To prepare myself for the night I got myself a stunning new dress (an amazing pink party dress by Wayne Cooper) with nails to match, some sexy black patent leather heels, a spray tan, followed my eating plan strictly to ensure the maximum amount of weight dropped and also got my hair professionally styled to ensure it looked its best. Looking back at it all, it may have been a bit much, but I needed all the self confidence I could get – I’m such a shy girl and I just needed to look perfect so that I’d have that little extra boost to get me through the night. I was also COVERED in bruises from moving house all day Friday (13 fucking hours worth, what a drag) and most of Saturday so I needed to deflect the attention from the swollen black and blue marks all over my pathetic, weak body.

Despite initial nerves and a little bit of awkward “standing by myself wondering who I should go say hi to now”, I loosened up and had a good time (though I’m sure all of those vodka lime soda’s helped a helluva lot). I spent the first hour or so thinking I wasn’t looking that special because no one said anything, but then as everyone else loosened up, I got lots of amazing compliments which made me feel like a million dollars. Seriously, this was a huge concern of mine, so I was glad I did end up looking great and impresing people with how much I’ve changed. Plus it proved everyone was a nervous and restrained as I was, we all just needed a few drinks to get going.

For anyone who will be having a reunion sometime soon, I have a few tidbits of advice to make it work for you:

1. Look as fabulous as you possibly can. Don’t be half arsed about anything whatsoever. Most of these people don’t know you beyond how you looked at the age of 17 so make sure to WOW them by looking like the best possible you.
2. Get over the fact you were unpopular, nerdy, got bullied, had no friends, don’t speak to your high school friends any more, hated that “cool” girl who was mean to you that one time etc. It’s been 10 years for godsake, we’ve all changed and if they’re at the reunion then chances are they’ve grown up and have moved on also.
3. Know what you wnat to say. Don’t lie, but feel free to only tell people what you want them to know. If your job sucks, don’t bitch about it because that’s boring. Just tell them what you do for a living and then move on to what you are passionate about or your plans to get a certain job in a better field. You have every right to be as vague as possible. Outright lying though will probably cause more problems for you, especially if you get caught out!
4. If you find out you were a total shit at school (as I did) then apologise to the person and then make light of it and show that you’ve grown up and are a much cooler person now. In my case I was part of an obnoxious group of weirdo’s so we were able to laugh about it heartilly, you might have to work a bit harder if you were mean old bully but it’ll be worth it.
5. If you’re flying solo, do not fret because a lot of other people will be too. This actually gives you a great chance to talk to those people who you never/rarely spoke to at school and maybe find some new friends. I pesonally don’t think taking your partner is a wise move, you’ll spend most of the time worrying about them being bored and won’t enjoy yourself as much.
6. If you’re not sure about going for whatever reason – stop being a pussy and just go. What’s the worst that could happen, really? I was shocked that a lot of my friends hadn’t turned up, knowing most of them didn’t have any excuse not to be there. It makes you look like a jerk, so just go and have fun already!

I posted a link on my Twitter this week that talked about how a study concluded that Australian women have the highest rising obesity level in the world (based on the BMI scale). I found it interesting because we’re always accusing Americans of being so much fatter than us, and yet there’s apparent proof that we’re much worse. One friend who is a fat advocate got upset and defriended/unfollowed me from everything online and generally made me feel rotten about my interest in this article. It’s not as if I said (as the majority of the comments on that article said, much to my disgust) that fat people are disgusting and need to stop whinging, eat less and exercise more. I just took an interest in the damn article because it’s a controversial and constantly discussed issues these days, particularly in my life.

Regardless of the topic, people all have varied opinions on certain things and not everyone is going to agree. Not only would that go against human nature, it would also be extremely boring. In regards to body image, weight issues, fat vs skinny etc, everyone has their own opinion. In this case this person believes in positive body image, fat acceptance and is generally a very vocal person when it comes to wanting others to embrace their sizes, particularly the “larger” percentage of the population. I’ve always admired her for this, despite the fact I have not always agreed with all of her opinions on the matter. But alas, she didn’t like what I had to say (not that I said much, really) and quickly did away with me when she thought I was directly going against her belief system.

