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Femmo Bites – There’s no such thing as misandry

June 19, 2015
Cara Rage, Feminism, femmo bites, In the News, Pissed Off, Random Thoughts, Rants

I wrote this post this morning on Facebook after being totally bummed out by the horrendous comments left on a post by a prominent Australian feminist writer who criticised the culture of shaming women for sending nude photos and not the men who violate the woman’s trust by sharing them with others:

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Femmo Bites – #notallmen

February 6, 2015
Feminism, femmo bites, My Advice, Random Thoughts, Ruby Kawaii

notallmen
source

I have decided I’m going to start blogging my random feminist thoughts here.  I have a lot of them all day every day but I’ve been finding it hard to do regular posts about feminism because I tend to put too much thought in them which means I often don’t get around to posting them or I think it’s not interesting/engaging enough. So instead I will post smaller “femmo-bites” about something I happen to be thinking about right now.

Today’s one stems from a facebook post I was commenting on. The OP shared a link where a girl in India confronts the man who tries to touch her inappropriately and without her consent on a plane. Almost immediately she was swamped with guys saying NOT ALL MEN in a variety of colourful ways. A number of people clarified that she did not mean ALL men at all but these dudebro’s kept going and on and on about it, even suggesting women should specify “some men” in future posts/conversations to avoid confusion in the future (ugh). This was my response (slightly edited for this post) which is my stance on why #notallmen is a harmful derailment tactic:

The fact is, a lot of men do things like this. Not all, not even most, but a lot. There are also a lot of men who mightn’t actually do this sort of thing themselves but think about doing it or don’t see why there’ such a fuss about the men who do do it. The reason for this is because many men have it deeply ingrained in them that women are objects rather than people. They feel like they, as men, have the right to touch these objects that they find desirable. For a long time, the vast majority of women put up with it because it was deeply ingrained in us too that this was how it was and we had to accept it. It’s only been in very recent history that women have found themselves able to stand up and say NO, that is NOT appropriate, and even more recently that laws have be adjusted to reflect this.

Feminism is still crucial these days, even though at a glance it might seem like women and men are pretty much equal. The wage gap and the glass ceiling both still exist, for example. But very importantly, too many men are still finding themselves unable to view women as people rather than objects and so they touch, abuse, harm and kill them in abundance. Sometimes women find themselves unable to yell at a man for touching her inappropriately because there is the very real risk that he will harm her for daring to stand up to him. The woman in this video found herself in a position where she could safely confront the man trying to touch her without her consent and did so. But if she had been in a different scenario it possibly would have been safer for her to be quiet, ignore him and leave the situation as quickly as possible. That is not equality between genders, that we cannot stop something horrible happening to us because we might get hurt or killed for saying no.

We have a very long way to go, because there are still too many men who are like this and when women try to talk about it, a bunch of other men get upset because they feel unfairly targeted despite the fact that wasn’t actually the case. That harms these conversations because it means women have to then double back and clarify that they didn’t mean ALL men at all and the original conversation has been derailed and brought back to focus on men. That is counter productive. So PLEASE understand, when women are talking about this sort of thing, we do NOT mean ALL men do these things. We are referring to those men that do. If you don’t do these things, GREAT. Keep not doing those things and maybe have a go at listening to what women are saying instead of wondering if we’re indirectly referring you and bringing the conversation back to your hurt feelings!

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Feeding the trolls

January 29, 2015
Cara Rage, Feminism, My Advice, Nerds and Geeks, Pissed Off, Random Thoughts

MRA

As anyone who reads my blog has probably realised, I don’t post here so much any more. I usually chalk it up to not having enough spare time but I know deep down that isn’t necessarily true, though the real reason has always managed to escape me. I’ve also found myself utilising social media (SM) less and less in recent years. I mean I go on it a lot still but I’m actually posting there a lot less these days. Instagram tends to be my SM of choice, I still post stuff on my Facebook occasionally but I severely neglect others like Twitter and Tumblr even though I value both mediums (and many others) greatly.

