I’m afraid I am going to have to get all serious and all up in your faces about something that has been floating around in Aussie news for a little while now. That awful thing known as rape and the scandals associated with it, particularly in regards to Australia footballers. If you’re not aware of what’s going on, a brief summary is that barely a day goes by when a high-profile football player from AFL or Rugby is accused of raping a girl after a boozy night out.
I have so much to say, so much so I am finding it hard to articulate myself, so please excuse any waffling, though I promise to avoid as much nonsensical ranting as I can since that always gets me into trouble, and I seriously can’t be arsed with it. First and foremost, there is never, ever an excuse for rape. It is one of the worst crimes I can imagine and never will there be a valid excuse for one human raping another (I also believe this applies to the animal kingdom but let’s leave that one for today). I do not care how the victim was dressed, how they acted, what they said or did or whatever; they do not deserve to be raped. I am even of the opinion that even if you’ve committed a horrendous crime, rape is not an acceptable retaliation. It is the most degrading act and serves only to hurt, humiliate and strip all power from the victim. There never has and never will be an excuse or justification for this atrocity and anyone who does not find the idea of rape unbearable or thinks it’s OK to joke about it deserves nothing more than contempt. And maybe a beating or two.
OK so now I have gotten that out of the way, I wanted to highlight some of my thoughts about these scandals and I guess the opinions people have about rape these days. First of all, rape ain’t a new thing that’s just popped up with the invention of TV or rap music. For as long as living creatures have been able to have intercourse, they have been able to rape or be raped. It’s impossible to work out when more rapes have occurred in history because it’s not like murder where there’s a dead body popping up (or to go completely missing without a trace). Rape probably exists a whole lot more than anyone could possibly imagine because most victims tend not to tell people, or at least not report it to authorities. And yet the way it’s portrayed in the media, you’d think it was this new, awful thing that’s a by-product of modern society. Of course the fact we all have so much more access to different news from all over the world thank to the internet helps one feel as though rapes happen more now than they ever did. Of course, maybe they do happen more nowadays than they used to, but we’ll never really know for sure.
I have a lot of mixed feelings about rape scandals involving celebrities. While I know the rick and famous have just as much ability to rape as any non-famous person, I always have this niggling thought that maybe the victim isn’t so much the victim and is actually the one doing the exploitation. It’s such a hard thing to think or talk about because it all comes down to their word against the alleged perpetrator and if you side with one or the other, you’re bound to get into a heated debate with whoever you voice your opinion to. After all, what if that girl was raped by that famous sportsman, you don’t want to assume she made it up for publicity because there’s still a good chance she actually was assaulted. This is why I guess all of these cases get so much media attention because nothing sells better than the combination of sex, crime, fame and the famous celeb vs the hapless victim. I’m not taking sides with either party because I feel sympathy for both because either one could be the victim. The girl who got raped vs the football player who had consensual sex with an eager fan. It’s a really, really messy situation.
I’ve read a tonne of debate over the idea of consent and how it’s affected by alcohol. Is it rape if the girl is wasted and can’t actually say yes, she wants sex but hasn’t said no either? But then if the guy is just as wasted, could he not also be in the same predicament where he was too inebriated to work out if the girl consented and just went along with whatever was happening in the bed at the time? It’s tough, because we all want someone to blame. In an ideal world the guy would realise how smashed the girl was and either send her home in a cab or if he took her home, let her sleep it off before attempting to shag. But this ain’t an ideal world and when a guy is drunk and horny and the girl he’s with seems to be DTF then he’s invariably going to sleep with her. If she said “No, I don’t want to have sex with you” then 99% of guys would stop, maybe curse their bad luck and jerk off in the shower. But there are still those guys who go through with it anyway, which is clearly rape. If the girl didn’t say no and seemed to enjoy the sex, but then woke up and realised what had happened though she couldn’t remember any/most of it and regretted it immediately, how is that classed as rape? According to most state’s laws it is because the girl was drunk and wasn’t able to give consent at the time. Most girls would just go home and feel like a total dickhead and maybe giggle about it with her good friends later but then there’s always those few who decide to make an example of the guy and cry rape, particularly when she has something to gain from it (ie. publicity). I hate the idea of this, and could never do this to someone no matter how much I hated them, but some people are idiots and willing to lie about something as horrific as rape for a little bit of attention.
I’m starting to get off track here and really haven’t come to my point…whatever that may be. Basically, rape is an awful thing but it happens. While a girl should be able to lie naked and spread-eagled on the footpath or wear a tiny skirt and dance provocatively with unknown strangers without being raped, rape is a very real thing and as sad as it is to say, women do need to watch themselves. I’m not saying we should all cover up, abstain from alcohol and wait for marriage, but we do have some responsibility for preventing sexual assault. Look at it this way, if you’re the kind of person who tends to get out of control when drinking and make some stupid mistakes like going home with questionable people or passing out in the street after losing all of your friends, then you need to re-evaluate your partying habits. Because while you do not deserve to be raped because you got trashed, dirty danced with some dodgy guys and acted like a bit of a sluzza all night, you need to be aware of the fact RAPE HAPPENS. If you keep putting yourself in dangerous situations then it becomes likely that something bad will happen to you eventually. When I drink, I get crippling migraines, so to fix this I do not drink very much anymore and do all I can to prevent migraines when I do decide to drink. Likewise, if you’re prone to going home with dodgy fuckwits when drinking, try to prevent the situation by drinking less or at least making sure your friends stay with you at all times. And for good measure, just avoid drinking with footy players in general as you never know, there could be a whole lotta truth behind those rape claims.
