What can I say, I liked the smaller and more refined rants that this format has to offer, so I thought I’d do it again!
DO THE SPEED LIMIT PAST SPEED TRAPS
My best friend had a rant to me about this the other day. People who slow down to 20km/h past police of speed traps are fucking retarded. You know you can go the speed limit, right? They ain’t gonna book you for going over 35 when the speed signs clearly say 60! It’s dumb and totally dangerous.
BE MORE AWARE OF THE PEOPLE WALKING BEHIND YOU
You might like to think you live in your own little bubble where you can do what you want without really affecting anyone. But you don’t, and stopping dead in the middle of the shopping center in front of someone who’s walking quickly is rude and totally obnoxious. This goes especially to the fools who do this while with large groups of people. Move to the side motherfuckers, I’m in a hurry!
CLEAN OUT YOUR WARDROBE
OK so this is hilarious if you know me well enough as I HATE doing this and so rarely do. But you need to get your wardrobe in order once in a while. While you may not be able to find a lot to get rid of (like me) you at least get rid of the absolute dregs and get things looking spic and span by folding everything up nicely and sorting them appropriately so you can actually start finding shit again.
BUY MORE CDs/DVDs
I know this is the age of downloading stuff but I feel way too guilty to download more than the occasional song. Sure I’ll watch it if it’s not worth going to the movies for or if it’s a new TV show that won’t be showing in Aus for ages (if ever) but overall I like buying CDs and DVDs because it gives you something to look through and shows off you unique taste when others take a squizz.
STOP LIKING EVERYTHING ON FACEBOOK
Who creates these ridiculous pages and how are there so many knobs out there who actually go and “like” them? They range from the lame, though to-the-point ones like “Chicks in glasses are sexy” right through to the plain fucking long-winded and pathetic ones like “If your makeup isn’t done your hair is a mess and your in your pjs and he still cant resist taking you into his arms, he’s a keeper”. THESE ARE ACTUALLY REAL PAGES WITH THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE ON THEM, GUYS! I hate the internet so much sometimes.
DON’T RUIN STATUS UPDATES WITH INANE CHATTER
Speaking of Facebook, nothing boils my blood like those dumbasses who somehow manage to miss the 28 other comments on a status update to either ask a question that got answered in the first or second comment or else just jumps on and ask the poster a totally irrelevant question. Like one I saw about a friend who won a basketball final, some chick comes on after 10 other people have commented and says “Hey hun, what’s up, it’s been a while, txt me”. FFS it’s called an email or at the very least a fucking wall post! Way to ruin the vibe with your stupidity! Fuck I hate Facebook sometimes (aka most of the time).
STOP WASTING ENERGY
I don’t give a damn if you don’t believe in global warming (though I personally consider all global warming cynics to be massive fuckwits, FYI), wasting energy is a big NO NO. Turn the lights off when the room is not in use and use the dryer when you need something dry now, not just coz. Planet earth is a pretty neat place, and just think, the hole in the ozone layer is almost gone now because of the ban on CFCs, imagine how much better off we’d be if everyone just conserved energy and recycled more.
GET SOME REAL SKILLS
Your mum won’t be around forever (sad face) so learn some of her skills, plus a few from your dad and practice them. Knowing how to sew up a hem or check the oil in your car are amazing skills that so few people have these days. One day the mechanic or tailor won’t be there to save your arse when hems start dropping and cars start explodin’, so impress your friends by fixing it yourself!
OK that’s me for now. Sorry about the lack of blog updates, the Brisbane Zombie Walk is less than a month away and I have some blood to make for our fundraiser party tomorrow night!