I have a turbulent and somewhat distorted perception of what body image/acceptance means. I am one of those unfortunate people who will probably never be happy with my size, even if I did get to my goal weight. It took me a number of diets and lot of going up and down in weight before I finally got to the stage I am at now where I first and foremost want to be fit and healthy which in turn will help me lose weight and get me to the size I want to be. I’ve never been the sort of person to preach about what’s right and wrong when it comes to weight, because I do not have an educated, non-biased opinion and I don’t feel as though my personal insecurities would make me a good role model on this particular topic (on arse-kicking and general awesomeness however, I am the ideal poster-girl).

I’m not writing this to make this girl feel bad or to be all up in your faces about THIS IS WHAT I THINK ABOUT BODY IMAGE SO ACCEPT IT OR FUCK OFF but just to say – we all have different opinions on this subject and no matter how we feel about the opinions of others, they have a right to think that way and all we can do is stick up for our own beliefs and accept the fact there’s always going to be conflict of interests. Especially with an issue as delicate as this.

And for the record I am actually a bit of a “fat advocate” myself, even though I really dislike that term (though I don’t know why). I’ve always been the type of person to stick up for the overweight and obese at any given opportunity. I’ve written countless “letters to the editor” after being outraged by peoples opinions on overweight people. I have always campaigned against people using someone’s weight as an insult during a fight (if that’s all you got then you got nothin’) as well as how being fat is still fair game in TV and movies in this overly PC world of ours when it should be just as controversial as any race, gender or sexuality jokes as far as I am concerned! Just because I wish to be slim myself does not mean I do not care and understand the plight of those who are overweight and proud to be so!

Now I sure this may rouse up some debate with the menz, but I often wonder if guys, especially the really gross ones, actually think giving sleazy eyes and making loud (usually inappropriate) comments at pretty girls is endearing?

Let me paint you a picture so that you understand where I am coming from. At lunch yesterday afternoon I was riding an escalator behind a pretty blonde girl. Down the bottom was a morbidly obese man who wore an old, faded sleeveless t-shirt that had sweat stains around his armpits and had man boobs like none I’ve ever seen before. He was a cretin, just a gross individual who clearly did not care about his appearance one little bit. This slug was staring at the hapless girl as she descended the escalator with no subtlety whatsoever. It was disconcerting enough for me and I wasn’t even the one being stared at. If that wasn’t bad enough, he then he turns and says to his rat-like mate, loud enough for all to hear “Aww nah she’s way too young” and continued undressing her with his beady, sweaty little eyes.

What would he have said if she wasn’t in fact abut 18 years old? If he’s going to be that vile and make loud comments about being too young for him, how would he have acted if she’s been his target age? I shudder to think! And why he HELL does he think it’s OK to say that sort of thing? Apart from the fact he was a total beast of  man, how does he expect to attract someone by shouting exactly what he feels at his object of desire? Even if he’d been a good-looking, well-dressed young man I’m sure he would have gotten the same sort of reaction (though the girl might have felt a little bit flattered as opposed to totally repulsed, I guess).

Now this guy clearly doesn’t represent all men, but a lot of guys out there seem to think yelling dumb stuff at pretty girls as they pass (ie. the old walking-past-the-construction-site stereotype) is a clever thing to do and will actually end well for them. I get it every time I walk past the deadshits who sit around the bus stop where I live, they holler “Hey gorgeous lady, I like yer tatts” as though that’s going to impress me and I’ll give them my phone number or a sneaky BJ. I refuse to believe this has ever actually worked for them, that there is a woman desperate enough out there to find that appealing and reciprocate. We can’t stop them from having a look, but don’t we have some sort of right to walk down the street without having stupidity thrust upon us just because we’re easy on the eye?

