Growing up is OPTIONAL!

I was linked to this article the other day, which got me very, very angry. In fact I ranted about it for the next couple of hours to anyone who would listen. Luckily everyone who endured the rant ended up agreeing with me (and joining in on the ranting). It’s about having to grow up once you’re 25 years old. Not in the “you can’t have fun ever” way (though they’re not far off it, actually), more like a “you’re an adult now, so start acting like one”. I admit everyone around the age of 25 ought to smarten up a bit if they hope to survive in the real world, but according to the douchebag who wrote this article once you turn 25 you pretty much forfeit any of the fun stuff you did prior to turning 25.

Well I say balls to that! I am a firm believer in the saying “Growing old is inevitable. Growing up is optional“. There should not be a certain age where people have to grow up and start acting like a well-balanced, respectable adult. Some people choose to do this early in life, some choose to do it when they’re in their mid-twenties, and others don’t seem to do it at all. And it’s all good! Personally I am the latter, I haven’t “grown up” yet and I don’t plan to any time soon. I mean, I have a job, I pay rent and  bills, I have responsibilities, I look out for others instead of being a selfish teenager all the time and so on. But I take great offense to this particular article implying that doing the things they listed should kick into gear by the time you’re 25 years old.

The fact is, there is no deadline for when you have to become boring.

Let’s look at this article in more detail, shell we? The first example is Remember to write thank-you notes. Unless we’re talking about a wedding, there is no need to write thank you letters. If you’re  a letter-writing sort of person then fair enough, go nuts and write as many as your hand will let you, but most people aren’t and most people don’t care. One friend stated that if he got a thank you note for giving someone a present, he’d probably throw it out without even reading it. He didn’t give the gift for puncy little thank you notes, and so doesn’t expect people to give any to him.

The next one is Do not invite yourself to stay with friends when you travel anymore. Well excuse me! The reasoning is because you should have a job and can therefore get a hotel room. Well maybe I spent all my savings on the damn plane ticket and the hostel beds I used while being in places where I don’t know people. Perhaps a free stay with a friend would allow me to see something I wouldn’t have been able to afford, had I stayed in some hotel. This leads on to the next point Do not expect friends to help you move anymore which is pretty much the same thing. Moving house is expensive, getting removalists to move all your stuff when you’re only moving to the next suburb just adds an extra expense that many people can’t really afford. If your friends are too busy to help you move, then ask some other friends (and maybe think about ditching those scumbag ones who won’t lend a hand).

This one just made me really angry: Do not share the crazy dream you had last night with anyone but your mental wellness professional. If I want to tell my mates about this twisted dream I had that they were in briefly, then I will. We all know dreams aren’t as interesting to other people as they are to you, but if you want to tell people about it, then go ahead. There’s nothing childish about sharing a dream where you and your friend won a million dollars and bought a marshmallow and puppy factory and married famous rockstars.

Do as invitations ask you. OK so you’d be a totally shit friend if you took five friends to a party when the invitaion said +1 only. But that time thing is bollocks. Unless you’re having a dinner party (which is usually a very boring and lame thing to do, in my opinion) then people should be able to turn up whenever they can. Most people tend to have informal parties at their homes or out at bars so it’s not a case of having to be there on time or else miss out. The way people are these days (check out my Case of the Flake People article) you can’t set a specific start time and expect people to adhere to it. Most people can’t and won’t, and so we all suck it up because only arsehole friends care if you turn up late to a party. Your turned up, after all!

Then we have Drinking until you throw up is no longer properly a point of pride. Now, most reasonable people over the age of 19 know it’s not totally awesome to go out four nights a week and drink enought to spew everywhere every single time. But dammit, if I have a massive night out that ends in hilarity/masisve embarrassment/vomiting into someone’s front garden then I am going to recount it to my friends and have a good old laugh about it. Now I’m 26, I’m not going to suddenly stop all my binge drinking completely and start drinking fancy wines in sensible amounts, or start drinking cognac and swishing my glass around so I can smell the aroma. Fuck that! I like my big nights out like the next average, well-balanced person, and by god I will gloat about my misadventures the next day if I want to!