Rape can happen anywhere or any place, so don’t put yourself in a position where you might get raped when it can easily be avoided. For all non-partying situations (which is all I covered here tonight), all you can do is be aware, have a plan and for godsake, turn down your damn iPod when running through a park! Be aware and hopefully you will always be safe.
About Ruby
My name is Cara (but you can call me Ruby) and I like the colour pink, swearing, fist shaking, daggy dancing and 90s RnB music. Often all at once. I live in Brisbane which is always warm and is famous for its zombies.
What can I say, I liked the smaller and more refined rants that this format has to offer, so I thought I’d do it again!
DO THE SPEED LIMIT PAST SPEED TRAPS
My best friend had a rant to me about this the other day. People who slow down to 20km/h past police of speed traps are fucking retarded. You know you can go the speed limit, right? They ain’t gonna book you for going over 35 when the speed signs clearly say 60! It’s dumb and totally dangerous.
BE MORE AWARE OF THE PEOPLE WALKING BEHIND YOU
You might like to think you live in your own little bubble where you can do what you want without really affecting anyone. But you don’t, and stopping dead in the middle of the shopping center in front of someone who’s walking quickly is rude and totally obnoxious. This goes especially to the fools who do this while with large groups of people. Move to the side motherfuckers, I’m in a hurry!
CLEAN OUT YOUR WARDROBE
OK so this is hilarious if you know me well enough as I HATE doing this and so rarely do. But you need to get your wardrobe in order once in a while. While you may not be able to find a lot to get rid of (like me) you at least get rid of the absolute dregs and get things looking spic and span by folding everything up nicely and sorting them appropriately so you can actually start finding shit again.
BUY MORE CDs/DVDs
I know this is the age of downloading stuff but I feel way too guilty to download more than the occasional song. Sure I’ll watch it if it’s not worth going to the movies for or if it’s a new TV show that won’t be showing in Aus for ages (if ever) but overall I like buying CDs and DVDs because it gives you something to look through and shows off you unique taste when others take a squizz.
STOP LIKING EVERYTHING ON FACEBOOK
Who creates these ridiculous pages and how are there so many knobs out there who actually go and “like” them? They range from the lame, though to-the-point ones like “Chicks in glasses are sexy” right through to the plain fucking long-winded and pathetic ones like “If your makeup isn’t done your hair is a mess and your in your pjs and he still cant resist taking you into his arms, he’s a keeper”. THESE ARE ACTUALLY REAL PAGES WITH THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE ON THEM, GUYS! I hate the internet so much sometimes.
DON’T RUIN STATUS UPDATES WITH INANE CHATTER
Speaking of Facebook, nothing boils my blood like those dumbasses who somehow manage to miss the 28 other comments on a status update to either ask a question that got answered in the first or second comment or else just jumps on and ask the poster a totally irrelevant question. Like one I saw about a friend who won a basketball final, some chick comes on after 10 other people have commented and says “Hey hun, what’s up, it’s been a while, txt me”. FFS it’s called an email or at the very least a fucking wall post! Way to ruin the vibe with your stupidity! Fuck I hate Facebook sometimes (aka most of the time).
STOP WASTING ENERGY
I don’t give a damn if you don’t believe in global warming (though I personally consider all global warming cynics to be massive fuckwits, FYI), wasting energy is a big NO NO. Turn the lights off when the room is not in use and use the dryer when you need something dry now, not just coz. Planet earth is a pretty neat place, and just think, the hole in the ozone layer is almost gone now because of the ban on CFCs, imagine how much better off we’d be if everyone just conserved energy and recycled more.
GET SOME REAL SKILLS
Your mum won’t be around forever (sad face) so learn some of her skills, plus a few from your dad and practice them. Knowing how to sew up a hem or check the oil in your car are amazing skills that so few people have these days. One day the mechanic or tailor won’t be there to save your arse when hems start dropping and cars start explodin’, so impress your friends by fixing it yourself!
OK that’s me for now. Sorry about the lack of blog updates, the Brisbane Zombie Walk is less than a month away and I have some blood to make for our fundraiser party tomorrow night!
Please note, the above video is NSFW and contains lots of close up shots of female genitalia and frank discussions about vaginas and how they’re depicted in the media.
Now that you’ve watched the video, how do you feel? I hope you feel outraged, regardless of your gender or your thoughts on pornography or anything relating to the female reproductive area. I hope that you understood the point of this video and feel as horrified as I do about how a normal vagina is considered unattractive or too vulgar if shown in its full glory. So much so it has to be chopped up (both literally and figuratively) to look nice and acceptable in soft porn magazines. Well, as far as the Classification board is concerned, anyway!
I will admit right now, and I am not proud of this, but I had given thought to getting a designer vagina. I don’t know why, possibly just because it sounds so cool: designer vagina. But after watching that video I am just aghast that having a bit of flesh poking out down there is considered obscene enough to have to hide. No wonder women have shitty self esteems about their bodies these days, no wonder so many men have these ridiculous expectations of how a women is meant to look… look at what imagery we’re constantly being bombarded with about what the ideal female body is “supposed” to look like. And yet I am shocked to realise it’s not even the media who’s really at fault, it’s bloody censorship! How dare a bunch of prudish arseholes who probably haven’t had a leg over in years, tell me my pookie is disgusting and ought to be concealed within my labia majora?!