If you’re one of those guys who thinks it’s attractive to yell “compliments” at a pretty lady as she walks past, think again. There are very few women who like this sort of thing (you can tell who they are) so you have two options. the preferred one is to shut up and just appreciate what you see quietly. The second one, if you simply cannot keep your big yap closed, is to approach the girl and say something to her one-on-one, though you better make it good and not along the lines of “You have sweet tits” because you may very well get a slap or an angry “fuck off” in reply. If you do it right, you may be one of those lucky few who actually gets the girls phone number!

Personally, I spend a lot of time getting ready every day to look nice. Not necessarily for guys, it’s mostly for myself as I feel good when I look good. I don’t mind the occasional look from random blokes, because it makes me feel like my hard work was worth it, but I feel objectified when I get things yelled at me and so retaliate by yelling back how I feel (usually “Get a life, ugly”). I am inclined to think most women feel the same way, but obviously I could be wrong, so I’d love some feedback!

Guys: have you ever whistled at or yelled a comment out at a girl and had her reciprocate? What did you say and how did she respond?
Girls: do you like having guys wolf whistle and yell compliments at you? If so, why?

• I started a new eating plan with my friend Sarah, as arranged by our personal trainer (who I don’t actually go to any more but that’s irrelevant). It’s meant to be a temporary kick-start sort of thing to get your metabolism racing and cleanse you out but I actually really enjoy it and will stick to it for a while, I think. It’s all about low fat, low carb and high protein. No red meats so only fish and chicken and tonnes of vegies. It’s also been forcing me to have proper breakfasts (ie. three egg whites with spinach leaves) which has done me wonders. I always knew breakfast was good for you but I always just has a yoghurt when I got to work, which was never enough for me clearly, because now I feel awesome and have so much energy every morning! So combined with lots of regular exercise I am losing weight quickly and healthily!
• It’s taken us most of January but we’re 99% we have somewhere to move. We’ve had some major issues with our landlord giving us bad references which has caused us nothing but grief, but we managed to smooth it over and we’ve been told we pretty much have the unit we really wanted. It’s not only bigger, brighter and nicer to look at, it’s CHEAPER and just across the road from where we live now! Can you say FUCK YEAH??? So excited. Just hope there’s nothing that can go wrong because like I said, we’re only 99% sure we have it…
• January was always going to be a fairly quiet month (well as quiet as they ever really get for me, anyway) because February is going to be HUGE. This week I am getting myself prepared for my 10 Year high school reunion on Saturday night. I’d been looking forward to it til about last week and I feel more dread as the days count down. I do have an amazing dress and will doll up so hopefully people will not bother to ask about my career or any of that boring, serious adult stuff and instead focus on how HAWT I got. After the reunion I am spending every weekend at a music festival. Feb 13th is Good Vibrations in Sydney, Feb 20th is Soundwave and the 27th is Future Music (both in Brisbane). Told ya I was going to every festival I could afford and has artists I wanna see! I am going to be friggen exhausted in March!
• So my spending habits have not improved for 2010 thus far. I did pretty well there for a while but I am a shopaholic and I’ll never change. I think I’ve bought about five new dresses so far and two pairs of shoes. I did clear out a LOT of stuff to give to my friends and the op-shop’s though so it’s not like I am really adding anything to my collection ;)

So far January has been a bit average, but that’s only because of how massive February is going to be. God knows I can only handle so much excitement! Fingers crossed everything works out well for me in all of the above, eh?

In case you’re not familiar with Australian holidays and celebrations, January 26th is Australia Day. I’ve always been a bit torn about how I feel about Australia Day and so never really know how to celebrate it. Typically it’s a day off work where you have a BBQ and drink a lot of beer and that’s about it. We’re Aussie’s, all we care about is having a day off work (preferably on Friday/Monday in order to get a long weekend), adding a BBQ and booze into the equation just sweetens the deal, really.

Personally I get a bit irked by all of this “Aussie Pride” business that’s been going on the last few years. It’s not that there’s anything really wrong with being proud of your country but it’s always been kind of un-Australian to make a fuss about it. We’re laid back people who sort of have this silent agreement with one another that yes, we do live in a bloody great country and we’re all very lucky and proud and all that. Being overly patriotic is more of an American thing to do and god knows we don’t want to be like those damn Yanks!

