Beautiful? No, you’re just a cow.

On Tuesday night I read an article by Samantha Brick called “Why women hate me for being beautiful”. I actually found it after seeing VICE magazine has written a parody of it and I had to see what the fuss was about. I was curious based on the title, and thought it might prove insightful because I do think women can be rude and awful to other women out of jealousy. But then I started reading the article and couldn’t work out whether to laugh or fly into a furious rage. It took me about three attempts to finish the article because I’d get so bad tempered with it and had to look away.

I’m not even going to go into the fact she’s not nearly as beautiful as she proclaims to be. Beauty can be perceived in many differemt ways and I’m sure a lot of men, and probably women, find her extremely attractive (though I will admit I did wonder if it was all a joke after reading the first paragraph and seeing the first photo because neither really matched each other). Even if she had have been the most gorgeous women on Earth, if she looked like a beautiful combination of Megan Fox, Charlize Theron and Catherine Zeta Jones (all of whom i consider good examples of classic beauty), her article was the most self-deluded and condescending piece of rubbish I’ve ever wasted my time on.

Men apparently buy her things and fawn all over her for her “lovely smile”. Ok well you can’t hate her for that. I assume she’s just not very photogenic and actually does have a radiant smile, so her getting free things from admiring men isn’t so big a deal. But then she goes on to explain that women everywhere hate her for her stunning good looks, that she’s lost jobs over it, lost friends and made enemies, all because other women are so overwhelmed by jealousy and can’t bare the thought of their husbands meeting her because clearly she’ll knock them off their feet and they will leave them for her. Right.

She also wrote a follow up article detailing how terrible the 24 hours were since that article went live and how we’ve all basically proved her point that we’re all a bunch of jealous skanks who hate her for being too attractive. WTF? She does make a few good points, I’ll reluctantly admit. Women do act like jealous cows and hate on attractive women for no apparent reason. It’s a superficial thing though and almost always short-lived. I don’t know any woman who hates another female solely because she’s extremely attractive. Sure we might mutter “bloody bitch” when we see how amazing their figure is, how lovely their hair looks or how flawless their complexion is, but it’s a joke and it’s our weird way of paying a compliment to a woman who we perceive as very attractive.

Let’s face facts, love. Women do not hate you because you’re beautiful. They hate you for your abysmal personality. Women ARE daunted by beauty, but they’re able to get over it very quickly. I’ve met a lot of beautiful women and have noticed how men react to them within the first few minutes of meeting them and instantly felt threatened. But in most cases they prove themselves to be nice, down-to-earth and generally lovely women and that first pang of jealousy that deep down made me feel like there was some sort of good-looks contest going on, disappeared. If any of them were stuck-up or aloof with me, I’d get me back up and instantly dislike them, and it would take a little bit of coercion before I could change my opinion. Basically, if you’re up yourself or act better than me, I will not like you on first contact. You don’t even have to be beautiful, women tend to base their opinions of personalities and we’re actually more likely to feel threatened by an extremely self-confident woman than a beautiful one.

Which is Samantha’s problem, I guess. She has way too much self-confidence and absolutely no comprehension of what modesty is. i’m not saying women can’t acknowledge their good looks, but everyone prefers someone who’s humble in the good fortune than one who makes a big ol’ fuss about it. I would suggest it’s not her “good looks” that women dislike about her, it’s the fact she has a huge ego and projects her feelings that all women hate her for being attractive onto other women, and that’s what they sense and instantly dislike. Or maybe she has really terrible self-confidence and over compensates for it by being an obnoxious tart. After all, her previous articles about how her (revolting) husband will divorce her if she gets fat, how she blew all her money on an addiction to using psychics or how she’s flirted her way to the top of her profession, seem to convey someone who is insecure as hell. but maybe that’s just me, and I’m misinterpreting her shoddy journalism.

Like the old saying says, beauty is skin deep. There is absolutely no point primping and preening on the outside if you’re a horrible beast of a person on the inside. People, women especially, can see through your makeup and nice hairdo and see what kind of person you are and use that to decide if you’re truly beautiful. While we women can be a bitchy lot, for the most part we do not hate a person simply because of how they look, and use a lot of other factor to come to that conclusion. Sorry sam, but you’re an ugly moll on the inside and out and women don’t like you because you’re not worth liking. Soz!

A couple of amusing parodies that I’ve read (feel free to share any that you’ve found):

The Punch: My Unbearable Life as a Handsome man
Huffington Post: Who said it – Samantha Brick of Zoolander?
VICE: As always, a hilarious parody where they just reword the original article but make it 1000x more crass

Superb, Lovely und Terrific (or, what is a slut anyway?)

There is a march happening in Brisbane tomorrow called SlutWalk which is a protest rally the came into being in retaliation to a Canadian police officer who suggested women could avoid sexual assault by not dressing like a “slut”.

I had never heard of this event before until a work mate mentioned it to me today. Her friend is keen to take part in the rally and asked her to help support the cause, but my workmate was feeling conflicted about what she thought of the event. We had a great discussion about our thoughts on what SlutWalk stands for, and even had some male perspective thrown in from another work mate.