Then there’s Have a real trash receptacle, real Kleenex, and, if you smoke, a real ashtray and get your speakers off the floor which are some of the most boring statements I’ve ever read in my life. I use toilet paper to blow my nose all the time? That makes me immature does it? What-the-fuck-ever! I will use whatever paper-like substance I want to blow my nose, and there’s not a dman thing anyone can say to make me feel like a kid for doing so!And by the way, my speakers ARE on the floor becaue they look good there and I don’t have a proper unit to store them in – if anyone has an issue with that, they can bite me and get out of my house.

I could go into great detail on every single point this girl made, but I’ve already made myself exceptionally angry just by looking at that stupid article the few times I needed to refer to it. My point is, acting a certain way at a certain age doesn’t make you a grown up. Using a hankie, being able to walk in heels, keeping dreams to myself, learning to change a tyre, buying shelves for my speakers and taking my earphone out when talking to shopkeepers does NOT make me an adult. Being my own person and loving myself despite my flaws and bad habits does. Friend are there for you no matter what, a good friend will help you move houses or put you up for a few nights if you ask them nicely. Adhering to these dumb “guidelines” will just end up making you a boring loser and will not win you any new friends.It will probably also cause you to lose you more interesting friends too.

My bestie just summed it up nicely when I asked what he thought I should add to this blog: “They can go and suck my dick”. Very well put.

Weekly Wrap 25/05/2009

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Given my appalling couple of weeks, I figured it’d be nice to wrap up my week – just the nice stuff that happened and have stuck in my mind.

Spending lots of time with my mum and getting stuff done / Doing a lot of exercise and feeling like a million dollars afterwards / Changing my eating habits and losing a few kg’s as a result / Seeing real-life macaws and hundreds of wild kangaroos on a unexpected bus trip home / An unplanned day off work that did me wonders / Fantastic news after a lot of bad / A bunch of flowers greeting me at work / Finding money while cleaning and having an amazing meal and seeing a film for FREE as a result / Excessive tea consumption / Silver platforms / Delicious perfume on sale / Finding amazing false lashes and nail decals for CHEAP / New Livejournal layouts that suit me far too well / Magners Cider / Singing bad pop music as loud as I can at work (without getting into trouble) / Anticipating my first ever hypnotherapy session…

This week is going to be so much better. I have a few interesting things to look forward to, like my first ever hypnotherapy sessions. I’m getting it to help my food-obsession, but I’m mostly excited about the whole idea of it, a friend got it done recently and said the experience was unbelievable, plus it worked! I’m going to something called a “Leadership Breakfast” through work on Thursday morning which sounds a little bit fancy and totally delicious. My mum got her loan approved which means she can move into her new house and not stress so much! This was what caused at least 40% of my stress lately so it’s a HUGE relief for us both.

I hope everyone else is having a good week too :)

One of the worst weeks ever

This has honestly been a dreadful  week. Not just for me, but for a lot of people, particularly people very close to me. I don’t want to go into details, it’s all very complicated and going over it will probably only upset me more, but it’s just not been my week. I have to wonder if there’s some sort of supernatural or cosmic force behind this? In south-east Queensland we’ve had horrific weather and flooding, and have been declared a natural disaster zone for all the damage that’s been caused. Numerous friends of mine have had nothing but terrible luck and awful situations in their lives and it seems like everything is going to shit for a lot of people I know.

Personally I have been trying to combat the negativity in my life by just doing things for myself. I have been exercising relentlesly, because I feel so good after a hardcore workout and an extra dose of serotonin can’t be beat. I have also been taking my issues head on and trying to deal with them as they come, instead of bottling them up and feeling all the worse for it. It meant taking a  day off work to just chill out and work some things out, but it was necessary for my own well-being.