But the younger generation (which just so happens to be my generation) have decided they want to be loud and proud about how much they love being Aussie. So now they all wear Australian flag’s as capes and basically cover themselves in as many flag-motif items of clothing they could get their hands on. They even like putting little flags on their cars for the month leading up to Australia Day (which is so bloody daggy, might I add). But probably the worst of all is how many young people are getting the Southern Cross as tattoos these days. I am against these tattoos for many reasons, though mostly because I hate generic tattoos and wonder why they even bother getting tattooed if that’s the best idea they could come up with. If I felt like getting a tattoo to represent my being Australian, I sure as hell wouldn’t get a southern cross and would get something personal and relevant to me and me only (but that’s more of a “I hate generic tattoos” sorta rant). I don’t necessarily agree with how people call these tattoos Austicka’s because not all people who get these tattoos are the typical, racist yobbo we all hate so much. But it does instantly label you as a bit of a douchebag, whether you are one or not.

To be honest, I will always be one of those quietly-proud Aussies who doesn’t make a big deal about how much I love Australia and cringes a bit when kids in their early 20s run around, pissed as parrots, carrying the Aussie flag, Southern Cross tattoo on their necks (what’s with that placement, by the way?) and bellowing “Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi” in everyone’s faces. It’s not that they’re bad people, and certainly not all of them are bogans who put stickers on their utes that say “We’re full, get out” or “Love it or leave it”, it’s just something that’s going to take me a lot to get used to. Because as much as I’d love to think it’s just a fad that will disappear in a couple of years, I’m starting to think it might be a trend that’s here to stay.

Some interesting articles I found on the subject, if you please:

Since when did dumb-arsed nationalism become compulsory?
Australia Day Is Still Ok
Why Australia Day is rubbish
Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Yuck, Yuck, Yuck
Enough with the Australia Day backlash

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”
- Marilyn Monroe

(More here)

Last night I went to my first big gig of 2010, one that I’d been particularly excited about due to it featuring three of my favourite artists – Calvin Harris, Dizzee Rascal and Lily Allen. I have been a fan of both Calvin and Lily since their first single’s came out and have seen each of them once before. With Dizzee I admit I kind of jumped on the bandwagon when “Dance Wit Me” came out, but as someone who is actually very much into rap and not just a fancy-pants who likes whatever is popular right now, I don’t feel too bad about it.

Last night’s gig was a mixture of good and bad. Oh the music and artists were great, but there was a lot of shit stuff going on that nearly ruined my evening. First of all it was at the Riverstage which is an excellent venue but as it’s all-ages and has 10pm noise restrictions, gigs there often start quite early which sucks if you work til 5pm which is when the gates typically open. My friend Sarah, my sister Erin and I planned to lave mine at 6pm to get there around 6:30pm thinking that’s about when Miami Horror (who?) would be done. But oh no, turns out Calvin Harris started at 6:15 and so we only made it for his last two songs (”The Girls” and “I’m Not Alone”) which PISSED ME OFF SO MUCH! Not only did he have a shit start time, his set was only 30 minutes long. God I was angry. I am seriously considering writing a strongly-worded email to someone about this. Or bust some heads together, whichever ends up being easier. I managed to dance and cheer and swoon for these two songs at least, so I guess it could have been worse (ie. missing him entirely). My sister and I both got his t-shirt as a tribute to him and our poor timing. Also because he is so very handsome and ought to be painted in gold across my boobs ;)

Dizzee Rascal was next and that’s about when all the teenyboppers came along. A number of which stood right by us and tried to push through. We wouldn’t let them so they decided it’s be clever to push and crash into us violently. We told them to stop, yelled at them and then started pushing back. But they kept doing it and being little smart-arses about it, just to add icing to the cake. So Sarah pushed them as hard as she could so they almost toppled over and told them to “put some clothes on you sluts” (I’m sorry but girls who are clearly 15 years old should NOT be out wearing tiny denim shorts and little velveteen bra-tops, nor should they wear that much trashy blue eyeshadow and red lipstick). One in particular, I shall call her Velveteen (for her poor choice in top-material) was yelly and getting all up in our faces. I got very black all of a sudden and did the crazy-black-lady hand-thing and yelled “Do you wanna do this?” very loudly in her face a bunch of times. This kept on even as Dizzee got on stage, Sarah pushed them again and a couple of them came back swinging so we grabbed them, roughed them, mostly Miss Velveteen, up ever so slightly (just a few choke-holds, face-smooshings, slappings etc) and a final shove and they finally decided to back off. We shook with rage for a while but we soon transformed that into energy to DANCE.