It wasn’t until I read this article today that I finally started to understand why I may not be posting online as much any more. It’s not because of time constraints or because I’m getting older ans less interested in the internet at large, I’m starting to think it’s because I have been scared off by online bullies and trolls who always manage to find a post of mine to attack, and feel to exhausted and over it to bother with their bullshit any more. And that makes me sad. I love the internet! I adore SM! I’m only 32 and I don’t have kids, I’m nowhere near too old for the WWW yet! So why have I been scared off?

Because I am told that I should not feed the trolls, that by reacting and replying to them they are getting what they want. By not responding to them I am starving them of the attention they so crave and so they will eventually starve and die. But that’s not true is it? Because we’ve been doing that for years and the trolls haven’t gone anywhere and in fact, are only getting worse. While it is obvious that trolls derive pleasure from our reactions, they also appear to feel vindicated when we stay silent. When a troll attacks a woman for daring to have an opinion online, we either give him more ammunition by responding to him or we do exactly what he wants which is to stop having that particular opinion (or at least keep it off his precious internet).

I have also been told over the years that it’s not particularly desirable to post too much “negative” stuff on SM and that it’s always a downer when I do. Whether it’s because it makes their feed a little less pleasant as they’re scrolling down or because it encourages vigorous debates in the comments which they perceive as “causing fights”, I don’t know but I’ve been told this enough to put me off of posting on my SM unless it’s funny, interesting or cute. Now that I think about this, I’m really annoyed that I felt pressured to post less because some people didn’t like my non-pleasant posts. I mean, they could always just scroll past my posts, couldn’t they? Why do I have to censor myself just so their feed is more to their tastes?

So I am done with treading carefully, ignoring the trolls or refraining from posting anything that’s not light and fluffy! I like posting about social issues like feminism and racism on my social media and I don’t give a damn if people find it too much of a downer. If a troll leaves some bullshit comments on my social media and I feel like responding with my own brand of trollin’ then I damn well will! if they get too much and I’m sick of them, I will delete their shitty comments and laugh about how pathetic they are (and probably share it on SM too). I am sick to death of being made to feel like I don’t really belong on the internet just because of my gender. Why should I feel intimidated by arsehole misogynists who have nothing better to do than to say nasty stuff on a complete strangers SM? Fuck that noise!

I think one of the first things I’m going to do is post a new vlog. After being attacked by some particularly nasty creeps a while back on one video, I’ve not felt confident in posting again. But I liked vlogging and I’ve been desperate to put my excellent video editing skills to use after many years of neglect! BAM! Take that, you fucking trolls!

And finally:

misandry

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Happy New Year! It’s 2015!

January 7, 2015
Body and Soul, Life, My Life, Nails, Parties and Fun, Random Thoughts

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Can you believe it’s 2015 already? Not to sound like an old fart, but holy moly, where is time going? I remember new years eve 1999 so vividly, I’d finished high school and had just turned 18 and spent it with a couple of my best mates and our families at Southbank. Ahhh such innocent times when I had no interest in drinking and wore handmade “Go Millennium Big” shirts.

This new years was a pretty cruisy one. Normally we make specific plans but we didn’t this year and decided kind of last minute to go to one of our favourite bars for the night. Beforehand we were invited to a friends picnic on the river to watch the sunset which was absolutely magical, until the mosquitoes came out in force!

2014 was a pretty interesting year for me. I was still coming down from the high leftover from our US trip, something that took months to subside. I was feeling incredibly unsatisfiedwith my work life, I knew I couldn’t keep working for “the man” and office works was bringing me down more than ever. After much thought and after a particularly bad refill at a cheap nail salon, I decided to bite the bullet and get a Certificate in Nail Technology. I get pretty nervous over big life decisions and so I was scared as hell about this one, but the course made me very excited about the prospect of a career change and by the end of it I knew this was what I needed to do! I set up a nail salon at home and have gotten to a point where I’m getting pretty darn good at it, especially the nail art! We also got a new dog, the sweetheart known as Midwich who has enriched our lives greatly. Shiro has changed a lot since we got her, for the better. He’s more affectionate than ever and luckily they both get along really well. We also went to Thailand for a week! I never planned to go there as I have a bunch of other countries on my to-visit list, so it was fun to have an excuse to go and see a very different part of the world! I celebrated Halloween for all of October with my 31 Days of Halloween challenge on instagram which was a LOT of fun! And I become a better feminist, learning about intersectional feminism and all that goes with it.