After watching that video though, I also feel liberated! Here I was thinking my girl down there was a bit too much of an outie but in actual fact she’s a cute little thing that other women might even be envious of (until they saw this video of course, because then they’d appreciate their own for being unique and lovely, just as it is). So as much as I like to say designer vagina, I will never ever get myself “fixed” up down there because it’s mine and it’s beautiful just as she is!
I am not what most people would describe as a feminist. I enjoy being girly, I like to flaunt my magnificent boobs and I am constantly appalled that chivalry is dead. However, I do actually identify myself as a feminist. Oh don’t look at me like that, feminist is not a dirty word!
I am not a traditional sort of feminist by any means. I don’t go on rallies and I am not overly vocal about my beliefs, unless it involves a significant injustice against women, and I do not hate men. I do however believe very strongly in equal rights for females, something I do not believe we have yet achieved. That’s probably one of the reasons why I am a bit quiet about it, people take such offense to the idea of feminism, like women are lucky to be allowed the rights they have. The worst part is, a lot of women seem to agree with this way of thinking. I like to think they just don’t want to be labeled a feminist (like I said, people consider it to be a dirty word) but then again maybe a lot of women have the idea that they’re not quite as good as men deeply ingrained in them.
I only recently decided to start calling myself a feminist, in particular after reading a few blogs that were aimed at teenagers mostly, but I actually found a lot of the information on there really relevant to my feelings on the subject. I’ve always been the kind of person to get mad at anyone who claims (or even implies) women aren’t equal to men, and have had many heated arguments with people over sexist statements they’ve dared utter in my presence. But it wasn’t until reading some really good articles by these girls who identify as feminists who didn’t fall under the dreaded “feminazi” title that I actually decided to identify myself as a feminist. It’s a shame that I could never identify as one previously because I has this skewed idea of what feminism meant, and I’m sure it’s the same for most women. I think all women should be able to call themselves a feminist, because there are different levels of belief in the cause (kind of like religion, some people are super devout while others believe without feeling the need to go to church). All women should want to be equal to males in regards to human rights, work opportunities, sexuality etc.
One of the things that gets to me most is the difference in perception between males and females for doing the exact same thing. While I am naturally outraged by the idea of a male getting paid more for doing the same job as a female, just because of gender, it’s the smaller things that I feel don’t get voiced enough. An obvious example is the idea that a male can sleep with as many women as he wants and gets positive attention from other males while a female who does the same thing is no more than a “slut” (which is one of my most hated words, by the way). I hear guys often talk about how a promiscuous girl is a slut because she has one-night stands and has casual sex. When I interject and ask them how much casual sex they have, the fact they have a lot more than this poor girl doesn’t even matter. She sleeps around and that is disgusting and that is that. I’ve often asked how it differs between women and men, why can a man sleep with a hundred women and a woman sleep with say 20, and it be applauded for the male and found repulsive for the girl. There’s never a proper answer and usually comes down to the whole “women are not as superior as men” idea or the ridiculous belief that it’s dirtier for a woman to have had lots of penises in her than for a man to have stuck his dick in hundreds of vagina’s. And yet these guys will go buy a copy of FHM and ogle the featured girls (and possibly even fantasise about them) and not even care that thousands of other men are doing the exact same thing. It’s bizarre.
And then there are things like how people think the worst of a girl who’s overweight and barely bat and eyelid over a guy who’s just as heavy. I’m sure the guy also gets his fare share of criticism for being large, but I find women get it much, much worse. The comments differ so much. “Wow that’s guy’s huge” vs “Check out that fat bitch”. It’s a weird one, but I do feel that fat girls are perceived far worse than fat guys. Then there’s the whole representation in the media, where almost everything can be sold with an attractive lady in the picture, regardless of the targeted demographic, bang a hot girl in the ad and it’s gonna sell. Male-orientated advertising is going to be more sexual and in-your-face than advertising that’s aimed at women, but for the most part, it’s all about using a woman’s good looks and body to sell products and I think it’s sad. And my biggest gripe right now? The depiction of women who not only enjoy but actually get turned on by domestic violence. I have been noticing it in TV, film and even music videos lately and am shocked that it’s still tolerated. I also get riled by the women who suffer domestic violence, particularly against their famous boyfriends/husbands, and yet go back to them because it was “out of character”. I hope I do not have to explain how wrong, wrong, wrong this is.
I am not a man-hating lesbian as most feminists are perceived to be. I do not wear asexual clothing and hide my femininity because I feel I am exploiting myself for the benefit of men. I am a normal woman who loves makeup, dresses and the colour pink. I don’t demand or even want anything more than for women to have the same rights and respect as men get. I understand women have so much more available to them now than they ever did in the past, but I still feel women have a long way to go before a good level of equality is reached (I don’t excpect there will ever be such thing as total equality, not in my lifetime anyway). I just want people to accept the actions, desires and worthiness of women the same as they currently do for men.
There is so much more I could say on the subject, but I’d actually rather hear from other people about their ideas about feminism and whether you think there’s still gender inequality these days (namely in 1st world countries, as we all know gender inequality is rampant in many 3rd word nations). Tell me your thoughts, examples of gender inequality or whatever you’d like to contribute to the discussion.