Dizzee Rascal was excellent, I really loved his show. I saw him once at Parklife a couple of years ago but was too far back and too smashed to enjoy it properly so this was a much better experience. He started off with a bit of his back catalog and a few of the non-singles from his latest album which were all excellent. He worked the crowd a lot, getting us all to cheer and chant things and generally being very cute yet a lil bit gangsta (his face is so cute I could pinch his cheeks forever, which is probably not the look he’s going for really). I flipped my lid when he and his rather handsome backup singer (backup rapper?) started doing the Funky Charlston before “Old School” because it’s my favourite dance of all times ever! Then at the end he played all the big, new hits, starting with “Dance Wit Me”, followed by “Holiday” (probably my favorite) and ending with “Bonkers”. I never jumped/danced so much in my life, my legs and butt are still sore actually, and I very nearly peed myself from all the jumping/needing to go to the bathroom.

Lily Allen was on next, but we were exhausted and so stood a bit further back where the slope starts in order to see her properly. God is she short! And her legs are amazing! I don’t know if it’s weight-loss or just those fantastic high heels she wore but damn I couldn’t stop staring at those pins! She opened with Lil Wayne’s “A Milli” which I thought was hilarious because that song is so bad it’s good. She played a lot from her new album which I admit I only got a month or so ago, so I didn’t know a couple of the songs. I loved how she dropped some drum n bass and dubstep into her songs, such as “Smile” because I was feeling as though her songs were just a teeny bit slow going at first. She did an AMAZING cover of Brittney’s “Womanizer” which I know all the words too apparently (as if anyone’s actually shocked by this fact!) and ended the gig with a very extended version of “Not Fair” which had some (decent) electro as the last chorus. I personally loved her rants the most – she told us she’d watched BBC news the other day and was angry at the Americans criticizing Obama for not making the changes he promised since becoming President last year. I laughed, imagining her shouting at the TV, shaking her fist and thinking “right, I’m going to have to rant about this tonight to get it off my chest”. Hilarious. I also loved hearing everyone yelling the lyrics to “Fuck You” whilst giving the finger. Very classy!

Overall it was a lot of fun and I guess I can’t complain too much. I just wish we’d seen all of Calvin and that those slutty little girls had OD’d before they got to the gig (they were definitely on something), though admittedly I did get a lovely rush of adrenaline after our biff-up so maybe it was a good thing!

So to start this fine Monday morning I thought I’d share the things that pissed me off this morning. Because nothing makes me feel better (or a day go faster) than the release of some pent up anger!