I can only hope this bad news week is almost over for everyone affected and things will start looking up soon. I wish I had advice for anyone else going through similar things to me, all I can suggest is taking on your problems as they arise and fix them as soon as possible, and not bottle them up or repress them. Hopefully you will pull through and be all that more stronger for it!

Why I haven't posted all week

Ahhh Bonjela gel, how I love you! In other words, I’ve had a fairly average week (tooth pulled, twisted ankle, various issues in my personal life etc) and haven’t had the time or energy to post this week. I will be posting again tonight, in case there’s anyone out there hanging out for some Ruby Velour wit and wisdom! I’ll try not to be slack like this any more!

RnB Music is not a Crime!

OK so what’s the deal with everyone hating on RnB music? Why is it that so many people will gloat about how diverse their tastes in music are, but then go on about how much they hate RnB. And it’s never “Oh I don’t really care for RnB very much”, it’s always “Oh man I fucking hate that rap and RnB crap!” with such vehemence and loathing! It always shocks me, because I am unashamedly a HUGE fan of RnB, hip hop and rap. This often comes as a massive shock to people because I apparently don’t look like the type of girl to like that type of music (but they’re also the people who assume I only listen to heavy metal and punk, so nuts to them). It puzzles me how people who boast about their fantastic tastes in music, but then disregard, or in most cases hatefully oppose, an entire genre of music.

So what is it about RnB, hip hop and rap that gets peoples goats? I guess the most obvious factor is the “scene”. The RnB/hip hop/rap scene is notorious for attracting thugs and wannabe gansta’s who like to dabble in drunken fist fighting or in the case of clubs in the USA – gun violence. But hang on! That’s an unfair generalisation, isn’t it? Maybe so, but in my experience it’s unfortunately justified. Mind you I have only been to RnB clubs in Brisbane and London, but they have all had the same vibe about them. All is fun while you’re dancing to Rihanna but then someone bumps into some angry dude and a fist-fight will break out in the middle of the dance floor. Not all RnB clubs are necessarily like this, I have been to some very sedate ones where there wasn’t any violence at all, but it does seem to be how it generally goes.

But is this a good enough reason to hate the whole genre? Hell no! Come on people! Every scene has something negative about it, but no one seems to notice them as readily as with the RnB/hip hop/rap scene. Every time I go out these days, there’s a fight breaking out on the dancefloor, at the bar or just outside the main entry. This ain’t RnB’s fault! It’s going on at all the clubs, bars and pubs! The fact is, people seem so scared of enjoying RnB music and going to the clubs that are frequented by homies, wiggers and wannabe gangsters! I am of the opinion that we need to start mixing things up by going to these venues and proving to people that “Hey, regular people like me can listen to this music, have a dance and not end up punching someone in the face at the end of the night”. And lets not forget you don’t have to wear excessively baggy clothes to enjoy the music (god I wish someone would tell these guys XXXXL shirts do NOT look good on anyone). If all we have left going to RnB venues are the dregs, let’s start drowning them out by having fun with what is an excellent genre of music!

Dissing a whole genre of music because of the scene and a few shitty examples circulating the in the music charts is uncool. The amount of people I know who claimed they hated RnB but then completely had an about-face turn after spending time with me and experiencing the many joys of Urban music. Sure it has some rubbish in there, but so do all other genre’s of music! Try to tell me you don’t secretly love a bit of MC Hammer, Usher, Bobby Brown, TLC, LL Cool J or Janet Jackson now and then! And let’s not forget all the obscure artists out there who fly the “Urban music” flag. It’s not all the stuff you hear on commercial radio, there’s plenty of amazing underground stuff around that would blow your mind if only you’d open it up a little!

Please note: This can also apply to other hated genres of music like country, heavy metal, ska etc. All of which are also excellent in their own ways. Be a music lover, not a hater!

