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Body and Soul

Farts and Feminism

August 6, 2015
Body and Soul, Feminism, Rants

fart01

This might seem like a bit of a bizarre topic but I am actually quite passionate about it to be honestI personally think farting and other bodily functions are feminist issues and like to discuss them regularly. Is it because I think farts are absolutely hilarious? That’s probably part of it, but there’s a lot more to it then that!

I’ve read a few great articles about this topic (there’s even been scientific research), which confirmed my suspicions that the way men can get away with public displays of bodily function vs how women are shamed out of it are really damn sexist. How many times have you heard a man say he’s never heard his girlfriend/wife fart? Or that women don’t fart at all? I’ve heard it a lot and I find it so absurd that some (many?) men actually think this? That we literally do not or cannot fart, or that at the very least we hide it because it’s gross and inappropriate when the gas is come out of a woman’s arsehole. Get a grip dudes!

I feel the same about peeing. Men love pissing in public. Need to wee, not gonna wait til I find an actual toilet in five minutes time, just going to piss behind this bin! But god forbid women ever do so in public. At least when we do we’ll find a space that’s away from the public eye. But even so, it’s somehow perceived as gross and tacky while you’ll see dozen of blokes pissing on shop walls when out on a Saturday night. Could they have gone in the bar or nightclub they were just in? Of course! But nope, might as well piss wherever because we can, I’m a guy, wooo! I hate it! I have a really bad bladder so I find myself worrying about where I can pee a lot. I have almost wet myself on the hunt for a toilet which is about the time where I say “fuck it, I need to wee right now or else have pissypants”. But how many guys wait til that absolute bursting point before the do a public wee? Probably not many! Surely a random pee patch on the pavement is pretty gross regardless of the person who did it? Of course it is.

Why is this? Why are men allowed to fart, burp, piss and cough up phlegm without much more then a dirty look while women are too terrified to do any of these, even in the privacy of her own home? It’s because women aren’t allowed to be too “human”. If we show too much “real” stuff like men do then we become less desirable and therefore less fuckable. So much importance is placed on being ladylike that we’re actually denied the right to let our bodies do what they need to do naturally. I mean, most women hate pooping in public toilets because we’re ashamed of the noises we make! That is so bizarre and unfair!

Personally I think well-timed farts and burps are one of the greatest comedic devices ever. I am thankful I grew up in a house where we could fart and burp, talk about poop and wee and all that stuff without being shamed because “eww women don’t do that”. A lot of families aren’t like this, they won’t discuss any of it, which is actually really fucking bad and can cause you harm! I do understand that some people just don’t like any of it, they find it gross whoever it comes from. That’s OK! Different strokes for different folks! But when a man roars with laughter at his own farts but is repulsed when a woman does the same, that is some sexist bullshit.

LADIES: Embrace your farts! Burp when you need to! Discuss your bowel and bladder movements with your friends! Use your bodily functions to your advantage and overthrow the patriarchy! There is no reason why men can make every gross sound or smell available to them without concern and women are expected to act like they’re robots who don’t expel anything, ever. Maybe you don’t think this is worth worrying about, that feminism has bigger things to worry about. But c’mon, if women are living their whole lives without ever farting in front of their partner for fear of disgusting them, if women are making themselves sick by being too ashamed to tell anyone about their issues with their own bodily functions, that’s a bloody huge issue that absolutely needs to be addressed. While we worry about every other shitty (heh) thing that affects women but not men because the patriarchy fucking sucks. Because yeah, we can care about many things at once and in my case, being able to fart is one of them!

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Why should I lose weight for my wedding anyway?

July 24, 2015
Body and Soul, Feminism, Wedding

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In case you missed it, Ben and I are getting married on Halloween this year. As far as weddings go, we didn’t leave ourselves much time to get organising, particularly since we skipped off to Japan for almost a month shortly after deciding we wanted a Halloween wedding! I’m better at planning stuff last-minute anyway, or so I like to keep telling myself.

Weddings, even unconventional ones like ours, are a big deal to plan. Honestly if we weren’t having a themed wedding with a very specific idea in mind, I’d be more than happy to just have a chilled out backyard wedding with minimal cost or planning needed! But obviously, because I am who I am, it’s gonna be a bit of an extravagant affair. We’ve only got just over three months til the big day and soooo much left to do, OMG the stress! But I reckon we’ll get it all sorted and it’ll be the best party ever.