1. The deadshits who hang around the cafe near my place. Seriously guys, I know you’re all unemployed dole bludging no-hopers but that doesn’t mean you have to laze about in everyone’s way, smoking durries and hurling insults at one another as we respectable people try to get to work. Also, the ground is not a seat.
2. The man who decided to block the whole escelator by standing on the right between the people on the left. Look I know Brisbane ain’t a bustling metropolis like London or Tokyo but that’s rude and stops my flow when I am rushing to work. It’s common coutesey to stand to the left to let people who are in a hurry walk past on the right. People like you are the reason why I usually walk to work (commuters are all spastics, seriously).
3. The lady with the tacky San Francisco grafitti-style writing tote. Oh you’ve been to San Franciso, have you? Yeah well so have I and I consider it one of the most beautiful cities I have ever been to and am appalled that you think that awful bag is a worthwhile souvenir of such a vibrant, beautiful place. Unless it was a half-arsed gift from a friend/relative I guess… I still would have binned it though.
4. Waiting for approval for a new place to live. Seriously, it’s almost been a week since we applied to this one (amazing) place and we’re DYING from anticipation and worry. No matter how much time you think you’re allowing to move, it’s never enough. If we do get it we’ll have about 5 days to move. UGH!
5. Smokers. Now, I hate people who bitch about smokers almost as much as I’m sure actual smokers do (it’s their body, let them do what they want with it) but sometimes they do piss me off. There’s nothing more horrifying then getting a facefull of second hand smoke first thing on a Monday morning. I’m sorry but that tar-ridden cancer-smoke has been IN your lungs and breathed back out again. WHY would I want them anywhere near my person let alone in my face and down in my lungs? Learn to expel your smoke away from the general public and maybe all the fancy pants smoking-haters mightn’t be so damn vocal about how bad a habit it is. Oh and learn to control your habit too – taking 50 smoko’s a day is highly unproductive and is totally unnecessary.
6. Random heat waves. I know I live in Brisbane and ought to be used to them but I will never get used to 40 degree heat with what feels like 99% humidity. Like a hot, wet blanket it is!

But on the flipside there’s always something that makes all of that horrible Monday-morning bull crap seem totally irrelevant. Today it was the story of a baby elephant being born and being super cute about it. Awwww. I guess it ain’t all bad after all :)

So I was a bit slack and didn’t post my nails when I got them done the other week! It was only now, as I was taking ripping the diamantes off with a scalpel after half of them had randomly fallen off that I realised I’d not posted them and decided I probably should! I did this for NYE actually, and chose these stickers (which I got in Tokyo) as they reminded me of fireworks. Except for the bows which reminded me of KAWAII! The black nail polish I used is “Blackest Black” by Revlon which is a bit of a lie because a) I got this colour because of the blue glitter (that only shows up when NOT on your nails, unfortunately) and blue glitter don’t = blackest black and b) because it took three coats before it was even opaque which does not imply “Blackest Black” in any way whatsoever! Boooo!

Anyway these nails lasted a lot longer than my previous fancy diamante nails which I ruined thanks to my filing job where papers knocked the jewels off very quickly :( These nails have also attracted me the most attention which I find odd because I don’t think they’ve been my cutest nail art yet. They were terrifically 3D though, so maybe that was it.

Oh and um, I still can’t think of a snappy title for my nail art posts so would REALLY appreciate some suggestions! The best suggestion will get something…probably some nail stickers? I dunno, I only just thought of offereing a prize just now… But it will be special and FUN! Once I think of it… :D

Oh and check out my bitchin’ new ring (middle finger). My first ever brand-name jewelry! It’s DKNY and was on sale and is so bling-tacular!

I love makeup. I wear it almost everyday and am one of those girls who hates the thought of going out in public without my face on (or some mascara at the very least). I am by no means a makeup artist and I’m probably not even all that good at doing makeup (on myself or others) compared to a lot of other people, especially if all if the Youtube tutorials out there are anything to go by!  But I knows some of the basics and feel I should share these facts with you all for lack of anything better to do :D

Not all girls are into makeup, in fact I am sometimes surprised at how many girls I know who don’t wear makeup at all, usually because they just don’t know how to put it on! Then there are those who just aren’t interested in it, which is fair enough, though there is always a time and a place where makeup is necessary (unless you’re morally opposed to it, extremely allergic or a super-feminist, I suppose) which means you really need to know the basics to at least fool people into thinking you know what you’re doing.

