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Feminism

Why I Feminist the way I do

May 12, 2016
Cara Rage, Feminism, My Advice, My Life, Rants

femmo-allowedtobeangry

I haven’t ever really suffered from feminist fatigue before, but this week I definitely felt it. I actually love getting into online arguments with people about sexism, whether it’s convincing someone their way of thinking is harmful or just smashing misogynists with my witty insults (because proper debate with those kinds of turds just ain’t gonna happen). Sometimes I feel frustrated with all of the crap news I read about how shit the world is to women, whether it’s about another woman being killed by a man in Australia or a new statistic proving how broad the wage gap is or whatever… but usually my frustration feeds my passion to continue to help sort the world out.

But dang, when you have a bunch of arguments with people you actually know and who you think are on your side, it becomes a lot harder to turn that frustration into empowerment because it seems like everything you’ve tried to do has fallen on deaf ears or has made others resent you. I’ve recently been told I’m too aggressive, that I’m just a keyboard warrior who does nothing in the real world, that it’s pointless and besides we have it’s good enough now, don’t we? Not just by randoms, this came from family members and people I thought were friends. One person who was kind of a friend and an occasional client of mine had a big rant on facebook about how the new wave of feminism is about hating men, being too aggressive, turning people off and has actually pushed feminism back decades. I couldn’t help but feel like I was one of her targets in this post (maybe I wasn’t, but I’d be shocked if that were the case). So I told her I absolutely disagreed and that being calm and pandering to male ego’s by quietly explaining why feminism matters and how it benefits men too isn’t working any more and being loud, assertive and sometimes aggressive, is the new way forward. She was an arsehole about it, told me I was embarrassing myself so I deleted her as a friend and am quite OK without her in my life.

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But it still bummed me out. How many other friends think this way about me but just don’t say anything? Why do people react so badly to women standing up for themselves and yet don’t seem to mind the abuse women face every damn day, particularly online? How the hell are we meant to be polite and calm in the face of dudebro’s telling us that feminism is ruining the world, that we have the right to vote and own property now, what else do we need? That we literally exist for their pleasure and that it’d be better if we just shut up, spread our legs and make them dinner afterwards? That we provoked our own rapes for wearing the wrong outfit, for being out late at night, for enjoying a few drinks? That domestic violence is either deserved or affects men more or is just a myth perpetuated my angry lesbian feminists? Or just having everything undermined from some privileged manchild who loves playing devil’s advocate, insists you’re overreacting, that men experience the same thing or acts like your lived experience isn’t actually real because he’s never experienced it himself.

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Look, I know the sort of feminism I’m into can be confrontational to those who’ve not seen it before. I fully acknowledge and accept that it’s not for everyone. In fact I started off thinking kindly explaining it to people, being patient and kind in my discussions was the best course of action in my pursuit of women’s right. After all, you get more flies with honey than vinegar, right? But it’s been proven time and time again that this isn’t working for me. Being polite and considerate of men’s feelings can so often be taken as weakness. So one of these “discussions” would go on forever with me not making any progress and ol’ mate thinking he won because he out-debated me. And if ever I snapped and yelled at them my entire argument would be thrown out because I suddenly became irrational, too emotional and swore which GOD FORBID women ever do!

So now I start off angry when I encounter this misogynistic trolls. We live in an age where Google exists, the internet is literally everywhere around us. Men who ask pedantic questions about why feminism is still needed are being wilfully ignorant, they just want to piss you off with their ceaseless questioning, so that we’ll get bored or annoyed and give up. Men who deny such things about the epidemic of male violence against women, the wage gap, workplace sexism and harassment, cat calling, death/rape threats online and everything else that feminists are fighting against are purposely ignoring actual evidence from women and proven research (y’know, science) because acknowledging it means they have to admit world kinda sucks for women and they need to give up some of their privileges in order to help make things better. If anyone is able to argue with these kinds of people without getting angry and becoming aggressive and swearing, then you rock! Keep it up! This movement needs all different types of fighters involved and that absolutely includes those who keep calm and measured in their discussions. But that no longer works for me and I refuse to be silenced or feel shame because I am a loud, shouty woman who wants to rid the world of harmful sexism!