EDIT: Just wanted to clarify a few things. I am not attempting to justify myself by saying I am a girly girl who likes guys and wears makeup, as though trying to distance myself from the feminist stereotype. I am attempting to make a point that even though I do not conform to how people think a feminist ought to look or act, I am one and not ashamed to say so. I am aware the feminist stereotype exists for a reason, and so if you are offended by the fact I made a point of distancing myself from it, I apologise because that wasn’t my intention at all. I think all women of all walks of life should be able to call themself a feminist without thinking they’re going to be labled as something they’re not.
Also, I do not necessarily agree with the sentiments in some of those links, I just wanted to share a few that raised interesting points that helped prove what I was attempting to say. At least one of these is exactly the oppisite of how I feel but I wanted to show the “other side” of the debate.
Madonna syndrome: I should have ditched feminism for love, children and baking
Ever since I spent a week in Tokyo in September last year I have been kind of obsessed with this fashion style followed by young Japanese women called Gyaru. To be honest I’m not even sure if that’s the proper name for the style as the look is also referred to as Kogyaru or Kogal though it tends to apply more to the girls who wear Japanese school uniforms all the time. Then there’s also Ganguro which is also suitable except in this trend they go overboard with the tanning until their faces are almost black and then use white makeup which can look really creepy (example). For now I am going to go with Gyaru because it seems to be the most accurate term to describe this style, please correct me if I’m using the wrong term or if there’s another one I don’t know about. Please note I am no expert in this style and this is all based on personal observations and research on the internet. Please let me know if I’ve made any mistakes and I’m keen to learn as much as possible about this wonderful fashion!
The gyaru fashion in Japan is all about looking “Western”. The girls take the basic elements of western fashion and make them their own. One of the main aspects is the hair and makeup as this is what transforms a regular Japanese girl into a gyaru girl. They usually lighten their hair to a nice golden brown or dark strawberry blonde colour and add lots of extensions to make it long and thick. They tease the back to make it super thick and usually curl the ends so their hair looks luxurious and wavy. As for makeup the main focus is on the eyes, to make them as big and bright as possible. They usually wear contacts that alter the colour of their eyes and make the iris much, much bigger. They also wear fake lashes or at the very least, special lash lengthening mascara that makes their eyelashes much thicker and longer than normal mascara does (such as Fiberwig). Combined with clever use of eyeshadow and eyeliner their eyes appear HUGE and very Western. I saw one girl in Tokyo who drew the bottom line of her eyeliner go a good 5mm below her actual eyeline to create the effect of big, round eyes. From a distance it was convincing but up close it was really bizarre!
I found this video the other day that has two girls demonstrating how they do their makeup to go from “ugly” to “beautiful”. You can really see how much of a difference it makes here because they show them only half made-up before they finish off their makeup:
Their fashion can vary, though typically they wear the latest fashions from shopping centers like Shibuya 109 (which is seriously the greatest shopping center of all times, ever! Unless you’re not into young female fashion, of course…). It’s typically short skirts, platformed heels, cute tops or jumpers with chunky belts and designer bags and jewelry. The style can range from cute to sexy or in-your-face colourful and funky and I’ve also witnessed a goth sorta take on the look too.
One of my favourite features of a gyaru girl are their accessories, especially their nails! They’re usually the ones with the insane nail art that prevents them from being able to use their fingers properly. I witnessed a few girls trying to text with these crazy long nails with massive jewels on them and just about died with jealousy. I’ve had Japanese nail art done before and while it was pretty crazy by Australian standards, it was pretty tame compared to some of what you see on hardcore gyaru girls. Another awesome accessory they have are their phone charms. Seriously, I don’t know how they put up with so many small stuffed toys on their phones, which are already a LOT bigger than what we’re used to I should also point out. When their phones aren’t in use, which admittedly isn’t very often, they leave the charms hanging out of their back pockets or handbags as fashion accessories. It’s so totally over the top, cute and cool.
It seems that most sources online regard the style as being for young, silly girls who have disposable incomes and are obsessed with fashion and consumerism but I don’t think that’s the case any more (bare in mind most of these sources also said gyaru doesn’t really exist any more when it very clearly does and kept likening it to the “Valley Girls” of the USA). It really is just a fashion trend that is followed by so many girls from all walks of life. To me it’s just a fashion style that’s trying to copy a Western style of fashion that doesn’t actually exist and has in itself become really unique and absolutely gorgeous. Apparently it takes hours for the really full-on gyaru girls to get ready each day, as this article explains (though it’s a good article I think a lot of the info is a bit off as I’m not sure if they’re actually trying to look like “living dolls” as such). I take a good hour to get ready each day so the mind boggles at the thought of taking up to five hours in the morning to get ready, but hey, no pain no gain, right?!
The thing that actually fascinates me the most though is that a lot of non-Asian girls, in particular white girls from Europe and the USA are now adopting the style. The thought of white girls trying to look like Japanese girls who are trying to look white is hilarious! But they do a pretty good job at it in most cases, my current favourite is Cupcake Couture who is a 19 year old blonde girl from Finland who absolutely defines “gyaru” despite being the “wrong” race. Amazing! I am very willing to admit I could NOT be bothered maintaining this look, so I am happy to just appreciate it from afar and give kudos to those girls who live the gyaru way of life.
For today’s Music on My Mind I am not going to go through the songs I’ve had in my head lately as such. The other day I asked people on my Facebook to tell me their favourite RnB songs from the 90s, which is pretty much the best era for RnB in my opinion, and as a result I rediscovered some of my all time favourites. I often wish RnB and hip hop would revert back to the carefree days of the early 90s where it was all about good times and having fun and being in love and going to house parties. I really miss those feel good tunes, I really can’t think of any from the last 10 years from urban music. I’m sure there’s plenty but since none come to mind it seems they’re probably few and far between.
