I am not what most people would describe as a feminist. I enjoy being girly, I like to flaunt my magnificent boobs and I am constantly appalled that chivalry is dead. However, I do actually identify myself as a feminist. Oh don’t look at me like that, feminist is not a dirty word!

I am not a traditional sort of feminist by any means. I don’t go on rallies and I am not overly vocal about my beliefs, unless it involves a significant injustice against women, and I do not hate men. I do however believe very strongly in equal rights for females, something I do not believe we have yet achieved. That’s probably one of the reasons why I am a bit quiet about it, people take such offense to the idea of feminism, like women are lucky to be allowed the rights they have. The worst part is, a lot of women seem to agree with this way of thinking. I like to think they just don’t want to be labeled a feminist (like I said, people consider it to be a dirty word) but then again maybe a lot of women have the idea that they’re not quite as good as men deeply ingrained in them.

I only recently decided to start calling myself a feminist, in particular after reading a few blogs that were aimed at teenagers mostly, but I actually found a lot of the information on there really relevant to my feelings on the subject. I’ve always been the kind of person to get mad at anyone who claims (or even implies) women aren’t equal to men, and have had many heated arguments with people over sexist statements they’ve dared utter in my presence. But it wasn’t until reading some really good articles by these girls who identify as feminists who didn’t fall under the dreaded “feminazi” title that I actually decided to identify myself as a feminist. It’s a shame that I could never identify as one previously because I has this skewed idea of what feminism meant, and I’m sure it’s the same for most women. I think all women should be able to call themselves a  feminist, because there are different levels of belief in the cause (kind of like religion, some people are super devout while others believe without feeling the need to go to church).  All women should want to be equal to males in regards to human rights, work opportunities, sexuality etc.

One of the things that gets to me most is the difference in perception between males and females for doing the exact same thing. While I am naturally outraged by the idea of a male getting paid more for doing the same job as a female, just because of gender, it’s the smaller things that I feel don’t get voiced enough. An obvious example is the idea that a male can sleep with as many women as he wants and gets positive attention from other males while a female who does the same thing is no more than a “slut” (which is one of my most hated words, by the way). I hear guys often talk about how a promiscuous girl is a slut because she has one-night stands and has casual sex. When I interject and ask them how much casual sex they have, the fact they have a lot more than this poor girl doesn’t even matter. She sleeps around and that is disgusting and that is that. I’ve often asked how it differs between women and men, why can a man sleep with a hundred women and a woman sleep with say 20, and it be applauded for the male and found repulsive for the girl. There’s never a proper answer and usually comes down to the whole “women are not as superior as men” idea or the ridiculous belief that it’s dirtier for a woman to have had lots of penises in her than for a man to have stuck his dick in hundreds of vagina’s. And yet these guys will go buy a copy of FHM and ogle the featured girls (and possibly even fantasise about them)  and not even care that thousands of other men are doing the exact same thing. It’s bizarre.

And then there are things like how people think the worst of a girl who’s overweight and barely bat and eyelid over a guy who’s just as heavy. I’m sure the guy also gets his fare share of criticism for being large, but I find women get it much, much worse. The comments differ so much. “Wow that’s guy’s huge” vs “Check out that fat bitch”. It’s a weird one, but I do feel that fat girls are perceived far worse than fat guys. Then there’s the whole representation in the media, where almost everything can be sold with an attractive lady in the picture, regardless of the targeted demographic, bang a hot girl  in the ad and it’s gonna sell. Male-orientated advertising is going to be more sexual and in-your-face than advertising that’s aimed at women, but for the most part, it’s all about using a woman’s good looks and body to sell products and I think it’s sad. And my biggest gripe right now? The depiction of women who not only enjoy but actually get turned on by domestic violence. I have been noticing it in TV, film and even music videos lately and am shocked that it’s still tolerated. I also get riled by the women who suffer domestic violence, particularly against their famous boyfriends/husbands, and yet go back to them because it was “out of character”. I hope I do not have to explain how wrong, wrong, wrong this is.