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I’ve been called a Social Justice Warrior times than I care to recall, and I love it. Damn straight I am! I will never, ever stop fighting against social injustices. Not just against women either. I am passionate about injustices against people of colour, LGBTI+ people, the poor, people with disabilities and the poor souls stuck in detention centres around Australia. I admit, a lot of my activism happens online, but that’s where I find myself a lot. If and when opportunities arise where my activism is needs out in the “real” world, well I’ll be there too! I will not stop being a passionate, angry person. It’s who I am and I know my message is being received by some people. Just this morning I got the most wonderful text from a friend who said she’d been listening to what I’ve been saying (both online and in face-to-face conversations) and confronted a man for being a rude pig to her while at work. If she didn’t know me, she probably would have just ignored him and felt awful about it later, but I helped her stand up for herself and give her a shot of confidence against entitled men who think they’re allowed to say whatever they like to women. It may be a small drop in the ocean in the grand scheme, but it meant the world to me and I know I’ve helped other people too. So no, I will not stop being the kind of feminist I am. It may not be for you, and that’s fine, but I don’t want to hear your opinions about it. If it pisses you off so much you’re free to stop engaging with me, to delete me off facebook, avoid spending time with me or whatever makes your life easier. But if you like/love me and want to be in my life, then you have to accept this part of me. And I’m not sorry about it.

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Kawaii Klaws gets exposure aka Douchebags ruin the internet yet again

January 29, 2016
Cara Rage, Feminism, In the News, My Life, Nails, Pissed Off, Uncategorized

Last week I was interviewed by ABC Brisbane for my nail business Kawaii Klaws. Apparently an ABC employee who is a regular at Ben’s bar saw me doing nail art at their Star Wars event which he thought was really cool so he suggested his colleague Jessica Hinchcliffe contact me to do a piece. She sent me a message and we arranged a time for her to have a chat with me and take some photos. I actually just assumed she was just scouting for possible stories but we did a proper interview and the next day I was on their website and even on the radio! I was obviously super stoked by it because it was a really nice piece and obviously I want to spread the nail art love in Brisbane!

A day later, Ben noticed that the article had been reposted by the national ABC Facebook page! It was one thing for the people of Brisbane to be aware of my work, but all of Australia? How cool is that? After some cheering, I then asked “so… what do they have to say in the comments?” which I know I should avoid at all costs but I was curious and have a pretty thick skin when it comes to people trying to be mean to me on the internet. I was expecting  couple of douchebags clogging up the comments section with useless drivel but I was almost impressed by how random some of it was!

Here are a few examples:



Like, what do you even say to some of these people? Oh I’m terribly sorry that every single article that the ABC posts on their Facebook page isn’t tailored to your interests? Just because you’re not interested in something, doesn’t mean it’s not newsworthy to others, dickhead! Also, how do you look at my ail art and say it’s crap? I’m not implying I’m the best out there (far from it) but I do some really good work! Don’t even get my on the Jamberry spam consultant either…


Brett Freeman made me laugh with his fury at fuel prices. I’m going to guess that he goes onto just about every news article he sees that isn’t about fuel prices and complain that they’re not focusing on the REAL issues, like how much it costs to fill a car with petrol! A few people replied to him, telling him that we’re all capable of thinking about more than one thing at a time (and that many of us DO car about how expensive petrol in Australia is) but he wouldn’t have a bar of it because clearly nails are just a DISTRACTION from the great fuel conspiracy! Haha ok mate!


But the real reason why I’m posting about these dingbats is because of this thread. While it wasn’t unexpected, seeing complete strangers discuss my looks was a real bummer. This article was about my nail art, and yet a bunch of men and even some women ignored all of that to talk about my boobs and whether or not my tattoos ruin my looks. Ol’ mate Christopher Marx even had something to say in another thread:


Whenever some dropkick says “we don’t need feminism” any more, I want to smear their face in comments like these. Why the fuck can’t women just exist without men feeling entitled to critique their looks and their fuckability? It was a piece about NAIL ART for crying out loud? What if I wasn’t conventionally attractive, would they have discussed how ugly I am, how undeserving of a new article I was? What if I was more conventionally beautiful, as in I had a natural hair colour and no tattoos, how gross could the comments have gotten then? Some friends jumped on with their feelings about these arseholes and eventually I decided to have a bit of a say:


There is no justification for anyone to discuss another persons looks, especially when their personal appearance is not relevant. My looks aren’t important when talking about nail art. I get that my “look” is interesting, so seeing people compliment my style was actually really nice because I do try to maintain a certain image that compliments my style of nail art. But there is no justification in pointing out how “buxom” I am or whether or not my tattoos look good because that’s not the point! In fact, even if this article was about tattoos, discussing whether or not you think mine are good is not the point! It’s personal preference, and I couldn’t give a shit if you think my zombie sleeve looks like a mass of blue or whatever, they’re on me and I love my tattoos so piss off with your nasty opinions!

When men (and women) do this sort of thing, they are perpetuating a culture of sexism where women are only valued for their looks, not what they do or their smarts or anything else. It turns women into objects which can be discussed as though they aren’t actual human beings with feelings or any other uses but to be looked at and maybe fucked, if they’re lucky. Sure, maybe they didn’t mean to offend, except you were offensive and rude so your intentions mean precisely nothing (though I’d argue that calling someone’s tattoos ugly actually did mean to be offensive, Ruby Moon). It may seem like a stretch to some, but this is why we live in a world where women are continually attacked and harmed by men because our worth is reduced down to our looks and not much else. The culture of toxic masculinity feels justified in treating women as mere objects, so that when we say no to them or try to leave them, we get beaten and/or killed because we’re just things to be possessed to these types of men.

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Now I’m thinking about it, the comments dismissing the post as being pointless and not newsworthy are actually pretty darn sexist too. It’s funny how the things that women like to do are deemed trivial, boring, useless etc. Yet I can think of a lot of hobbies that are traditionally enjoyed by men which I bet wouldn’t get as many (or any) dismissive comments if the ABC did a piece on them. I mean, a lot of the article was about how keen I was to get men on board with nail art because it’s not an inherently feminine thing to do and should be a way for anyone of any gender to express themselves! But nah mate, this is boring female shit, where’s the REAL news about 4x4ing, fishing, blowing stuff up and footy???

All in all I was delighted to have Kawaii Klaws featured on the ABC. I think I fared OK with the comments as the ABC facebook can be a seething cesspool of awful opinions and shouted nonsense. But then again I have a very thick skin because I love engaging with douchebags on the internet, so little of what they can say really hurts my feelings (oh I’m fat and ugly, yeah ok m8, whatever you reckon). Imagine if I never fought trolls online so I wasn’t used to mean comments from jerks with nothing better to do with their time except to harass women? That would be sad, scary and possibly make me want to avoid any future media coverage, which is totally unfair.

Next time you contemplate writing a comment on a facebook status or news article or blog post that discusses how a woman looks, STOP. Have a think about why you’re doing it and whether it has any relevance to the post at all. Are you missing the point of the post to compliment/insult her looks, her body type or her sense of style? How would you feel if someone ignored what you had to say to make commentary on your looks? As a general rule, it’s always safer to just keep those opinions to yourself. No one cares what you find attractive, if you like tattoos, if you think women look better with “meat on them” or not. It doesn’t matter if you’re a woman also, because you’re still perpetuating the same harm, which other men see and think “well a woman said it about her, so it must be true/ok!”.

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Femmo Bites: Fragile Masculinity

September 22, 2015
Cara Rage, disappointment tuesday, Feminism, femmo bites


Hi everyone! Today I am going to teach you about the meaning of the term “fragile masculinity”. It’s become quite a popular term lately, and I for one love it because it sums up so much sexist, unnecessarily gendered bullshit so succinctly.

But what does it mean? Well, basically the term is usually used when referencing products that have been labeled as “manly” or “for men” which really don’t need to be. Typically these products will have dark colours, bold text, larger sizing and imagery that supports that harmful notion that men must be hyper-masculine at all times. These products which can range from such ordinary items as tissues, body wash/loofahs, food and as above, lip balm are typically not gendered at all but there’s apparently money to be made from men who are so panicked by the thought of someone not thinking they’re a MANLY MAN at all time they need pretty much everything to look more masculine. I mean god forbid a man be caught applying classic Chapstick in public, I mean it’s mostly black but WOMEN use Chapstick and that’s embarrassing!