So I thought I’d share some of my favourite feel-good RnB tunes that you’ll either remember fondly or fall in love with for the first time:
I am a big fan of Will Smith in general and I don’t think I know anyone who doesn’t like at least one of his songs from when he was the Fresh Prince. This one’s especially good. I always wanted to go to these sorts of carefree parties where you just lounge around in your bikini and dance all sensual-like for the boyz.
Ohhh I was so obsessed with this song when I was… well I guess I was about 13 when it came out. I taped it off Red (what is now called Channel V in Australia) and would watch it on repeat so I could learn all of the words.
OK so I defy anyone to say they don’t love this song. It’s the ultimate laid back RnB song about going to house parties and having fun. Gosh I wish this happened more in my life!
Aaahhh Kid n Play! I only really got into them in the last couple of years when my boyfriend got me to watch House Party. I’d always wanted to see it as a kid because I saw TLC were in the 3rd movie but mum thought they were a bit too mature for me and my sister so we never got to rent those videos. Now I am obsessed! And almost know all the steps to the Funky Charleston from the first House Party.
Speaking of TLC, they were my all time favourite as a teenager in the mid-late 90s. It wasn’t til a few years later that I discovered how awesome they were in the early 90s! Check that crazy fashion!!! I love it so much I once got my workmates to dress up as old-school TLC at work.
OK so I was never really into Boyz II Men because I was never into RnB ballads which I assumed was all they did (I did appreciated them more when I realised it was them singing in “Hey Lover” by LL Cool J which is one of my all time favourite songs). This one is so much fun and guaranteed to make me dance every time I hear it. I also just noticed as I re-watched this now, that Another Bad Creation is in the clip! Awww.
Yet another girl group! They had it goin’ on back then! This time it’s SWV who were awesome, in fact I listen to their album a lot even to this day. This is my favourite of their songs, though the “Human Nature Mix” featuring Michael Jackson is also pretty unreal.
I didn’t discover this song or Tony! Toni! Toné til a few years ago and loved this some immediately (I do vaguely remember it from when I was younger, shame I wasn’t more attentive back then). I very much admire the fact they play their own instruments.
I hope you guys didn’t think I’d forget about Michael Jackson!?! This is in my Top 10 o All Time Favourites. I waited up late to see the premier of this back when it wad first released. I may even have the tape I recorded it on somewhere still. I used to practice that dance so often! I loved this whole album, very New Jack Swing which was quite different for MJ. This epic clip doesn’t really match any of the others, but you can’t beat the lyrics for good times.
And last in today’s list is one of the greatest RnB feel good songs ever! This is such a classic and I always feel sad that Bobby Brown went down the path he (and Whitney) did. Such an awesome singer and check out that dancing. Oh yeah, goooood times!
Please tell me your favourites! I don’t even care if they fit the “feel good” theme I was rollin’ with today, I just want to know what you loved from that era so I can (re)discover some classics!
Anyone who knows me in real life has very probably heard one of my Bear Grylls rants. They usually happen on a Monday night or Tuesday morning after the show has aired in Australia on Monday evening. Let me get this out, loud and clear, so no one has any misunderstandings: I FUCKING HATE BEAR GRYLLS!
It’s become apparent that most people who know of Bear Grylls think he’s fucking awesome. Well I am here to not only tell you that he is not but to also explain why. I hate the man so passionately that whenever someone says “Hey did you see ‘Man vs Wild’ last night?” I have to use every ounce of my self-control not to slap them in the face. I will however, let them know exactly how I feel about the show and the stupid dickwad who hosts it until I am shaking with rage.
So why do I hate him so much? Aside from the fact he has possibly the worlds most annoying accent and tries to get all Steve-Irwin-excited except with less amusement? Aside from the fact his show his a crock of shit? OK well how about how the motherfucker kills animals for ENTERTAINMENT. You heard me, enter-fucking-tainment! There’s no other way around it, people watch the show with the expectation that he will do something gross like drink muddy water or his own pee, or more importantly, kill an animal for food. What’s wrong with that, you might ask? EVERYTHING! I know animals are killed for food all over the world each and every day, I am not naive and nor am I even a vegetarian so it’s not as if I can get all morally-righteous about how meat is murder. But the simple fact is, he kills animals for his TV show because that’s what his brain-damaged target audience want, and so he delivers.
I get into the same argument about this every time I start ranting about Bear Grylls so let me just say this: This show is not about teaching people how to survive in tough locations. It is entertainment, pure and simple. If you think that after watching a bunch of his shows, you could be left alone in a Siberian wasteland and last more than a day then you’re fucking retarded! You’re going to remember all of the things a trained mercenary taught you in an hour TV show, are you? Get fucking real! You ain’t going to remember shit and you know it, dick bag. If you find your arse stranded in the amazon goddamn jungle, you probably did some fucked up shit and deserve to be eaten by piranhas or a boa constrictor within the first hour. Who the HELL finds themselves in those situations? Explorers? Adventurers? Indiana Jones, maybe? Not you, that’s for damn sure!