Not everything was hunky dory though. A week into my nail course I fell down a step on the way to work and fractured my ankle. It took months to get better and even now still hurts on occasion. Fortunately I didn’t need to get surgery though! The bit that is the most annoying though is how it stopped me from being able to exercise, I was already a bit slack on that front (but I still went to gym a few times a week), and once the routine has broken, it’s so damn hard to get back into it! So I’m pretty much at my biggest and am not too happy about it. As I’ve posted on here before, I struggle with my own body-image so it was something I worried about a lot in 2014 and was a little bit powerless (and perhaps more than a tad unmotivated) to do much about it.

My plans for 2015 so far are as follows:

  • Do nails full time! I am very likely to be doing this in the next couple of months thanks to an opportunity with a fantastic company who’s expanding to Brisbane soon. I’d like to open my own salon but that’ll probably be more for 2016.
  • Lose weight, get fit. It’s a cliche but I was too busy in 2014 to focus on this so it’s time to change things for 2015! I miss my fit, healthy body which, in retrospect, was actually bangin’. If only I’d realised this back then!
  • Sort myself out blog-wise. I know I will never get back into posting like I used to, and I’ll admit I’ve considered packing it in a couple of times lately. But I don’t want to quit and I feel like I should be able to post more often if I just committed to it. I also want to start vlogging again. I love both of these things and it’s a shame I’ve slacked off so badly in the last couple of years.
  • Travel! We’re actually going to Japan in May but I want to get myself sorted so that we can afford to travel more often, both overseas and domestically. We’ll hopefully visit a few other cities within Australia this year, including ones we’ve not been to like Perth!
  • Be a better friend. I am such a slack friend! I need to fix this! I have no excuses except general laziness, and it’s gotta stop before I have no friends left at all :( Going out of my way to plan stuff with mates, invite people over or just meet up with them for coffee or a beer is on the agenda for 2015.

I am excited about this year, I reckon it’s going to be a BIG one full of adventures and positive life changes :D

ruby_sig_2012

RIP Rik Mayall

June 11, 2014
In the News, Random Thoughts, Things I Like

rikmayall

Yesterday morning I found our Rik Mayall had died when Ben let out a mournful “Noooooooo!” as I was getting ready for work. To be honest it really got to me, I can honestly say he was one of my heroes. I grew up watching him in Grim Tales, Drop Dead Fred, the Young Ones, Bottom and Blackadder, in fact my sister and I were totally obsessed with the Young Ones, watching it religiously and quoting it constantly. Drop Dead Fred has to be one of my top 10 favourite movies (even though the ending was a bit naff), I defy anyone from around my age to say they didn’t want their own Drop Dead Fred! Perhaps it’s a testament to how much I appreciate funny people but I always had a bit of a crush on Rik, even though he played utterly repulsive characters. There was something about his manic style, the way he turned the most deplorable scumbag into someone almost lovable (albeit in a pitiful kind of way),  that I personally loved. This Vice article sums it up really nicely actually.

I’ll always regret how close I came to meeting him in 2005 when I was living in London. I found out about half an hour too late that he was doing a book signing, if I’d just read the newspaper a bit earlier I could have rushed in and made it. I was so mad at my friend who knew about it but had only thought to mention this when I’d lamented how upset I was at missing out. I have yet to even read his autobiography, possibly as some sort of dumb protest because I didn’t get a copy signed by him. Fortunately Ben has a very well-read copy which I will start reading tonight. I’ll also never forgive whoever made the decision to cut Peeves from the Harry Potter films. Rik Mayall was more Peeves than Peeves was.

RIP Rik. Thank you for all the fart jokes.

This house will become a shrine, and punks and skins and rastas will all gather round and hold their hands in sorrow for their fallen leader. And all the grown-ups will say, “But why are the kids crying?” And the kids will say, “Haven’t you heard? Rick is dead! The People’s Poet is dead!” And then one particularly sensitive and articulate teenager will say, “Other kids, do you understand nothing? How can Rick be dead when we still have his poems?”