(If you actually do dislike RnB, hip hop and rap because it is not a style of music you enjoy, then you should probably disregard this entire post)

Case of the Flake People

There’s a party on tonight, hosted by a good friend who’s been going on and on about it for the last few weeks. It’s not for a couple of hours yet but you’re really don’t feel like going, maybe you’re feeling a bit sick or just lazy, but basically going is the last thing you really feel like doing. So what do you do? More than likely you probably make up some elaborate excuse so you don’t seem like a jerk who just couldn’t be arsed going, right?

I saw an article about this a while ago and it struck me as being something we all do all the time without any thought about its effects and how detrimental it’s being to ourselves as well as the people around us. Why is it that people just can’t be bothered turning up to the things they said they were really keen to go to. And why must we creat all these massive stories to excuse the fact we just decided to flake out. Whatever happened to honoring your RSVP or being honest when it comes down to why you’ve decide to be a no-show. And in some cases, why do we think it’s OK to say yes to something then not follow through with it, without a simple call or sms to give a heads up?

In my experience (as someone who gets people flaking out on me a fait bit, and as someone who’s done a fair bit of flaking out myself) there are a few reasons why we do these things. For example, say you’ve been invited somewhere, like a friends BBQ but you find you’re still in bed and couldn’t be bothered getting up to go. In most cases, instead of pushing ourselves to go, we’ll find the mobile phone and send a text saying you can’t make it for whatever reason pops into your head (some classic examples include taking someone to the airport, visiting someone in hospital, family issues, being called into work etc). Personally I believe we do this for two reasons; 1) because we don’t want to look like an arsehole who’s too lazy to bother coming to something your friend asked you to; 2) we don’t want to hurt their feelings by admitting we are arseholes who are too damn lazy to make the effort to go to something they’ve asked you to. As for those who don’t even text/call to give some warning, while it’s not a very cool thing to do, I find people do this because they usually don’t think anyone would notice they didn’t turn up so don’t see the point in highlighting the fact they won’t be there. You’d be surprised how untrue that is. If a friend has personally asked you to come along to something, they will notice if you don’t turn up. Just because it’s a huge, rocking party doesn’t mean you won’t be missed, because you will be!

These days, what with just just about everyone in the world being on Facebook or other similar social networking pages, we seem to be flaking out more so than ever. It’s so very easy to “accept” an invitation when all that you have to do is click “yes” or “maybe” without really thinking about whether or not you’re going to be able to go at all. I’m constantly being spammed with event invites, and although most of them are from people I don’t even know or for events I don’t know a thing about, I always consider each one carefully so that whatever option I click I know I have been honest with my response. I know it seems kind of silly when it’s just a Facebook invite, but if you ever want to stop being a flake, it’s something you should start working on so that you can fix the problem in all aspects of your life. If you know you can’t make it to that CD launch, club night, 21st party or whatever, then say “no” and comment to say why! If you’re hovering between “yes” and “maybe” then make the decision right then and there: either you make a concerted effort to turn up or you say no. I think it’s better to say no and then randomly turn up anyway, than say yes or maybe and not turn up and be a flake.

So, in conclusion, try to be more honest with these decisions (and you know, everything in life). If you do decide to flake out, be honest and don’t come up with crazy/cliche excuses. No “visiting an obscure relitive in the hospital” or “I got called into work”, be honest and tell them you’re not up for it and apologise. Offering to make it up to them is also a nice addition (so long as you’re willing to do so, that is). By constantly flaking out, you’re going to end up being “that” person who never turns up to anything even after RSVPing yes. We all have at least one of those people for friends, so why would you want to become that person too?! If you say yes to an invite, then make a damn good effort to honour your word and go. So what if you were invited to three parties on the same night? If possible, go to all three. That way you’ve honoured your word and you’ve also given yourself a range of options instead of going to the one party and finding out it was a dud.