I am not a man-hating lesbian as most feminists are perceived to be. I do not wear asexual clothing and hide my femininity because I feel I am exploiting myself for the benefit of men. I am a normal woman who loves makeup, dresses and the colour pink. I don’t demand or even want anything more than for women to have the same rights and respect as men get. I understand women have so much more available to them now than they ever did in the past, but I still feel women have a long way to go before a good level of equality is reached (I don’t excpect there will ever be such thing as total equality, not in my lifetime anyway). I just want people to accept the actions, desires and worthiness of women the same as they currently do for men.

There is so much more I could say on the subject, but I’d actually rather hear from other people about their ideas about feminism and whether you think there’s still gender inequality these days (namely in 1st world countries, as we all know gender inequality is rampant in many 3rd word nations). Tell me your thoughts, examples of gender inequality or whatever you’d like to contribute to the discussion.

Some interesting links:
Madonna syndrome: I should have ditched feminism for love, children and baking
Against the name Change: A Polemic
The F Bomb: Feminist Blog about Women’s Rights for Teenage Girls
The Sexual Behaviours of Women vs Men
Why modern feminism is illogical, unnecessary, and evil
What’s a Modern Girl to Do?
NOW VP To Sarah Palin and Conservative Women: Stop Being So Empowered, Darn It!

EDIT: Just wanted to clarify a few things. I am not attempting to justify myself by saying I am a girly girl who likes guys and wears makeup, as though trying to distance myself from the feminist stereotype. I am attempting to make a point that even though I do not conform to how people think a feminist ought to look or act, I am one and not ashamed to say so. I am aware the feminist stereotype exists for a reason, and so if you are offended by the fact I made a point of distancing myself from it, I apologise because that wasn’t my intention at all. I think all women of all walks of life should be able to call themself a feminist without thinking they’re going to be labled as something they’re not.
Also, I do not necessarily agree with the sentiments in some of those links, I just wanted to share a few that raised interesting points that helped prove what I was attempting to say. At least one of these is exactly the oppisite of how I feel but I wanted to show the “other side” of the debate.

As a result I made sure to have a nice quiet weekend doing some of the things I love which I think has helped me immensely. These included going to see Alice in Wonderland at the movies on Friday night (which I loved, by the way) before coming home to find my good friends over with their Wii console where we battled it out with Wii Tennis, which I am shocking at but love it none-the-less. On Saturday I slept in late, watched Video Hits and old cartoons before slowly getting ready and catching up with some friends at an afternoon punk show. That evening I headed to my mum’s for the night where we stayed up late watching movies on TV and chatting. On Sunday we bummed around the house, did some scrapbooking, watched blue wren’s teaching their babies how to forage for food and use the bird bath (Cutest. Thing. Ever!), ate way too much food, ran some errands (which resulted in my almost having a seizure from laughing so much, I kid you not). Then it was home for $5 steak with a friend and now I am feeling refreshed for the new week, especially since it’s my first 7:30am shift at this job and the first one I’ve done in years (I really do not do early mornings so this will be a massive learning curve for me).

My plans for this week include getting back on track with my healthy eating regime, exercising an extra day this week and preparing myself for Lady Gaga on Friday night! I am too excited to comprehend and I still don’t know what to wear yet!!!

How do you  get over an extended bad mood? Do you have battle tactics to fight it, or do you just succumb and let it take over?