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Toxic Misogyny

June 10, 2014
Feminism, Nerds and Geeks, Random Thoughts, Rants

I’m a little late to the party, but I couldn’t work out what I wanted to say exactly about this matter, and how I wanted to say it. I was really affected by the Isla Vista shooting the other week, I found myself thinking about it a lot and spending a lot of time reading article about the shooting itself as well as opinion pieces on why this mass shooting was especially awful. To be honest plenty has been said about it, most of it a lot better than I could possibly write (I’ll post some of links that I especially enjoyed at the end). But I still felt compelled to write something, to convey my thoughts on what made Elliott Rogers do what he did.

First of all, what he did was dreadful in every conceivable way. He decided that because women did not want to have sex with him, and other men were having sex with them instead, people deserved to die. Such a thought process is so beyond my comprehension, I barely know what to say except he was fundamentally wrong and anyone who sympathises with him is also wrong. Not one single bit of reasoning he gave for his atrocious actions can be justified in any way, which you’d think was pretty darn obvious but the amount of stuff I’ve seen where people (almost exclusively men) saying “if women just sucked his dick, this never would have happened” and words to this effect (yes I did read a tweet that actually said that and I’m still shocked and appalled by it). Clearly some people, most of which are men, just don’t get it.

Seeing #YesAllWomen take seed and blossom into an empowering discussion about what all women have to endure at the hands of some men was wonderful. It’s been so liberating to see how big this has gotten and how far the usually unheard voice of women are being heard, finally. I love seeing how much conversation it’s been generating, much of which has been very positive and helpful in shutting down the infuriating “NOT ALL MEN” rhetoric.  I can only imagine how many men are seeing this stuff, and being shocked by how lucky they are to not have endured what so many women have, from obnoxious cat calling to physical/sexual assault. I hope that men, after reading about #YesAllWomen will be more careful about who they call out “compliments” to on the street, how they pursue women at bars and when to stop, what consent actually means and how to react when they catch another guy when he does something shitty to a woman. Obviously not every man will change his behaviour, but I am really optimistic that many will.

But what about the men who refuse to change their minds or just ignore this whole issue completely? Men who’ve been brought up thinking women are nothing but objects to have sex with and (if they’re lucky/so inclined) make babies with. Men who teach their son’s that women aren’t as good as men, that manliness is proven by sexual conquest and that respecting women is for “sissies”. Sometimes these boys don’t even need to be taught these things from their parents as such, maybe their parents just don’t really go into any of it so they boy has to search elsewhere for this information, and finds it from his peers, from his favourite TV shows and films and the internet. What is the information he gleans from these sources is skewed and teaches him the wrong thing? What if he learns masculinity is defined by sex and/or violence? What if he finds new friends who feel the same way and help make him become bitter that he can’t be a “real man” without having sex, so that his only resort is violence? That’s what I believe happened to young Elliott Rogers. He wasn’t told by anyone that sex isn’t the be-all-end-all, that at the age of 22 it’s perfectly OK to be a virgin, that women can offer a lot more than sex, that you’re allowed to talk to people about how you’re feeling and that violence is never, ever the answer. I don’t blame his parents at all, they already knew he was troubled and tried to do something about it but were told there was no real risk of him doing anything drastic. Can you imagine how they must feel, they’ve lost their son but can’t really grieve for him because of his own dreadful actions.

I worry that there’s no real way to reach the young men like Elliott and his online peers who feel the same way as him. While most of them won’t get a gun and shoot people, they still think the same way he did. How do you address people of privilege who have everything going pretty darn well for them in most respects but still expect more? How do you untrain all of the young men in the world who think they deserve the love and sex of women without doing anything to actually earn it? How do you explain that a black or hispanic man has just as much right to date a white women as he does, and they probably deserve it more because they think of women as whole people and make the effort to be kind to them? How do we tell all of the new parents out in the world to teach their son’s that a woman’s worth is not measured by what she wears, how she looks or how she sleeps with? It’s an overwhelming concept which seems all but impossible, but with more and more men standing up against misogyny in society, I am hopeful that maybe it will be possible in the not-too-distant future.