I find the idea of gendering food particularly hilarious. Like the time Donut King came up with the Bronut:

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What genius thought this up? Eating one donut at a time (especially those awful, wussy pink ones) is too feminine so how about two lumps of lard covered in sugar together to really re-assert your masculinity!

The problem is two-fold though, because they’re unnecessarily gendering products towards women too, and have been for a long time. Things that absolutely do not need to be male or female because they’re just things all humans use. Some of the things I have seen in real life are ear plugs, pens, shavers, lollies, tools, soft drinks, disposable shavers etc. The extra shit thing is, often these hyper-feminised products come with a higher price tag. Often the product that’s geared towards men is the default while the one in pink packaging with flowy fonts, floral prints and “for her” scrawled across the packaging is the more expensive alternative. It stinks. It’s some sort of ridiculous marketing plot to make more money that society was sucked into far too easily. God knows I’ve bought products that have been labeled as “for her” when I could have gotten virtually the same product for less money. Sometimes the lure of pink is too strong, I guess.

So what the heck can we do about it? I guess the most simple thing to do is to stop buying unnecessarily gendered products. Not just for you, for everyone. Is there a child in your life, be it your own or a friends or family members? Try to buy something gender neutral for their next birthday and help break the cycle before that little boy thinks he needs matte-lip balm or the little girl thinks it’s OK for shaver companies to charge and extra dollar for a product whose only actual difference is that it’s pink instead of blue. Need new body wash? Go for brands that aren’t affiliated with shitty corporations like Unilever (they own brands such as Dove and Axe/Lynx which both target women/men in really crappy ways), I highly recommend Original Source as their packaging isn’t targeted at any gender and its natural, vegan and smells divine. If you need to buy moisturiser or shampoo for a male, get him whatever is on special, not this crap. Basically, just be aware of how products are marketed to you and opt for the gender-neutral options where possible. It’s sometimes hard for me because I fucking LOVE the colour pink, but when it comes to saving a bit of money and smashing the bullshit, patriarchal notion of what women and men are meant to like, I suck it up!

And if you see some ridiculous product being marketed to men that uses matte black packaging, bold text and obnoxious things like guns or naked women as set dressing, please make sure to mock it mercilessly and discourage everyone you know from ever, ever buying it. Because that shit is seriously whack. #fragilemasculinity

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Femmo Bites: Why doesn’t anyone care about domestic violence?

September 10, 2015
Cara Rage, Feminism, In the News, My Advice

As someone who has been in an abusive relationship (it was verbally and emotionally abusive though I now realise it could have also become violent had I stayed) this hurts my heart so much. Leaving an abusive person is hard. They wear you down over time to make you feel inadequate and worthless and if they’re worried you might leave them, drop threats at what will happen if you do leave. In my case it was having deeply personal stuff revealed publicly and having no friends left after what he’d tell them all about me.

I can’t even imagine how much harder it would have been if there’d been threats of physical harm, or if we’d had kids together. I’m also lucky I had an excellent support network who got me out of there in a day, a mum who took me in without a single question or complaint and I had control of my money and belongings so I didn’t have to leave with nothing. Many women don’t have it like I did, they have no money and have to flee, with their children, with only minimal belongings. If they don’t have friends or family who can help them, they have to reply on crisis shelters which receive little support and are closing down all over Australia, so are probably over capacity already.

I don’t tend to talk about that part of my life because a) it fills me with burning, fiery rage b) life is great now and I don’t want to waste any more time on my ex and c) I’m fairly certain he still reads my blog and social media through dummy accounts and I don’t like giving him the satisfaction knowing I still think about him, even if it’s in a negative way. But I figure if someone reading this goes “hey, that’s why my partner does to me” and it gives them the courage to leave them or at least be more conscious of how they’re being treated, then I’m happy to put it out there.

Domestic violence should be one of the biggest issues in Australia right now, if not the whole world. But it’s left to being a sensationalised headline for a day or two and immediately forgotten about. That’s why the Destroy the Joint “Counting Dead Women” campaign is so important, because it’s easy to forget about these women when they’re only in the news briefly and no policy is made/changed to help other women from sharing similar fates.