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”
- Marilyn Monroe

(More here)

Christmas time is the worst because I can control myself when not in shopping environments (ie. I don’t feel the urge to go to the shops to buy a new dress when at home, it only happens when I am at the shops and the dress is in front of me) but as I am now thrusting myself in these environments constantly, I find myself buying random things that I really do not need and not buying presents for others! It’s ridiculous! I guess I am also lucky that I am usually a spend-thrift shopper and rarely buy anything that isn’t on sale. I am also a pro at finding amazing bargains and saving a lot o money on an item that could have cost me a fortune. Though this tends to encourage me to just buy more stuff which kind of negates my good work at finding bargains in the first place :/

A lot of the time I find myself using going shopping as a means of “retail therapy” when I am sad or angry or otherwise feeling upset in some way. Even as I am wandering around the shops looking for something to waste my money on, I wonder to myself if this is going to help me, because it’s obviously not going to stop or fix whatever is making me sad/angry and so is there any point to this exercise? But the buzz I get when I buy something nice that was completely unplanned (and almost always totally unnecessary) casts those doubts aside and I feel great for a few hours.

Apparently it’s a real problem too, though I don’t think I am quite as bad  as how they’re describing t on the Wikipedia page (though I am prepared to admit as an addict I may not be aware if the extent of my problem). I was never a spoiled kid so I never got a toy to shut me up during a  tantrum or to make me feel better because my parents weren’t there for me growing up. I do know my mum used retail therapy to cheer herself up, so my only guess is that I learned this from her from an early age and started applying it to myself when I was old enough to buy my own things.  I’m not blaming mum for it, after all there are many worse ways to cope with stress (ie. drinking, drugs, violence etc) but I really wish I knew how to defeat this!

Does anyone else suffer from Oniomania or do you now someone who does? Do you have ways to overcome your addiction to shopping or do you have ways to cope with it? I’d love to be able to go to a shopping center and walk past a sale rack and not hover around it for 20 minutes, trying to talk myself out of buying a dress that’s really cute and 50% of when I should be saving my money or am running horribly late.

I have so much to write about and so many photos to post but that will have to wait til I have the time to start writing about our adventures in full. So for now have a few of the highlights:

• We stayed in Shinjuku which is EPIC! It’s at least 10x the size of Brisbane City and is always busy. Or hotel was right by Kabukicho which is the red-light district, the safest/cleanest I’ve ever seen anywhere in the world.
• I shopped til I dropped (almost literally) including the shopping center 109 in Shibuya which had 8 levels of ladies fashion. It was amazing. I got my nails done there and they’re AMAZING! I can’t type very well now as a result but it’s worth it!
• Harajuku was amazing. Not quite what I expected but I loved it all the same. Awesome shops and fashion, tutu’s EVERYWHERE, more people than I have ever seen in my life, queues outside shops headed by security guards etc. Only a few cosplayers though, I was a teeny bit disappointed that it was all hype but I got some cool photos anyway.
• TOKYO DISNEYLAND! Oh man what a day! We spent ELEVEN hours there and I was unable to walk properly by the end of the day/night (still have a limp actually). It’s a lot like the original Disneyland in LA but more over-the-top and the merchandise is to DIE for! I bought so much, including 4 pairs of Minnie Mouse ears XD
• Everything is kawaii (cute). I saw roadworks barriers that were cute animal shapes for crying out loud. I bought so much kawaii stuff, even  am slightly sickened by it. Pink is very popular there too, almost everything has a pink version and often a range of pink options! I was in heaven, let me tell you!
• I saw multi-leveled porn shops, multi-leveled collectible toy shops, found a digital camera that takes photos in 3D, and witnessed maid cafes in Akihabara.
• We are the best food I’ve ever had in my life and all of it was so cheap! I can never go back to an Aussie sushi train again after experiencing the real deal in Japan!

I’ll write more in depth later on. Right now I need to sleep – I got a cold on the last day which has made me feel a little bit crap as well as my bung foot from excess walking (I know, pathetic huh). So here’s a pic of me in a tea cup at Tokyo Disneyland (check out my super-kawaii tiny top hat):

There is a meme-type thing going around the blogs of various Aussie girls right now which I found really inspiring and really quite lovely. I found it first at Definatalie.com. People are too obsessed with perfection, myself included. It’s not something I think I could probably ever change about myself, I’m 26 years old now and learning to love myself totally despite my flaws and consider myself wonderful as I am is not something that just happens and would require a tonne of work and a lot more confidence/motivation that I could ever posses.