Your Princess Is in Another Castle: Misogyny, Entitlement, and Nerds

Elliot Rodger was a misogynist – but is that all he was?

Elliot Rodger’s Online Life Provides A Glimpse At A Hateful Group Of “Anti-Pick-Up Artists”

Yet Another Blog Post About The Isla Vista Shooting

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Ruby’s Thoughts on Racism in Australia

June 5, 2013
Cara Rage, In the News, Pissed Off, Random Thoughts, Rants

go-back-to-where-yuu-bloody-came-from

I love living in Australia, it’s a bloody good country in a lot of ways. But as a general rule, we’re a bunch of racists. Not necessarily outright racists who abuse non-whites for merely existing, but a lot of Australians are “casually racist” in that they don’t really like other races very much but claim they actually do while bitching about “bloody abo’s” or getting angry over the “problem” with boat people flooding our country.

It’s something that’s mostly glossed over, people make a remark that’s kind of racist and people just ignore it. I admit I have, because sometimes it’s too hard to confront someone about it or you just don’t have the time/energy to start a debate on what’s considered racist. A lot of the time these comments are made by people who don’t even realise they’ve said something racist, they’re just saying what they’ve heard a lot of other Aussie’s say and don’t see it as a problem. And because people never really point it out to them, they go through life not understand just how offensive their casual racism can be.

There’s been a lot of media attention on a 13 year old girl who called an AFL player an ape recently. While it seems like an obvious racial slur, the girl insists she didn’t mean it as such and has apologised profusely for yelling it out. But she’s now become the “face of racism in Australia” and has potentially had her young life ruined because the player in question, the AFL as a whole and the Australian media are portraying her as a racist, conveniently forgetting she’s only a kid and has already apologised. She’s more than made up for her silly comment with the aftermath of this event, and I think it’s horrendous how she was treated.

I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m defending this girl after claiming most Australians are mildly racist. Well, in my opinion this little girl is being used as a tool to prove we don’t tolerate racism, and unfairly so. Aussies are so keen to prove they’re not racist by vilifying others when they really ought to be looking at themselves. I’m sure most white Australians can think of something they’ve said or thought that’s far worse than calling a man an ape, so to harass this little girl is absolutely hypocritical of us to do. Even if you haven’t said/thought something like that yourself, think of all the time you’ve heard someone make a racist comment and not spoken up. It’s not exactly the same, but just because you’ve not vocalised such comments yourself doesn’t mean you’re any better than that little girl.

I think casual racism is a big problem in Australian society and every time we ignore it, insist it doesn’t exist, or blame it all on the one person who was caught saying the wrong thing, we are only making it worse. Silence implies consent. If you don’t tell someone they’ve been racist, how will they ever know? I’m as guilty as the next person of turning a deaf ear to racist remark, and it’s something I’m working on (so not only will I be a shouty feminist who berates anyone who makes a sexist remark, I’ll also tell you off for being racist, mwahaha). Next time you hear someone mention complain about some race for doing something they don’t like, let them know it’s not on. You don’t have to be an ass about it, a polite reminder will hopefully stop them. And if it doesn’t? Well, at least you tried. You can’t change the world in a day, right?

To conclude, I am going to leave you with something that’s very painful to watch but relevant to what I have been saying. The woman in this video is NOT representative of all Aussies but she’s definitely not alone in her horrible, racist beliefs. But her vitriol isn’t the only bad thing in this video. That bus has a lot of other people on it and the only reactions she gets involve some other bogan laughing along with her, someone filming it and the bus driver asking her to stop. That poor kid had to endure that abuse alone, and I was ashamed. Silence implies consent, so as far as she knows, she didn’t actually do anything wrong. Anyway, see for yourself. WARNING: FOUL LANGUAGE.

That’s Mrs Westworth, thank you!

May 18, 2013
Feminism, In the News, My Advice, Pissed Off, Random Thoughts

bride_finger

I have been described as a militant feminist a couple of times, including by my boyfriend (though in the nicest possible way, of course). If shouting at people for making g0-back-to-the-kitchen jokes or getting rage when I hear about a new case of victim-blaming in the case of male-on-female rape makes me a militant feminist, then I am fine with this! I don’t think women get angry enough about these sorts of topics and in many cases, are worse than men at perpetuating a lot of these myths about where a woman’s place is.