If you’ve never heard of it, it is essentially a rally for women who have had enough of the perception that a woman deserves to get raped because of the outfit she was wearing or the way she was acting. It is also claimed they take back the world “slut” so that the meaning becomes that of someone who enjoys sex, as opposed to the negative meaning it currently has.

I have to admit, I am very conflicted about this as well. As I have said in previous posts, a woman should be able to walk down the street completely naked without fear of being raped. And if a girl wants to wear a short skirt, dance suggestively and have a party pash while extremely intoxicated, she has ever right to do so without running the risk of EVER being raped. Men should be able to handle their desires for sex, they should be able to look at a girl in skimpy clothing and not want to rape her. But I am also a realist and feel that women who can’t handle their alcohol or give off a vulnerable vibe need to be more mindful of how they’re perceived in order to lower their chances of being attacked by the kinds of people who are out there with rape on their minds.

I also absolutely abhor the word “slut”. I think it is the most repulsive word. I find it far worse thasn the C-bomb because of what it means to most people and how it gets used. To me a slut is someone (male or female) who has frequent, unprotected sex without any regard for their own well-being, let alone that of their sexual partners. But that’s not how most people think of the word nor how they use it. It’s a word used specifically for women (if ever it gets used for men, it’s always male-slut) and is used for any female who happens to enjoy having casual sex. It doesn’t matter that she uses protection or even if knows the guy/s, the fact she’s having sex with men who aren’t her boyfriend more than once in a blue moon is something to look down upon and use a foul name to describe her character.

I don’t know how they expect to reclaim the world slut, because it was never “ours” to begin with. It’s not like the word faggot (another one of my most hated words) that actually means a bundle of sticks. Nor the word “cunt” which is a slang word for vagina and in my opinion, should not be considered the worst swear word, because there’s nothing wrong with vagina’s, thank you very much! The word “slut” has negative connotations and can never be reclaimed. It didn’t once mean something nice and innocent, it’s always meant the same awful thing. I’ve never heard the word used in anything but a hateful, demeaning and misogynistic way and I don’t want it reclaimed, if ever that were possible. If I had my way the word would be wiped from everyone’s memories and never used again.

I feel they are going about this the wrong way. As my male workmate said, rapists usually aren’t targeting women for what they’re wearing, they’re targeting the vulnerable. Why would they target a girl confident enough to wear a micro mini skirt when they could go for the meek girl who’s covered up but obviously wouldn’t put up much of a fight? This perception that women who wear “slutty” outfits or stumbles around drunkenly after a big night out and then get raped were “asking for it” is not the opinion of the rapists, but of the general public. Even in this modern day and age, many people still have the old-fashioned and sexist idea that a woman is asking for sex (consensual or not) when she wears certain clothing. These ideas are hideously old fashioned but they’re also deeply ingrained in many people, so having a march called SlutWalk isn’t going to make them say “Oh, they’re right, a woman should be able to wear what she wants and not get raped for it”. More than likely they think all of the participants are being hysterical feminists or that they’re just trying to justify their wicked ways with a protest.

I appreciate what the SlutWalk is setting out to achieve, and I hope I am wrong and it does raise awareness on the matter and converts some peoples way of thinking about women who enjoy sex and/or likes to wear skimpy clothing. But I really do think there’s a good chance they’re doing just as much harm as good by drawing attention to and essentially reinforcing the negative stereotypes of promiscuous women by calling it SlutWalk and then having half the participants dressing as “sluts”. If I didn’t have plans tomorrow, I’d go on the walk and see what it’s all about, in case I am missing something that would allow me to be more enthusiastic about the event. After all, anything that encourages feminism in younger generations is a good thing, and for that I am thankful for the SlutWalk phenomenon.

For now I will leave you with an comment left on an article on the Brisbane Times which sums up my feelings about the whole thing quite well:

This reminds me of bra burning, something that still defies a reasonable explanation. This action will do little to change the minds of arrogant men and disappoints others by it being a manic over-reaction.

I would like to know what you think on this issue, and if you’ve attended one of the SlutWalks. Am I being too sensitive because I hate the word “slut” so much? Or do you agree that this could be done in a different way with an even more positive outcome?

The One About Feminism

Pic source

I am not what most people would describe as a feminist. I enjoy being girly, I like to flaunt my magnificent boobs and I am constantly appalled that chivalry is dead. However, I do actually identify myself as a feminist. Oh don’t look at me like that, feminist is not a dirty word!

I am not a traditional sort of feminist by any means. I don’t go on rallies and I am not overly vocal about my beliefs, unless it involves a significant injustice against women, and I do not hate men. I do however believe very strongly in equal rights for females, something I do not believe we have yet achieved. That’s probably one of the reasons why I am a bit quiet about it, people take such offense to the idea of feminism, like women are lucky to be allowed the rights they have. The worst part is, a lot of women seem to agree with this way of thinking. I like to think they just don’t want to be labeled a feminist (like I said, people consider it to be a dirty word) but then again maybe a lot of women have the idea that they’re not quite as good as men deeply ingrained in them.