That doesn’t mean I can’t still love myself as much as possible anyway, right? I am not at all perfect, I am a mixture of things that make me just about as imperfect as possible (many of which are a result of my own conscious choices) but in a way that’s what makes me perfect in my own special way! So, here are the things I love about myself:

• My face. I’m not going to be all modest and lame about it, I have a pretty face and I love it very much. I like the fact my face lights up when I smile and I can do sultry so, so easily. I have amazing eyes and my lips are the best shape. My skin is very clear these days which is a very big deal for me.
• My boobs. I’m probably one of the few girls out there who loves having 10DD boobs. I thought I was a 12C for years, and after getting properly fitted I am now such a sexy-sounding size and my boobs look twice their size just by changing bra sizes!
• My tattoos. This is why differentiates me from most people. Not just the fact I have tattoos, but the fact I am a pretty, girly-girl with lots of visible tattoos that mean a lot to me (while also looking totally cool). I get tattoos to decorate my skin, not to conform to a fashion trend of to be rebellious, they’re for me and me only!
• My style. I think my style kicks arse and I defy anyone to disagree. I love pink and black so much that I wear little else. By having an almost exclusively pink and black wardrobe, I am always colour-coordinated and always manage stand out in a crowd. I haven’t met a girl yet who doesn’t love the idea of being able to wear tutu’s almost every single day like I do!
• My height. Sometimes I feel like I’m too tall, but I always remind myself how I can always see bands at gigs, how I can always reach the top shelf, how I tower above everyone when wearing heels and how being really tall means I look slimmer than I actually am! Booyeah!
• I am very open-minded about everything. There’s nothing out there that could surprise or disgust me. I eat pretty much all foods, I listen to a HUGE range of music, I think same-sex marriage is tops, I couldn’t care less what your religion is (unless you get all up in my face about atheist, anyway), I condone drinking and recreational drug use and I love porn. If you’re a narrow-minded bigot then that’s your problem, keep away from me and I won’t bother you.
• I’m super nice! Sure I like to pretend I’m all tuff and moody and too-cool-for-school but anyone who knows me for more than 10 minutes knows I’m a bucket of sunshine and rainbow unicorn poop. It’s hard for me to dislike anyone, you have to be a total douchebag for me to not like you, and a total and utter cunt for me to hate you.

I could go on with this all day. It makes me wonder why I get down on myself. Sure I could stand to lose a few kilo’s and I do have a number of faults, but the things that make me a good person far outweigh any of the negative things I can come up with. Sometimes I need to remind myself of these excellent features of mine when feeling down in the dumps, because I am a neat sorta person, really!

I was a HUGE fan of Michael Jackson growing up and have always believed in him, no matter how unpopular my opinions might have been. He was an insanely talented man who did so many amazing things. Not just with music but also with being a humanitarian. I never, ever believed he was anything but a gentle soul who never got the chance to have a normal life. He was famous before he was even a teenager and it affected him for the rest of his life. A life that ended too soon. I hope he is at peace, finally, because he deserves it.

I am horrendously, painfully shy. Always have been and always will. People who know me find this very hard to believe because I can very loud and even “in your face” at times. But that’s only to the people I know really well and even then it’s only an occasional thing as I can still get an attack of the “shy’s” even with people I know really well. With people I don’t know too well (ie. most of my workmates) I find it really hard to initiate conversations and in many cases, even say hello in the mornings. As a result I get accused of being a rude, stuck-up bitch all the time, which hurts because I know I’m not stuck-up or a bitch at all, it’s just really, really hard to talk to people I don’t know very well. Luckily I’ve been able to explain this to the workmates who’ve questioned me about it so no one takes being snubbed by me to heart, but there are all those times where I meet new people that I know I come across as really rude when in reality I’m terrified at the prospect at having to talk to a stranger!