One issue that I feel strongly about is women taking her husbands surname after marriage. It just feels so wrong to me, I can’t think of how it benefits the woman at all and it’s just another outdated remnant of a time where women lost their identity as soon as they were married. It bothers me so much when I hear of friends who take on their husbands name, though none of my close friends have married yet so I’ve never discussed it with them or asked them why they decided to change their name. I find it old fashioned, unnecessary and totally sexist. But when I tell people this, they think I’m being ridiculous. It’s the done thing, it’d be so confusing not to have a shared family name, it’s no big deal etc. I’m also reminded that it’s a woman’s choice and isn’t that what feminism is about anyway? Letting women make their own choices?

I call BS on all of that. It’s a massive deal to go through the process of changing your surname. It’s not like you just wave your marriage certificate at a few utilities companies and be done with it, there’s expense involved and you have to go through a lot of legal rigmarole before contacting each company necessary to make the change. Then there’s the fact you now have a whole new name! You have to change your signature and make sure you remember to give your new name instead of your old one. And if it’s “not a big deal” then why don’t more men take on their wives names? I appreciate that a part of feminism is respecting a woman’s choice, but I’m of the opinion that most women don’t take their husbands names because they really want to , they just do it because it’s expected. Fuck that! If you have a terrible surname, I can absolutely understand you wanting to take your new husbands name to get rid of it (though if it’s so bad, I would have suggested changing it to something you actually want, not just taking on whatever boring surname your boyfriend-cum-husband happens to have). But when you marry a Smith or Cockburn, please don’t tell me you actually wanted his surname because gurl, I ain’t buyin’!

I just wish women were more open to the possibility of keeping their name, because I feel it’s a massive part of who you are, and to give it away just because it’s the “norm” seems silly to me. Why not explore other options? Why can’t your hubby take on your surname? Why not, if you can, merge both your surnames and both take it on? Sure you still have to go through all of the stress of changing your name, but at least you’re doing it together! I’m also not opposed to the idea of hyphenating names (I mostly enjoy how long and obnoxious they can be). There are other options and you, as a new wife, have every right to explore them and do what makes you happy. If taking on his surname is something you genuinely want, then good for you. But please do it because it’s what you want, not because you feel you have to, OK?

I understand I may be too much of a hardarse on this matter, but I feel really damn passionate about it. I have no intention of changing my surname after I get married (I mean, Westworth is a pretty neat and unusual name, I’d never want to lose it) and my kids will either take on my name or both parents names. I’ll be damned if I’m popping children out, only for their dad to get all the freaking credit! If my husband loves me, then he’ll understand. If he refuses, then I’ll kick his arse til he does or else not marry him!

What are your thoughts? If you’re married, did you take your partners name? What were your reasons for (not) doing so? 

ruby_sig_2012

 

Cara Rage: Food in the office

May 6, 2013
Cara Rage, My Life, Random Thoughts, Rants

honey-boo-boo01

I have worked in office environments for many years now, and for the most part I love it. I get to sit in air con all day, I work in the middle of the City, I get regular lunch breaks, I don’t have to work on weekends etc. But working in an office comes with some downsides, such as being friendly with people who you’d never put up with outside of work and dressing like a chump because apparently you work better in a restrictive business shirt than you do a comfy t-shirt (yeah right).

Among many of my office-related gripes, the one thing that I dread the most about working in an office, are all of the conversations about food. UGGGHHHH! Now, I love food, I love eating it and I even like to talk about it a fair bit. But at some stage it was decided that food was one of those subjects, much like weather, that is a perfect conversation starter in workplaces that everyone can relate to (after all, we all eat food!) and can’t offend anyone.

WRONG!

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not offended by food in any way shape or form, I just find endless conversations about it really friggen boring. I absolutely dread someone wandering into the staff kitchen when I’m reheating last nights tea or cooking steamfresh vegies because I’m too damn lazy to prepare real meals. I’m pretty sneaky about it and so rarely have to worry about boring food discussions  but I can’t be a winner every time and sometimes I’m sucked into the vapid, uselessness of work-lunch-chats.