I only recently decided to start calling myself a feminist, in particular after reading a few blogs that were aimed at teenagers mostly, but I actually found a lot of the information on there really relevant to my feelings on the subject. I’ve always been the kind of person to get mad at anyone who claims (or even implies) women aren’t equal to men, and have had many heated arguments with people over sexist statements they’ve dared utter in my presence. But it wasn’t until reading some really good articles by these girls who identify as feminists who didn’t fall under the dreaded “feminazi” title that I actually decided to identify myself as a feminist. It’s a shame that I could never identify as one previously because I has this skewed idea of what feminism meant, and I’m sure it’s the same for most women. I think all women should be able to call themselves a  feminist, because there are different levels of belief in the cause (kind of like religion, some people are super devout while others believe without feeling the need to go to church).  All women should want to be equal to males in regards to human rights, work opportunities, sexuality etc.

One of the things that gets to me most is the difference in perception between males and females for doing the exact same thing. While I am naturally outraged by the idea of a male getting paid more for doing the same job as a female, just because of gender, it’s the smaller things that I feel don’t get voiced enough. An obvious example is the idea that a male can sleep with as many women as he wants and gets positive attention from other males while a female who does the same thing is no more than a “slut” (which is one of my most hated words, by the way). I hear guys often talk about how a promiscuous girl is a slut because she has one-night stands and has casual sex. When I interject and ask them how much casual sex they have, the fact they have a lot more than this poor girl doesn’t even matter. She sleeps around and that is disgusting and that is that. I’ve often asked how it differs between women and men, why can a man sleep with a hundred women and a woman sleep with say 20, and it be applauded for the male and found repulsive for the girl. There’s never a proper answer and usually comes down to the whole “women are not as superior as men” idea or the ridiculous belief that it’s dirtier for a woman to have had lots of penises in her than for a man to have stuck his dick in hundreds of vagina’s. And yet these guys will go buy a copy of FHM and ogle the featured girls (and possibly even fantasise about them)  and not even care that thousands of other men are doing the exact same thing. It’s bizarre.

And then there are things like how people think the worst of a girl who’s overweight and barely bat and eyelid over a guy who’s just as heavy. I’m sure the guy also gets his fare share of criticism for being large, but I find women get it much, much worse. The comments differ so much. “Wow that’s guy’s huge” vs “Check out that fat bitch”. It’s a weird one, but I do feel that fat girls are perceived far worse than fat guys. Then there’s the whole representation in the media, where almost everything can be sold with an attractive lady in the picture, regardless of the targeted demographic, bang a hot girl  in the ad and it’s gonna sell. Male-orientated advertising is going to be more sexual and in-your-face than advertising that’s aimed at women, but for the most part, it’s all about using a woman’s good looks and body to sell products and I think it’s sad. And my biggest gripe right now? The depiction of women who not only enjoy but actually get turned on by domestic violence. I have been noticing it in TV, film and even music videos lately and am shocked that it’s still tolerated. I also get riled by the women who suffer domestic violence, particularly against their famous boyfriends/husbands, and yet go back to them because it was “out of character”. I hope I do not have to explain how wrong, wrong, wrong this is.

I am not a man-hating lesbian as most feminists are perceived to be. I do not wear asexual clothing and hide my femininity because I feel I am exploiting myself for the benefit of men. I am a normal woman who loves makeup, dresses and the colour pink. I don’t demand or even want anything more than for women to have the same rights and respect as men get. I understand women have so much more available to them now than they ever did in the past, but I still feel women have a long way to go before a good level of equality is reached (I don’t excpect there will ever be such thing as total equality, not in my lifetime anyway). I just want people to accept the actions, desires and worthiness of women the same as they currently do for men.

There is so much more I could say on the subject, but I’d actually rather hear from other people about their ideas about feminism and whether you think there’s still gender inequality these days (namely in 1st world countries, as we all know gender inequality is rampant in many 3rd word nations). Tell me your thoughts, examples of gender inequality or whatever you’d like to contribute to the discussion.

Some interesting links:
Madonna syndrome: I should have ditched feminism for love, children and baking
Against the name Change: A Polemic
The F Bomb: Feminist Blog about Women’s Rights for Teenage Girls
The Sexual Behaviours of Women vs Men
Why modern feminism is illogical, unnecessary, and evil
What’s a Modern Girl to Do?
NOW VP To Sarah Palin and Conservative Women: Stop Being So Empowered, Darn It!

EDIT: Just wanted to clarify a few things. I am not attempting to justify myself by saying I am a girly girl who likes guys and wears makeup, as though trying to distance myself from the feminist stereotype. I am attempting to make a point that even though I do not conform to how people think a feminist ought to look or act, I am one and not ashamed to say so. I am aware the feminist stereotype exists for a reason, and so if you are offended by the fact I made a point of distancing myself from it, I apologise because that wasn’t my intention at all. I think all women of all walks of life should be able to call themself a feminist without thinking they’re going to be labled as something they’re not.
Also, I do not necessarily agree with the sentiments in some of those links, I just wanted to share a few that raised interesting points that helped prove what I was attempting to say. At least one of these is exactly the oppisite of how I feel but I wanted to show the “other side” of the debate.