And then there’s the stupid belief he is actually surviving. OK guys so how’s the show being filmed? Ain’t by hand held camera! He has at least two camera guys with him, based on the different camera angles you see in the show. And that’s not including the people in the helicopters who do those impressive, sweeping shots of him while he’s supposedly “on his own in the wilderness”. Bollocks! Those camera people ain’t “surviving” with him which means they’re probably carrying food with them. Which means Bear Grylls doesn’t have to drink rancid water that camels have pooped in, nor does he need to eat anything he finds with a heartbeat. He could always point at a non-poisonous frog and say “If you were desperate, this type of frog would be edible” (not that it matters since you wouldn’t remember anyway and would most likely end up eating a poisonous toad by mistake) instead of then having to go kill it for the viewing pleasure of his deranged fan base with their insatiable blood lust.
Which brings me to my next point, which fills me with the kind of uncontrollable rage. Killing animals for entertainment. I’ve now established he’s not teaching people how to survive but rather showing off how fancy his SAS training is. I’ve also proven that he’s not actually surviving at all because he has a fucking camera crew with him and no one on earth is crazy enough to eat/drink the stupid shit he does so they’ve clearly got packed lunches in the backpacks and camera bags. These two facts therefore negate all need to kill any of the animals he so callously slaughters, because he doesn’t need the food and not one person watching the show will ever find themselves in a position where killing and eating a massive tarantula will be the difference between life and death. As far as I am concerned, he just enjoys killing animals and ensuring high ratings by eating them LIVE or in the nastiest way possible. You know what dude? Kill the damn animal first if you must eat it. Biting the head off a live snake is not only unnecessary and clearly dangerous, it’s also CRUEL!
If you still think he’s great, that his show really is about teaching people how to survive in inhospitable locations (and actually think you could do any of the stuff he does), that he genuinely is trying to survive in the wilderness and that the animals he kills are a necessary part of his survival, then fine. Just don’t talk about the douchebag to me, lest you wish to feel my fiery wrath. I can’t help you if you’re really that stupid, so just keep all mentions of “Man vs Wild” or Bear Grylls at least 100 meters away from me at all times.
There’s nothing much boring than a person who’s all gung-ho about health and fitness and works out five days a week and actually uses their gym membership on top of exercising at home or going for jogs after work. I say this as one of those people. I used to always sling off at fitness freaks, mutter about how they need to go get a life and think about how much I was looking forward to sitting on the couch, watching TV and eating dinner later that evening while they recovered from an exhausting workout and ate a salad. And then I started exercising to lose weight, realised exercise actually made you feel really, really good and kind of got into it at some stage.
The difference between me and most of the people I see at the gym or when I got for a run is that I don’t get all “fitness jerk” about it. You know the kind of person I mean, they’re obsessed with exercise and make you feel bad because you don’t think about working out every minute of the day. They strut around the gym like they’re gods gift to whatever and flirt with the opposite sex by flexing their enormous muscles or showing off their perky butts by doing squats in the middle of the weights area. God I hate them!
You can love exercise and not be one of those creeps and I highly recommend it. You don’t have to do it for weight loss (though that’s obviously the main reason why people exercise at all) because the other benefits are boundless. Just by adding regular exercise to your weekly routine will improve your health and well being dramatically. I’m not talking about going for a slow half hour walk once a week either, I mean a proper work out where you sweat a lot and hurt at least a little bit the next day. You don’t have to sign up at the gym or get a personal trainer to do this, though I find have a gym membership motivates me since I refuse to waste money so make myself go as often as possible in order to make the membership fee worth it. If you can afford it though, a PT is great to get the ball rolling on your fitness and also teaches you how to exercise the areas you want to target (and then you can just keep it up by yourself). You really just need motivation and and someone to do it with, as nothing kills motivation to exercise faster than having to do it on your own all the time.
If you’re new to the world of frequent exercise I have a few tips to get you started (don’t I always?!):
Get decent exercise gear, especially proper shoes to prevent leg and back pain/injury. Wear stuff that’s comfortable and breathable. For the ladies, you MUST get a decent sports bra. I went without one for years and then when I finally bought myself one I was SHOCKED by how much better I can exercise when my boobs aren’t bouncing around everywhere.
Mix it up. Doing the same exercise/s day after day will bore you to death and will probably cause you to give up really quickly. Instead of the treadmill, go for a walk or run outside, it’s better for your body and you get to see the great outdoors for an hour or so, as opposed to someone’s sweaty back. Take classes, gyms have heaps and they’re free when you are a member! Classes keep you far more motivated than if you just tried to do the same level or exercise by yourself on the gym floor. Also work out a simple routine and build it up, don’t go to every gym class in a week, exhaust yourself and have to take another week to recover before you go back (if you even decide to go back).
Start a sport. Nothing makes exercise more fun than team sport! It doesn’t have to be something traditional like soccer, after all pole dancing is now considered a sport and is a fantastic (and sexy) form of exercise. Martial arts gives you a cool skill (ie. kicking arse) while also being great exercise and can teach you a lot about self control and anger management. I personally started boxing a few months ago and my fitness is insane now, on top of my gaining strength and losing fat. I go to Brisbane Boxing in West End which I highly recommend if you’re in Brisbane and want to hurt like a bitch the day (sometimes days) after you go.
If you hurt really badly the day (or days) after an intense workout, don’t give up, keep it up and get your body used to the pain. I know that sounds terrible, but it’s all about building up a resistance to the pain and making your muscles stronger (see the wiki article about DOMS for more info). The pain is worth it, I promise!
