I have just about HAD IT with this “Lady GaGa is a hermaphrodite” nonsense. I can’t even believe I am acknowledging these stupid romours at all, but after a few people made a big deal about it at work today I felt the need to have a rant about how preposterous this all is.

Let us observe the facts:

• Why would a woman who was born with both sets of reproductive organs wear little more than skin-tight body suits (and almost never wear pants)? Seems a bit silly, if it’s a secret she’s trying to keep from the public. I know that if I had a penis but was really born a girl, I would be wearing clothing to cover my secret, not wearing virtually nothing down there and thrusting my business for all to see/judge.
• Lady GaGa is from a wealthy family. If she’d been born a hermaphrodite like all those dickheads think she was, why would her WEALTHY family not given her the operation to remove the penis and make her a complete female? I can’t imagine any family letting their daughter have two sets of genitals, let alone one who could afford the corrective proceedure easily.
• She used to be a stripper! I have a sneaking suspicion that the patrons of the gentleman’s club where she worked would have noticed if she was sporting a penis alongside a vag!

The fact of the matter is, Lady GaGa is a woman and does NOT hve a penis. People who are gullible/stupid enough to believe these rumours ought to be ashamed of themselves (don’t even get me started on the arseholes who started the rumours). There is no proof and I honestly believe these foul rumours were invented by some cruel jerks have a severe case of “tall poppy syndrome”. OK so the girl is totally plain without all her makeup, so what? A lot of girl, famous or not, are the same. You gonna start calling every girl who looks plain/ugly without makeup a man??? I’ve also heard some super-arseholes (including people I know in real life, much to my shock) say her legs are boyish. EXCUSE ME??? Her legs are about 1000 times nicer than mine you fucking creeps! Way to make me feel like shit!

I don’t understand why people are making this into such a big deal. I personally think Pink had the figure of a skinny white guy but I don’t remember anyone giving her immense amounts of shit about it like they do Lady GaGa (it may have happened way back when she first started out, like I said I don’t remember, but I doubt it did). I personally think it’s because Lady GaGa is a bit too different for most people, and people don’t like it when people are intentionally different from the norm and so have to attack them and justify their worries with ridiculous lies and rumours. Lady GaGa is totally awesome. She does her own thing, in hr own unique way and good on her for not caring and being who she wants to be! God forbid other pop stars do anything like that any more!

And my last comment on this whole situation: so fucking what is she was a hermaphrodite?! Does that make her any less of a person or any less talented? Shpuld be not listen to the music of hemaphrodites because it’s “wrong”? That’s totally fucked up, and disgusts me more than anything. Who really gives a shit if a singer has a dick and box? I sure don’t! I almost wish she WAS a hermaphrodite, so scare all the narrow-minded biogots out there who can’t handle something out of the ordinary like that!

One of my biggest pet hates is musical ignorance. Nothing angers me more than when someone sums up an entire genres of music with one or two words. Prime examples include calling all dance/electonica music “doof doof” or “techno”, any rock music heavier than Nickelback “heavy metal” and calling all urban music “rap”. I’m not saying I expect everyone to be well-versed in all genres of music out there (thanks to Myspace, there’s not a soul alive who could possibly know them all) but it’s so ignorant to label an entire genre of music with something as simple as “techno”. It’s even more ignorant to say you don’t like “techno” or “rap” because you have essentially said you dislike entire, vast categories of music, many of which may overlap with the kinds of music you happen to like.

These days it’s cool for bands and singers to cross as many genres as possible, that’s why we have sub-genres like indie-electro, urban house, grindcore, and power metal among many other strangely named styles that no one can really comprehend properly. And let’s face it, rock and roll from the 1950s was originally developed as a fusion of blues, gospel and country music! Chances are, the band you were so sure was just a rock band is actually some electroclash, post-modern idie-pop band with soul tendencies.

If you don’t know what sub-genre of music a song falls into, don’t be an idiot and call it something like doof doof music or “that rap crap” because you’re just making yourself look like a fool. Either learn a little more about music beyond ROCK, RAP, TECHNO, CLASSICAL, COUNTRY and RETRO. Because for godsake, even HMV has more of a clue about sub-genres and god knows you probably shop there for all your music. And if you can’t be bothered educating yourself, shut the hell up and let the rest of us enjoy all the varied style of music available to us this day and age!

I hate hype, particularly when it comes to music. You see it all the time, a band or singer released a song that is really, really good and you wonder how their new album will sound. Well, so does everyone else but most people take it to the extreme and create a whole bunch of hype, based on that one song. Every piece of street press you read, all the music sites and music channels you frequent are all over that shit like it’s the next big thing, for real this time. Well guess what? It’s not. The hype is rarely ever justified. In most cases, the next song is either the same as the first one, not as good as the first one or just plain awful. Some people can look past that and will wait for the album, buy it as soon as it hits the shelves and listen to it eagerly. Most of these people say they liked the album, but I never hear rave reviews about these over-hyped musicians and their less-than-ordinary music. It’s always “Yeah it’s a good album, but not as good as I was expecting”. DUH! No one can live up to excessive hype, so you ruined it for yourself! How about next time you wait til the album is out before you wig out about how great that band is, instead of setting yourself up for bitter disappointment.

One of my favourite examples in MGMT. Man Electric Feel was a great song, so the hype started and these boys could do no wrong. Their other singles (ie. Kids) were enjoyable but not really quite as good. Then their album came out and surprise surprise, it wasn’t very good. At all. In fact I listened to it once and haven’t touched it again. Electric Feel was so good, and the rest was this psychadelic electro rubbish that eventually sounded like a lot of LSD-induced noise by the end of it. And yet their gig in Brisbane sold out in minutes last year. It seems to me that all these people who get caught up in the hype are too proud to admit they got carried away and keep up the pretense of thinking this is the best band/album ever until the next big thing comes out to distract everyone, so they can save face when they finally admit they were over-rated.

Right now I am sick to death of the hype surrounding Empire of the Sun (pictured). Seeing pictures like this is already enough reason for me to hate them on principle, but the hype surrounding them only makes them even more annoying. I really liked their first song Walking on a Dream and though I thought the film clip was a bit odd but it caught my attention none the less. I happen to really like Pnau so I was intrigued by Nick Littlemore’s side project, though somewhat repulesed that it had to include Luke Steele from The Sleepy Jackson (he is a douchebag). So their next single came out and wow, it sounds exactly the same and features them being wearing the same silly outfits, doing the same silly actions but in the jungle instead of the city this time. Well isn’t that just wonderful. A band with some potential turns out to be another crock of over-hyped bullshit. Now everyone’s flipping out about their “epic” stage show when they play at Parklife this year. I wonder how many people actually care about them or their excessive, arty and self-indulgent stage show that is designed to go along with their excessive, arty and self-indulgent music.

I am all about supporting musicians who are very good at what they do, who break boundries and make excellent music. If a band or a musician starts off good and gets better and better as they make more music, release more albums and put on excellent shows as they go on tour then fine. They deserve some hype and relentless adoration because they are consistently excellent beyond their first single with it’s arty-farty music video.

I almost wish I was able to go to Parklife this year (I will be in Japan at the time) so I can go and see if ANY of the hype surrounding Empire of the Sun is actually justified. And if I was not blown away from the get-go then they would have been taunted and booed until my throat was sore!

will be taunted and booed
           until my throat is sore