So what do we do? I’m sorry to say, I don’t know. I don’t have a clue. Women keep shouting about how shit this is, but it seems to be falling on deaf ears. Or shitlord of a PM is Minister for Women and cares very little for women at all, so he’s as useless as tits on a bull. I see people all the time online claiming it’s not that bad or that it happens to men as much/more than women or suggesting women should just leave if their partner abuses them, like they’re fucking genius’ who somehow figured that out before anyone else did.

It fills me with such dread and sadness that I can’t think of anything to do. All I can suggest is to be vocal about it as much as you can. Call out bad behaviour that jokes about or approves of women being harmed in any capacity. Help any women in your life who might be in an abusive situation without judgement. Just please do not stay silent on this topic, whatever you do!

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Farts and Feminism

August 6, 2015
Body and Soul, Feminism, Rants

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This might seem like a bit of a bizarre topic but I am actually quite passionate about it to be honestI personally think farting and other bodily functions are feminist issues and like to discuss them regularly. Is it because I think farts are absolutely hilarious? That’s probably part of it, but there’s a lot more to it then that!

I’ve read a few great articles about this topic (there’s even been scientific research), which confirmed my suspicions that the way men can get away with public displays of bodily function vs how women are shamed out of it are really damn sexist. How many times have you heard a man say he’s never heard his girlfriend/wife fart? Or that women don’t fart at all? I’ve heard it a lot and I find it so absurd that some (many?) men actually think this? That we literally do not or cannot fart, or that at the very least we hide it because it’s gross and inappropriate when the gas is come out of a woman’s arsehole. Get a grip dudes!

I feel the same about peeing. Men love pissing in public. Need to wee, not gonna wait til I find an actual toilet in five minutes time, just going to piss behind this bin! But god forbid women ever do so in public. At least when we do we’ll find a space that’s away from the public eye. But even so, it’s somehow perceived as gross and tacky while you’ll see dozen of blokes pissing on shop walls when out on a Saturday night. Could they have gone in the bar or nightclub they were just in? Of course! But nope, might as well piss wherever because we can, I’m a guy, wooo! I hate it! I have a really bad bladder so I find myself worrying about where I can pee a lot. I have almost wet myself on the hunt for a toilet which is about the time where I say “fuck it, I need to wee right now or else have pissypants”. But how many guys wait til that absolute bursting point before the do a public wee? Probably not many! Surely a random pee patch on the pavement is pretty gross regardless of the person who did it? Of course it is.

Why is this? Why are men allowed to fart, burp, piss and cough up phlegm without much more then a dirty look while women are too terrified to do any of these, even in the privacy of her own home? It’s because women aren’t allowed to be too “human”. If we show too much “real” stuff like men do then we become less desirable and therefore less fuckable. So much importance is placed on being ladylike that we’re actually denied the right to let our bodies do what they need to do naturally. I mean, most women hate pooping in public toilets because we’re ashamed of the noises we make! That is so bizarre and unfair!

Personally I think well-timed farts and burps are one of the greatest comedic devices ever. I am thankful I grew up in a house where we could fart and burp, talk about poop and wee and all that stuff without being shamed because “eww women don’t do that”. A lot of families aren’t like this, they won’t discuss any of it, which is actually really fucking bad and can cause you harm! I do understand that some people just don’t like any of it, they find it gross whoever it comes from. That’s OK! Different strokes for different folks! But when a man roars with laughter at his own farts but is repulsed when a woman does the same, that is some sexist bullshit.

LADIES: Embrace your farts! Burp when you need to! Discuss your bowel and bladder movements with your friends! Use your bodily functions to your advantage and overthrow the patriarchy! There is no reason why men can make every gross sound or smell available to them without concern and women are expected to act like they’re robots who don’t expel anything, ever. Maybe you don’t think this is worth worrying about, that feminism has bigger things to worry about. But c’mon, if women are living their whole lives without ever farting in front of their partner for fear of disgusting them, if women are making themselves sick by being too ashamed to tell anyone about their issues with their own bodily functions, that’s a bloody huge issue that absolutely needs to be addressed. While we worry about every other shitty (heh) thing that affects women but not men because the patriarchy fucking sucks. Because yeah, we can care about many things at once and in my case, being able to fart is one of them!

