I am horrendously, painfully shy. Always have been and always will. People who know me find this very hard to believe because I can very loud and even “in your face” at times. But that’s only to the people I know really well and even then it’s only an occasional thing as I can still get an attack of the “shy’s” even with people I know really well. With people I don’t know too well (ie. most of my workmates) I find it really hard to initiate conversations and in many cases, even say hello in the mornings. As a result I get accused of being a rude, stuck-up bitch all the time, which hurts because I know I’m not stuck-up or a bitch at all, it’s just really, really hard to talk to people I don’t know very well. Luckily I’ve been able to explain this to the workmates who’ve questioned me about it so no one takes being snubbed by me to heart, but there are all those times where I meet new people that I know I come across as really rude when in reality I’m terrified at the prospect at having to talk to a stranger!

I try not to let this rule my life, as many shy people tend to do. Life is too short to tremble in fear whenever someone I don’t know starts talking to me. I also have to talk to strangers on the phone all the time, it’s part of my job, so I can’t let it consume me. I do find it hard to chit-chat to my clients though as most of my co-workers do, but it apparently makes me seem very efficient so I use this to my advantage. I also hate knowing I give a bad first impression to people when I meet them for the first time which isn’t at all a true reflection of the person I really am.

So what do I do to get over this crippling shyness? To be honest, I try to suck it up for the most part. I know it’s a problem and I accept it and try to get over it to the best of my ability. I’m constantly talking to myself, reminding myself that this person doesn’t know how shy I am and therefore I don’t want them getting the wrong impression, so I do all I can to blast past the fear of talking to a stranger and be as polite as possible. I also remind myself that I don’t have anything to fear from talking to strangers – most of them are good people and it’s not like they’re going to shoot me for saying the wrong thing. The only problem with this though is that I’m usually so busy trying to pep myself up that I end up not being able to think of anything to say and so I look kind of dumb. But hey, looking a bit dumb is better than coming across as a bitch, right?

There’s nothing anyone can do if they’re excessively shy, except to just try to overcome it as much as possible and fool people into thinking you’re the aloof, mysterious type (I work this to my advantage all the time, though many people still tend to think I’m just being a stuck-up cow which kind of sucks). If someone’s first impression of you is that you’re stuck-up, hope that you’ll meet again and can prove otherwise. I have won over a lot of people by seeming rude after the first meeting but then turning out to be really quite nice after an actual conversation. And if you give the wrong impression to someone you never meet again, no sense stressing about it, instead just hope they were one of the smart few who took it as being aloof and mysterious!

There’s a party on tonight, hosted by a good friend who’s been going on and on about it for the last few weeks. It’s not for a couple of hours yet but you’re really don’t feel like going, maybe you’re feeling a bit sick or just lazy, but basically going is the last thing you really feel like doing. So what do you do? More than likely you probably make up some elaborate excuse so you don’t seem like a jerk who just couldn’t be arsed going, right?

I saw an article about this a while ago and it struck me as being something we all do all the time without any thought about its effects and how detrimental it’s being to ourselves as well as the people around us. Why is it that people just can’t be bothered turning up to the things they said they were really keen to go to. And why must we creat all these massive stories to excuse the fact we just decided to flake out. Whatever happened to honoring your RSVP or being honest when it comes down to why you’ve decide to be a no-show. And in some cases, why do we think it’s OK to say yes to something then not follow through with it, without a simple call or sms to give a heads up?

In my experience (as someone who gets people flaking out on me a fait bit, and as someone who’s done a fair bit of flaking out myself) there are a few reasons why we do these things. For example, say you’ve been invited somewhere, like a friends BBQ but you find you’re still in bed and couldn’t be bothered getting up to go. In most cases, instead of pushing ourselves to go, we’ll find the mobile phone and send a text saying you can’t make it for whatever reason pops into your head (some classic examples include taking someone to the airport, visiting someone in hospital, family issues, being called into work etc). Personally I believe we do this for two reasons; 1) because we don’t want to look like an arsehole who’s too lazy to bother coming to something your friend asked you to; 2) we don’t want to hurt their feelings by admitting we are arseholes who are too damn lazy to make the effort to go to something they’ve asked you to. As for those who don’t even text/call to give some warning, while it’s not a very cool thing to do, I find people do this because they usually don’t think anyone would notice they didn’t turn up so don’t see the point in highlighting the fact they won’t be there. You’d be surprised how untrue that is. If a friend has personally asked you to come along to something, they will notice if you don’t turn up. Just because it’s a huge, rocking party doesn’t mean you won’t be missed, because you will be!

These days, what with just just about everyone in the world being on Facebook or other similar social networking pages, we seem to be flaking out more so than ever. It’s so very easy to “accept” an invitation when all that you have to do is click “yes” or “maybe” without really thinking about whether or not you’re going to be able to go at all. I’m constantly being spammed with event invites, and although most of them are from people I don’t even know or for events I don’t know a thing about, I always consider each one carefully so that whatever option I click I know I have been honest with my response. I know it seems kind of silly when it’s just a Facebook invite, but if you ever want to stop being a flake, it’s something you should start working on so that you can fix the problem in all aspects of your life. If you know you can’t make it to that CD launch, club night, 21st party or whatever, then say “no” and comment to say why! If you’re hovering between “yes” and “maybe” then make the decision right then and there: either you make a concerted effort to turn up or you say no. I think it’s better to say no and then randomly turn up anyway, than say yes or maybe and not turn up and be a flake.

So, in conclusion, try to be more honest with these decisions (and you know, everything in life). If you do decide to flake out, be honest and don’t come up with crazy/cliche excuses. No “visiting an obscure relitive in the hospital” or “I got called into work”, be honest and tell them you’re not up for it and apologise. Offering to make it up to them is also a nice addition (so long as you’re willing to do so, that is). By constantly flaking out, you’re going to end up being “that” person who never turns up to anything even after RSVPing yes. We all have at least one of those people for friends, so why would you want to become that person too?! If you say yes to an invite, then make a damn good effort to honour your word and go. So what if you were invited to three parties on the same night? If possible, go to all three. That way you’ve honoured your word and you’ve also given yourself a range of options instead of going to the one party and finding out it was a dud.