I try not to let this rule my life, as many shy people tend to do. Life is too short to tremble in fear whenever someone I don’t know starts talking to me. I also have to talk to strangers on the phone all the time, it’s part of my job, so I can’t let it consume me. I do find it hard to chit-chat to my clients though as most of my co-workers do, but it apparently makes me seem very efficient so I use this to my advantage. I also hate knowing I give a bad first impression to people when I meet them for the first time which isn’t at all a true reflection of the person I really am.

So what do I do to get over this crippling shyness? To be honest, I try to suck it up for the most part. I know it’s a problem and I accept it and try to get over it to the best of my ability. I’m constantly talking to myself, reminding myself that this person doesn’t know how shy I am and therefore I don’t want them getting the wrong impression, so I do all I can to blast past the fear of talking to a stranger and be as polite as possible. I also remind myself that I don’t have anything to fear from talking to strangers – most of them are good people and it’s not like they’re going to shoot me for saying the wrong thing. The only problem with this though is that I’m usually so busy trying to pep myself up that I end up not being able to think of anything to say and so I look kind of dumb. But hey, looking a bit dumb is better than coming across as a bitch, right?

There’s nothing anyone can do if they’re excessively shy, except to just try to overcome it as much as possible and fool people into thinking you’re the aloof, mysterious type (I work this to my advantage all the time, though many people still tend to think I’m just being a stuck-up cow which kind of sucks). If someone’s first impression of you is that you’re stuck-up, hope that you’ll meet again and can prove otherwise. I have won over a lot of people by seeming rude after the first meeting but then turning out to be really quite nice after an actual conversation. And if you give the wrong impression to someone you never meet again, no sense stressing about it, instead just hope they were one of the smart few who took it as being aloof and mysterious!

Well I say balls to that! I am a firm believer in the saying “Growing old is inevitable. Growing up is optional“. There should not be a certain age where people have to grow up and start acting like a well-balanced, respectable adult. Some people choose to do this early in life, some choose to do it when they’re in their mid-twenties, and others don’t seem to do it at all. And it’s all good! Personally I am the latter, I haven’t “grown up” yet and I don’t plan to any time soon. I mean, I have a job, I pay rent and  bills, I have responsibilities, I look out for others instead of being a selfish teenager all the time and so on. But I take great offense to this particular article implying that doing the things they listed should kick into gear by the time you’re 25 years old.

The fact is, there is no deadline for when you have to become boring.

Let’s look at this article in more detail, shell we? The first example is Remember to write thank-you notes. Unless we’re talking about a wedding, there is no need to write thank you letters. If you’re  a letter-writing sort of person then fair enough, go nuts and write as many as your hand will let you, but most people aren’t and most people don’t care. One friend stated that if he got a thank you note for giving someone a present, he’d probably throw it out without even reading it. He didn’t give the gift for puncy little thank you notes, and so doesn’t expect people to give any to him.

The next one is Do not invite yourself to stay with friends when you travel anymore. Well excuse me! The reasoning is because you should have a job and can therefore get a hotel room. Well maybe I spent all my savings on the damn plane ticket and the hostel beds I used while being in places where I don’t know people. Perhaps a free stay with a friend would allow me to see something I wouldn’t have been able to afford, had I stayed in some hotel. This leads on to the next point Do not expect friends to help you move anymore which is pretty much the same thing. Moving house is expensive, getting removalists to move all your stuff when you’re only moving to the next suburb just adds an extra expense that many people can’t really afford. If your friends are too busy to help you move, then ask some other friends (and maybe think about ditching those scumbag ones who won’t lend a hand).

This one just made me really angry: Do not share the crazy dream you had last night with anyone but your mental wellness professional. If I want to tell my mates about this twisted dream I had that they were in briefly, then I will. We all know dreams aren’t as interesting to other people as they are to you, but if you want to tell people about it, then go ahead. There’s nothing childish about sharing a dream where you and your friend won a million dollars and bought a marshmallow and puppy factory and married famous rockstars.