1. Mascara is your friend! Invest in a good mascara because it is what makes all the difference to your face. Adding mascara when you don’t really feel like putting on makeup will trick people into thinking you are made-up because it makes your eyes pop and they’re the windows into your soul blah-di-blah-blah. Seriously it makes a significant difference and I do really believe you should not leave the house without it on your lashes!
2. Find the foundation that works for you. Do not go for whatever is cheap because you’re stingy. But at the same time, don’t just go for whatever is the most expensive because price doesn’t always = good. The first foundation you ever buy will probably not be the best one for you. You need to learn through practice, pretty much. I use Clinique Superbalanced foundation and find it’s the best one for me. There are probably other brands out there which I’d love more but until I find it, this is the foundation for me. I also LOVE mineral powder foundation as it’s easy and quick and makes you look pretty much flawless without all the extra effort and without making you look overdone. It’s also meant to be good for your skin but I think that’s probably too good to be true!
3. Learn the basics of makeup. It’s really not as basic as putting on some mascara and some foundation and looking amazing. There’s a bit more too it than that, I’m afraid! Think about things like blush and finishing powder (it’s what seals your foundation, otherwise you’ll just look kind of sticky and moist). You need to moisturise before applying your makeup too! So make sure you have a good moisturiser as well or else you risk nasty break outs form when your makeup clogs up all of your pores. Make sure you have the right tools for even the most basic makeup – a sponge/brush for applying foundation, a blusher brush, a finishing powder brush (I actually use the same brush for both blush and my powder needs), cotton buds to remove wiley makeup marks, makeup remover etc. The more complex you’re willing to get, the more tools you will need.
4. Learn to do eye makeup well (or not at all). Badly applied eye makeup make you look like a trash bag. If you can’t do your own eyeliner properly then don’t do it at all! Likewise with eyeshadow. The amount of times I have seen shitty looking eyeshadow ruining a girls face are countless and all totally needless. If you’re determined to wear fancy eye makeup then bloody well practice it before you reveal it to the world. And for the love of god, think about the colours you use because red might be your favourite colour but chances are it’s not going to suit your skin one and unless you have some mad skills then that’s one colour better left untouched!
5. Lipstick or gloss? Not everyone can wear lipstick, which is very unfortunate but something you should know about yourself before slapping it on and leaving the house looking like a clown. Some people suit a gloss, others (like me) get heir hair all caught up in it and can only really do lipstick. Work out what works for you and also make sure you choose colours that suit you and ensure you know how to apply the stuff. Just because you’re wearing clear lip gloss doesn’t mean you can smear it wherever without looking in a mirror! If you don’t have well-defined lips then you’re going to need to use lip liners before putting on your lipstick. Otherwise you’ll be know as Ol’ Patchy Lips McGee (well if you were my friend anyway).
6. Get your colours right! Just because that foundation was your colour last year don’t mean it’s the right shade this year! Our skin tones change all the time, due to tanning (or lack thereof) or just plain old aging, so you need to make sure your foundation is actually your correct skin colour before putting it all over your face. I thoroughly recommend getting the sales girls at makeup counters in department stores to do this for you as it’s their job and the lights there are great so they can work out your colour easily. This also applies for things like blush, lipstick, eyeshadow etc. Personally I always wear pink and black so I don’t need to update my colours often, but if you do change your wardrobe and style every season then your makeup should follow suit. Also, blue eyeshadow might be in right now but it will get daggy pretty quickly so do not keep wearing it unless you can really pull of such a vivid hue!

Once you have all of this sorted, you need to learn how to put it all on without making yourself look like a whore. Do NOT take your mum’s advice unless she always has flawless makeup herself because chances are she learnt how to do her makeup in high school and even then was never all that good at it. I suggest getting a professional to show you the ropes – usually this can be done for free (or at least very cheap) at the stand of your favourite makeup company at any department store. Otherwise there are a plethora of resources online to check out. For tips on foundation check out destroyx.com’s Basic QA for foundation and for pretty much anything else makeup related check out Doe Deere’s Blogazine as she is fantastic as a whole and will inspire you to experiment with colour! Meanwhile there are a zillion and one tutorials on Youtube that teach your everything from the basics of makeup application to some of the most amazing makeup masterpieces I’ve ever seen (check out this Edward Scissorhands costume makeup by Kandee Johnson – it is AMAZING!). Or at the very least get your friend who has the skills to give you some tips – there’s nothing much a girl loves more than passing on her style tips to a needy friend!

No matter how often or how rarely you make your face up, there’s no excuse for doing a half-arsed job. Good makeup is not meant to be noticed, but it’s the first thing people will see when done badly!