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Why should I lose weight for my wedding anyway?

July 24, 2015
Body and Soul, Feminism, Wedding

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In case you missed it, Ben and I are getting married on Halloween this year. As far as weddings go, we didn’t leave ourselves much time to get organising, particularly since we skipped off to Japan for almost a month shortly after deciding we wanted a Halloween wedding! I’m better at planning stuff last-minute anyway, or so I like to keep telling myself.

Weddings, even unconventional ones like ours, are a big deal to plan. Honestly if we weren’t having a themed wedding with a very specific idea in mind, I’d be more than happy to just have a chilled out backyard wedding with minimal cost or planning needed! But obviously, because I am who I am, it’s gonna be a bit of an extravagant affair. We’ve only got just over three months til the big day and soooo much left to do, OMG the stress! But I reckon we’ll get it all sorted and it’ll be the best party ever.

There are a couple of things bugging me pretty badly though, one in particular I have been internalising but then read this awesome article by Lindy West about how perfect her wedding was despite being fat. It was a wonderful read and made me really think about my desire to shed some weight before my wedding. I am determined to tone up my upper body as I noticed some fatty bit when I tried my dress on. But why? Why am I so determined to change a part of my body that’s going to be incredibly difficult to target (seriously, how do you even target your fatty armpit/side boob area? Push ups?)  just so I can look back at my wedding photos years down the track and think “ahhh not having arm fat that day made the whole experience that little extra bit special”. I mean, I’m wearing a dress that has so much damn tulle that you could kick my shin and it’d take five minutes for you to connect with me, so losing weight on my lower half would be kind of pointless if I’m specifically trying to lose weight for the wedding.  So I’m literally worrying myself over a fine layer of fat on my back and around/on my arms which most people have unless they’re body builders or dramatically underweight.

I’m trying to make my wedding as pro-feminist as possible but I can’t help but still worry about the trivial, patriarchal bullshit that women are told they’re supposed to worry about. Ben couldn’t give a shit if I lost/gained some weight before we get married and yet I am worried about being a fat wife, of guests thinking “geez she could have at last toned up a bit” or seeing the photos and only being able to see my chubby arms and not how wonderful a day it was. What a goddamn waste! I’m ever so slowly getting to a point where my weight isn’t the source of most of my misery, but I still panic at the thought of not looking slim and”perfect” on my wedding day. I never even believed in weddings until recently!

Weddings are such silly, sexist, heteronormative things. There are so many silly, expensive things women are convinced they have to do to look “perfect” while the man just chucks a suit on, shaves and turns up on time. I am very excited about turning up and blowing everyone’s minds with my awesome dress, but I mostly just want to have an awesome time with my friends and family. Who actually gives a shit if I don’t lose 15kg anyway? Not anyone who’ll be attending my wedding, that’s for damn sure!

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What I Wore: Rainbows, unicorns and a tiny dog

June 26, 2015
Fashion and makeup, Feminism, My Life, What I Wore, Wonderful Weekend

Last weekend I spent the day doing wedding stuff with my mum, which called for a fun, bright outfit of course! I recently got some stockings from We Love Colors which are the perfect compliment to my kawaii outfits! My theme was pretty loose, I just wanted to wear my unicorn dress and lots of bright colours really, and this was the result. As you can see, Midwich was pretty excited to be included, haha.

  

Dress: Attack of the Unicorn Reversible Skater Dress from Black Milk Clothing
Stockings: Plus Sized Nylon/Lycra Tights in Lilac from We Love Colors
Vest: Neon yellow vest from Target
Shoes: Converse Low Tops from DFO
Necklace: Feminist pride necklace by Miss-a-Ree Guts Creations, choker from City Beach
Hair Bow: Ruby Kawaii, of course!