Do as invitations ask you. OK so you’d be a totally shit friend if you took five friends to a party when the invitaion said +1 only. But that time thing is bollocks. Unless you’re having a dinner party (which is usually a very boring and lame thing to do, in my opinion) then people should be able to turn up whenever they can. Most people tend to have informal parties at their homes or out at bars so it’s not a case of having to be there on time or else miss out. The way people are these days (check out my Case of the Flake People article) you can’t set a specific start time and expect people to adhere to it. Most people can’t and won’t, and so we all suck it up because only arsehole friends care if you turn up late to a party. Your turned up, after all!

Then we have Drinking until you throw up is no longer properly a point of pride. Now, most reasonable people over the age of 19 know it’s not totally awesome to go out four nights a week and drink enought to spew everywhere every single time. But dammit, if I have a massive night out that ends in hilarity/masisve embarrassment/vomiting into someone’s front garden then I am going to recount it to my friends and have a good old laugh about it. Now I’m 26, I’m not going to suddenly stop all my binge drinking completely and start drinking fancy wines in sensible amounts, or start drinking cognac and swishing my glass around so I can smell the aroma. Fuck that! I like my big nights out like the next average, well-balanced person, and by god I will gloat about my misadventures the next day if I want to!

Then there’s Have a real trash receptacle, real Kleenex, and, if you smoke, a real ashtray and get your speakers off the floor which are some of the most boring statements I’ve ever read in my life. I use toilet paper to blow my nose all the time? That makes me immature does it? What-the-fuck-ever! I will use whatever paper-like substance I want to blow my nose, and there’s not a dman thing anyone can say to make me feel like a kid for doing so!And by the way, my speakers ARE on the floor becaue they look good there and I don’t have a proper unit to store them in – if anyone has an issue with that, they can bite me and get out of my house.

I could go into great detail on every single point this girl made, but I’ve already made myself exceptionally angry just by looking at that stupid article the few times I needed to refer to it. My point is, acting a certain way at a certain age doesn’t make you a grown up. Using a hankie, being able to walk in heels, keeping dreams to myself, learning to change a tyre, buying shelves for my speakers and taking my earphone out when talking to shopkeepers does NOT make me an adult. Being my own person and loving myself despite my flaws and bad habits does. Friend are there for you no matter what, a good friend will help you move houses or put you up for a few nights if you ask them nicely. Adhering to these dumb “guidelines” will just end up making you a boring loser and will not win you any new friends.It will probably also cause you to lose you more interesting friends too.

My bestie just summed it up nicely when I asked what he thought I should add to this blog: “They can go and suck my dick”. Very well put.

***

Given my appalling couple of weeks, I figured it’d be nice to wrap up my week – just the nice stuff that happened and have stuck in my mind.

Spending lots of time with my mum and getting stuff done / Doing a lot of exercise and feeling like a million dollars afterwards / Changing my eating habits and losing a few kg’s as a result / Seeing real-life macaws and hundreds of wild kangaroos on a unexpected bus trip home / An unplanned day off work that did me wonders / Fantastic news after a lot of bad / A bunch of flowers greeting me at work / Finding money while cleaning and having an amazing meal and seeing a film for FREE as a result / Excessive tea consumption / Silver platforms / Delicious perfume on sale / Finding amazing false lashes and nail decals for CHEAP / New Livejournal layouts that suit me far too well / Magners Cider / Singing bad pop music as loud as I can at work (without getting into trouble) / Anticipating my first ever hypnotherapy session…

This week is going to be so much better. I have a few interesting things to look forward to, like my first ever hypnotherapy sessions. I’m getting it to help my food-obsession, but I’m mostly excited about the whole idea of it, a friend got it done recently and said the experience was unbelievable, plus it worked! I’m going to something called a “Leadership Breakfast” through work on Thursday morning which sounds a little bit fancy and totally delicious. My mum got her loan approved which means she can move into her new house and not stress so much! This was what caused at least 40% of my stress lately so it’s a HUGE relief for us both.

I hope everyone else is having a good week too :)