So I realise I sound like a massive exercise-fanatic-douchebag after writing this BUT regardless, I think people need to get moving more often, if not to lose weight then to get healthy and make yourself live longer and stop being such a lazy jerk. Nothing grinds my goat more than people who whinge about feeling fat when I know they probably haven’t done any half decent exercise since PE in high school. It’s gonna hurt at first and you’ll feel like a massive wanker when you first put on your fancy new gym gear and sprain a muscle in front of fitter, healthier and better looking people than you, but the end will make it ALLLL worth it. Trust me. You can thank me later when you get kick someone’s arse in a race or you have to rescue a damsel in distress or next summer when you fit in your old bikini or favourite dress.
I hate to boast but when my housemates and I host a party, we do a damn good job. We don’t have many of them and usually reserve them for special occasions, and this one was no exception. We moved into this unit a couple of months ago after spending too much time in the unit from hell where we had thrown some excellent parties (such as “Superheroes on a Budget” and “Doomed Romance” as some of our themed ones) so we knew we could throw a killer housewarming in a unit where it was more spacious and far more classy. To suit our stylish new place, we decided not to choose a theme as such except a general sort of New York style (as the unit is very new York-ish) and encouraged everyone to dress up in the best cocktail wear and bring a bottle of alcohol of our choosing. We got a friend who is a professional cocktail mixologist to make cocktails for us for the first four hours of the night in order to avoid the nasty mess that inevitably comes when everyone at a party decides to mix their own drinks, particularly as the night wears on and people have consumed too many of their own crappy cocktails. We also had a magic show on during the night, incorporating a beatboxer. That’s right, a beatboxer. Our friends Pete and Jonny have an act called The Majik Box where Peter performs his amazing street magic and Jonny beatboxes like you wouldn’t even believe. On top of that a few of our party guests were some of the best DJs in Brisbane who all spun a few tunes for us all to enjoy as the night went on.
I can honestly say this is the best cocktail party have ever experienced and am proud that I was one of the people involved in making it happen! It took a decent amount of money and planning to get it to work, but the effort was truly worth it when we had all of the guests tell us how great a night they had for days afterwards. In an effort to spread the love, I thought I’d share a few tips so that you can throw an amazing cocktail party which you too will be able to gloat about or years to come!
Tell people what alcohol to bring. If you do not do this, people will just bring the standard range of drinks like vodka and rum, which are very important, but it’d be a very dull cocktail party if all you could make were vodka lime sodas. Make sure to get a few people to bring the basic ones like vodka though, because they will be used the most and if they run out then you will have a tough time coming up with drinks that utilise lychee liqueur and blue Curaçao. On that note though, give the more obscure liqueurs to good, reliable friend who you’re sure will turn up and have a reserve list of drinks for the people who decide to come last minute.
Get someone to make drinks for you! Unless you’re a bartender who knows how to make a mean cocktail and don’t mind being behind the “bar” making drinks for all your friends (and let’s face it, who would want that) then get someone to make the drinks for you. If it’s a friend, pay them for their time as opposed to promising them free drinks all night long, because they’re bound to get drunk and no one likes a drunk bar tender (though a few drinks wouldn’t hurt, of course).
Get some good cocktail glasses! We got some stylish ones from Target (most of them were even on sale!) and also borrowed some others from friends. You’d be amazed how much better a cocktail looks (and tastes) when served in a beautiful glass. Accept the fact some of them will get broken, so don’t lash out on some Royal Doulton crystal glassware when that $60 champagne flute glass may wind up in sixty pieces on the floor.
Provide some food. This is pretty basic but people seem to overlook it so often. Don’t just go for some chips either, get some nice cheeses and dips and make sure you present them nicely. If you have the time/energy/money do something a little bit fancy or, as we did, something to suit the theme/event, such as our mini hot dogs which complimented with the New York theme. The bonus of having decent food at your cocktail party is that it will help slow down how quickly people get drunk. While we all know the sole intention of everyone there is to get wasted, helping slow that down so people can enjoy their night for longer is appreciated by all.
Nominate a host. This sounds totally boring but will help ensure the success of the party. In this case, I was that person (sort of self nominated actually) which meant I was always keeping an eye out for spillages, collecting empty glasses and washing them so that the bar tender could concentrate on making drinks, serving food, taking photos, letting people into the building etc. It’s not glamorous but at the same time it’s so necessary. That’s not to say I didn’t have a lot to drink, dance a lot nor enjoy myself profusely. It just meant someone was always keeping an eye on things and making sure nothing got out of control. It’s also sometimes better to be that person instead of accidentally letting the clumsy person or the busy-body take charge. At least you know how you want things run and won’t have to try and sort out their mess later.
Make your place party-safe! Hide anything breakable, move furniture near walls to allow lingering/dancing space and designate a specific wet-area for the making of drinks. Also make sure you have a designated smoking area. People will want to smoke so you might as well make it convenient or them to do so, no matter how much you might hate it. Otherwise you might find people smoking in the bathrooms or just anywhere they damn well please.
Lastly, once your bartender is done for the night, don’t let it become a mad free-for-all to the booze where everyone makes whatever they want and generally makes a huge mess and wastes all the leftover alcohol. Get a couple of trusted people (this is where you, as the host, will probably be the best person for the job) behind the “bar” making drinks. They don’t have to know what they’re doing or even be any good at it, you just need to restore some order. My sister and I did most of the mixing after our bartender left, and while we weren’t that good at making drinks and definitely not very fast, we had control and managed to ensure the alcohol lasted for a lot longer than it might have otherwise.