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Femmo Bites – There’s no such thing as misandry

June 19, 2015
Cara Rage, Feminism, femmo bites, In the News, Pissed Off, Random Thoughts, Rants

I wrote this post this morning on Facebook after being totally bummed out by the horrendous comments left on a post by a prominent Australian feminist writer who criticised the culture of shaming women for sending nude photos and not the men who violate the woman’s trust by sharing them with others:

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Guess who’s engaged?!

March 23, 2015
Feminism, My Life, Parties and Fun, Wedding

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Well I guess it’s time to spill the beans… Ben and I are engaged! It actually happened last Monday but we didn’t tell anyone except family and close friends as it was very much out of the blue and not exactly a traditional marriage proposal. But Ben was too dang excited about it and posted about it on facebook while at work last night and well, now the world knows!

So I’m not a traditional kinda girl at all, in fact I’ve never been that into marriage and have only come around to the idea of it since meeting Ben (not because he talked me into it, but it was the first time I felt like I actually wanted to marry someone). I was actually kind of steering towards a commitment ceremony instead of a wedding since I wasn’t going to be taking his name and mostly just wanted a cool party with my friends and family and to wear an awesome dress. But last Monday evening we somehow got on the topic of engagements and I told Ben that I didn’t believe in them and thought it was preposterous that women felt like they had to wait until their partner proposed to them when it’s something they really, dearly wanted. In some cases having to wait years and years! Nope, that’s not for me. Ben was a bit surprised, apparently I hadn’t really mentioned this to him before, just that I would say no if he ever did one of those big, public proposals. So he asked what I wanted to do about marriage then and I admitted I thought it made much better sense that we as a couple who both want to marry each other should discuss it together and just mutually decide on a wedding date and skip the engagement nonsense altogether! We kept discussing it and at the end of the conversation we agreed that it made perfect sense for us to get married on Halloween since it falls on a Saturday this year anyway (and admittedly I’d been entertaining the thought of a Halloween wedding since talking to a friend who’s having her wedding in October this year).

So that’s it! It’s not particularly romantic but it’s exactly how I wanted it. I love Ben to death and want to marry him and only him, but I am also a proud feminist and I wanted it to be done in a way that made me happy and not just the way it’s traditionally done which I find is often oppressive and/or redundant these days. The wedding will be Halloween/Haunted Mansion themed so it won’t be super kitsch Halloween, but a bit more classy and gothic horror (without going full goth because… nah, that’s not for me). There’s so much to plan but we’re also keen to make this a very chilled out affair and just a great big fun day for everyone who attends!

In case you haven’t been to any of the Disney parks, here’s a walk-through of the attraction which gives you a pretty good idea of the look we’ll be going for :D

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Super Quick Melbourne Trip

March 17, 2015
Feminism, Kawaii Klaws, My Life, Nails, Travel, Wonderful Weekend

Last weekend Ben and popped down to Melbourne very briefly, in fact we only had two days there! The main reason for our visit was because some friends of Ben’s were getting married, but I was also fortunate enough to coordinate a nail art gig for a feminist fundraiser event for the same weekend! It was my first ever interstate nail art event too so it was all very exciting.

We flew in early afternoon of the Saturday where we pretty much had to get ready for the wedding right away (well I did, Ben only took 10 minutes to get ready, the chump). It was held at Collingwood Children’s Farm which is a fully operational farm right in Melbourne City. Amazing! It was such a lovely venue for a wedding and I got to pat/stare at a bunch of animals :D


How good does Ben look in a suit? It’s the one he had made in Thailand last year and this was his first time wearing it! My dress is from Dangerfield and stockings by Black Milk Clothing.

The next day we took it easy die to some hangovers from partying hard at the reception, stuffed our faces with vegan fare at the Cornish Arms, went home for a nap and then headed to the Tote for my nail art event. A friend on Facebook approached me to do nails at her event because local nail artists wanted to charge a booking fee which she was unable to do as it was a fundraiser event, so I was delighted to offer my services. It was called Y LISTEN and was held on International Women’s Day and was raising money for YWCA Victoria. There were lots of bands and musicians playing, all female-dominated and it was a really cool night. I was shocked by just how stylish the women of Melbourne can be, Brisbane has a long way to go.

 

We flew out the next morning feeling somewhat worse for wear, but it was fun to have such a whirlwind trip to Melbourne and get back to our regular schedule again!

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