“Ooh someone’s eating healthy!” they say, seeing my steamed vegies and can of tuna.
“Aw yeah, trying” I reply, faking a chuckle and hoping against hope they get the hint and leave me alone.

I actually think that’s why my lunches are pretty boring, if I have anything too delicious or exotic, it will inevitably make people want to talk about it more, until I just want to throw it in the bin and go get sushi instead. Which I know seems super assholish, but I just can’t stand forced conversation, plus I feel what I choose to eat at lunch is no one’s damn business but my own.

Another food-related, work conversation I detest is the long-winded discussion about where to have lunch. In my last workplace where it was all a bunch of white guys aged from 27 to 45, they’d spend a good half hour discussing where they were all going to lunch before actually leaving the office. Between starting to talk about it and then returning from lunch, a good 90 minutes would have passed. I also never got why they all were so keen to go to lunch together or the fuss they’d create when someone suggested something different. I mean, they’d always end up going to Oporto’s anyway, so I never understood the big song and dance about it.

As for where I work now, I always thought of myself as a bit of a foodie, but what I meant was I like to stuff my face with food all the time. I have now discovered being a foodie is about using fancy words when describing food, eating at expensive restaurants where things are sauteed and people feel OK about eating baby chickens because they call it poussin and basically taking the pleasurable act of eating food and making it super boring and crazy expensive. Seriously, how do people who are on similar wages to me afford to eat out that often, let alone at restaurants with actual michelin stars??? It blows my mind, but not in a fun way but in a “holy shit you need to get lives that don’t involve calling a piece of meat a medallion”.

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RIP Jill Meagher

October 3, 2012
In the News, Life, Random Thoughts

Unless you’re not from Australia, you may not know about Jill Meagher. In the very early hours of Saturday 22nd September, she started the extremely short walk home in Brunswick, one she’d probably walked alone many times before. But she never made it home and her husband reported her missing right away. Within a day or two the whole of the country was aware of her disappearance. On the morning of Friday 28th I woke to the news that her body had been discovered, raped and murdered 50km north of Melbourne and a man had been arrested in relation to her death.

I honestly haven’t stopped thinking about it since my boyfriend woke me up to tell me her body had been discovered. I was feeling ratshit from going to a gig the night before and the subsequent agony that my back was going through as a result, but I was wide awake as soon as I heard. I knew deep down that there wouldn’t be a happy ending when she was missing for more than three days and they found her belongings in an alley. But that doesn’t stop you from feeling sad when you find out what happened to her.

Without making this a big ol’ feminist rant, I just want to say how close to home this is for almost every female I know. We’re always told to be careful, not to walk alone at night (especially not while drunk) and always be wary of strange men. But who would ever think they’d be abducted while walking the 500m from a bar to your home in a busy neighbourhood? It goes to show that no matter how careful and prepared for the worse you are, it means nothing when you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was so sad to hear of people victim-shaming her for not calling her hubby to pick her up or catching a cab. It was 500 metres, of course it made sense to walk when she probably did it dozens of times before. I’ve made similar walks home while drunk before and while I had fleeting thoughts of worry that someone might try and hurt me, the fact it was a short distance in a busy area with lots of potential witnesses made the likeliness of my being hurt/grabbed seem impossible. I could have been so wrong just one of those times and never made it home. It’s so unfair that women have to be scared about being assaulted by simply walking by themselves at night, and then have people say “well you shouldn’t have done that” like we’re supposed to cover ourselves head to toe and have a man with us at every moment to avoid being attacked. It’s just bullshit.

I just hope Jill’s death won’t be in vain. I hope that it will affect people in such a way that we all start looking after one another a little better. Yes, killers and rapists will always be out there but maybe this will help make people more aware of the things happening around them and more willing to help out if someone seems to be in trouble. I also hope cab drivers stop refusing short trip fares, especially to the vulnerable and partners are more obliging to pick loved ones up instead of expecting them to make their own way home after a night out. If that’s what comes of of this terrible situation then at least Jill’s death wasn’t entirely pointless, especially if it ends up saving someone else’s life.

RIP Jill.