If you do have a cocktail party and use any of my tips, let me know how it went! I’d love to think someone else could have a party as fantastic as ours was (though having a beatboxing magic show might be a hard act to beat *wink*).
Check out the other photos I took on the night (on my Holga camera, hence the changing qualities of each photo) on my flickr.
I have had pink in my hair since I was 14 years old. My mum was scared I was going to dye my whole head blue because it had been a fleeting fancy of mine, so she got me pink streaks done at the front of my hair professionally. I never would have dyed my whole head blue as I was a total wuss as a kid and never defied my mum, so I won out big time! The same thing happened when she got my nose pierced or my 16th birthday as she was scared I was going to get my eyebrow done. Imagine a blue-haired teen with a eyebrow ring – ugh, so not me. Glad mum had her doubts about my wussiness and let me get these two things done tastefully.
Anyway, because of this I like to think myself quite knowledgeable about dying hair in non-natural, vibrant colours. Even before I got the pink streaks for the first time, I used to use this stuff called Magic Silver Rose which made my hair a vivid pinky-purple colour (it was a toner old ladies used as a rinse, bit like the ol’ blue rinse, but when used concentrated it was BRIGHT as fuck). As such I am a total pink-hair-snob and shudder when I see people walking around with bad dye jobs. Doesn’t matter what colour, badly done and poorly maintained colour looks nasty, though I am especially passionate when it comes to PINK.
That is why I thought I’d share my tips on dying hair vivid colours like pink so that if you’re thinking about getting your hair did BRIGHT then you won’t make the same fatal mistakes so many others have made! My advice needs to be triplicated for those who has all of their hair dyed a bold colour (or colours) as I can get away with a lot more as I have my pink strategically placed so regrowth takes quite a while to show.
Get it done properly. Either go to a hairdresser to get your hair light enough for bright colours to show or at least make sure the person helping you out knows what they’re doing. I let some friends who had NO idea what they were doing bleach my hair once which almost killed it. Luckily this was the under-part of my hair so the damage was hard to see. Having someone stuff up when they’re doing your whole head will only result in tears!
Pick your dyes carefully! The dyes you buy at the grocery store are OK for natural colours but if you’re going got a bright red or a plummy sort of colour, you might want to look elsewhere. These dyes are designed to go over your natural hair colour and will look nasty if done over bleached blonde hair. I must admit though, store-bought black is permanent as hell and extremely good value. For unnatural, bright colours pick the brand based on how bright and permanent you want the colour to be. In Australia we really only have Fudge Paintbox which is super bright but not at all permanent (therefore ideal if you plan to change the colour regularly). The most permanent of all bright dyes I’ve found as Special Effects, which is hard to come by in Australia, though very common in the USA. SFX is therefore the best value, as a bottle of the stuff lasts ages as you don’t need to retouch the colour nearly as often as Fudge. In between Fudge and SFX are brands like Manic Panic and LaRiche Directions. Directions is a little bit more permanent than Fudge but comes in big tubs that last ages so it’s really good value. Manic Panic comes in the same sort o tubs and is even more long-lasting than Fudge and Directions so also great value. It’s an American brand though can be found in Australia easily enough (likewise with Directions, though it’s from the UK).
DO YOUR REGROWTH! There’s nothing worse than seeing someone with a bright coloured hair with a big, nasty strip of dark regrowth ruining it. On that note KEEP YOUR COLOUR BRIGHT! You want to rock the bright coloured hair? Then keep it looking good but getting rid off regrowth and keeping the colour even and the colour you want it to be. Nothing I hate more than seeing girls with half-faded pink hair with an inch of regrowth. Not got the time to maintain the colour? THEN DON’T HAVE IT! I know some people have their days/weeks where they let their hair fade out and look crap (god knows I have) but I tend to only ever see people during this stage, and rarely see them with the colour looking awesome. It ain’t hard so don’t slack off!
Pick a colour that goes with the colours you wear. I cringe when I see people with pink hair wearing red (and vice versa). If you’re going to dye your hair a certain colour then make sure it’s not going to clash with half your wardrobe.
Care for your hair! Now you have bright colored hair, you need to treat it better than how you’d treat your natural hair colour. Using shampoos that are made specifically or coloured hair are a good start. Avoiding going under the water in the pool or at the beach is another big one as chlorine and salt water can strip colour out. Washing your hair less may have to be another option because you’ll find your colour feeds really quickly if you wash it everyday vs every other day. And most importantly, particularly or those who’ve had to bleach their hair to get the bright colour, treat your hair to a special conditioning treatment after bleaching. I’m lucky because I have pink and black hair because the conditioner I get with the store-bought black dye is AMAZING.
I actually remembered to take a few photos while my mum did my hair last weekend. Yep, my mum. She is a pro at dying my hair which means I know it gets done well AND it’s free (I dye hair in return). It usually takes the better part of a full day to complete but she does a top-notch job each time so well worth it. Click the pics or full-sized images and descriptions.
If you have any questions, please feel free to ask! I’m always happy to help out with tips for keeping bright, unnatural hair colours looking good! Another great reference guide is this one by Gala Darling. Just remember though, everyone is different and practice makes perfect. What may work or me might not work for you so experiment and keep trying til you get it right!
I am a big fan of Will Smith in general and I don’t think I know anyone who doesn’t like at least one of his songs from when he was the Fresh Prince. This one’s especially good. I always wanted to go to these sorts of carefree parties where you just lounge around in your bikini and dance all sensual-like for the boyz.