There are a couple of things bugging me pretty badly though, one in particular I have been internalising but then read this awesome article by Lindy West about how perfect her wedding was despite being fat. It was a wonderful read and made me really think about my desire to shed some weight before my wedding. I am determined to tone up my upper body as I noticed some fatty bit when I tried my dress on. But why? Why am I so determined to change a part of my body that’s going to be incredibly difficult to target (seriously, how do you even target your fatty armpit/side boob area? Push ups?)  just so I can look back at my wedding photos years down the track and think “ahhh not having arm fat that day made the whole experience that little extra bit special”. I mean, I’m wearing a dress that has so much damn tulle that you could kick my shin and it’d take five minutes for you to connect with me, so losing weight on my lower half would be kind of pointless if I’m specifically trying to lose weight for the wedding.  So I’m literally worrying myself over a fine layer of fat on my back and around/on my arms which most people have unless they’re body builders or dramatically underweight.

I’m trying to make my wedding as pro-feminist as possible but I can’t help but still worry about the trivial, patriarchal bullshit that women are told they’re supposed to worry about. Ben couldn’t give a shit if I lost/gained some weight before we get married and yet I am worried about being a fat wife, of guests thinking “geez she could have at last toned up a bit” or seeing the photos and only being able to see my chubby arms and not how wonderful a day it was. What a goddamn waste! I’m ever so slowly getting to a point where my weight isn’t the source of most of my misery, but I still panic at the thought of not looking slim and”perfect” on my wedding day. I never even believed in weddings until recently!

Weddings are such silly, sexist, heteronormative things. There are so many silly, expensive things women are convinced they have to do to look “perfect” while the man just chucks a suit on, shaves and turns up on time. I am very excited about turning up and blowing everyone’s minds with my awesome dress, but I mostly just want to have an awesome time with my friends and family. Who actually gives a shit if I don’t lose 15kg anyway? Not anyone who’ll be attending my wedding, that’s for damn sure!

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What I Wore: Kawaii Forever!

June 2, 2015
Body and Soul, Fashion and makeup, My Life, Parties and Fun, What I Wore


While in Japan I had a sort of epiphany about myself and the way I express myself with my clothing. I like dressing up in cute, matching outfits but I tend to only find myself going the extra mile for special events while keeping it pretty simple (to the point of being kinda boring) on work days and even on weekend when I haven’t got anything special on. After a lot of thought, I have decided that it’s about time I start dressing more “me” now I’m back in Brisbane. The days I dressed up extra kawaii while in Japan, with everything matching and being noticeable from three blocks away was awesome, I absolutely loved it and it just felt right. I want to add more kawaii to my daily outfits beyond just wearing a matching hairbow. I want to ramp it up, try out decora fashion, buy more kids accessories to wear, experiment with makeup and just generally add more colour and accessories to my life. It’s not about trying to attract attention (though I accept it’s inevitable) but about expressing myself with the things I love to wear.

I know some people will judge, thinking I’m too old or too fat for such fashions, but I simply do not care for those sorts of opinions any more. I want to be true to myself and have fun with fashion! This means I need to start planning outfits in advance instead of panicking in the morning and throwing on whatever is easiest to grab, which is the case most morning before work. I’m pretty lucky that my work is pretty cool about my fashion choices so I might as well embrace it! I also need to invest in some coloured stockings to go with my outfits as the regular ol’ black leggings/stockings under 99% of my dresses just ain’t good enough any more. I’m going to get some of the solid colour tights and footless tights from We Love Color, if you know of any other companies that make awesome coloured stockings in decent sizes (none of this “one size” crap) or have tried We Love Color stuff before, please let me know!

So anyway, this is what I wore on Saturday to a friends birthday party with my new plan in mind. The black stockings really didn’t go but I wanted to cover my legs a bit as it’s starting to cool down here (hence my need for pretty new stockings). I didn’t even go full-kawaii as I was running late but after some initial nerves, for god knows what reason, I felt pretty good!

 
Skirt: Little Lovers Cheerleader Skirt from Black Milk Clothing
Top: Basic tee from H&M
Jacket: Recycled and dyed LA Gear denim jacket from WC in Harajuku
Stockings: Sporty Stripes Hosiery from Black Milk Clothing
Shoes: Neon Pink Leopard Vans from Platypus Shoes
Accessories: Heart choker from Romantic Standard in Harajuku, hairbow and necklace by Ruby Kawaii

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Happy New Year! It’s 2015!

January 7, 2015
Body and Soul, Life, My Life, Nails, Parties and Fun, Random Thoughts

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Can you believe it’s 2015 already? Not to sound like an old fart, but holy moly, where is time going? I remember new years eve 1999 so vividly, I’d finished high school and had just turned 18 and spent it with a couple of my best mates and our families at Southbank. Ahhh such innocent times when I had no interest in drinking and wore handmade “Go Millennium Big” shirts.

This new years was a pretty cruisy one. Normally we make specific plans but we didn’t this year and decided kind of last minute to go to one of our favourite bars for the night. Beforehand we were invited to a friends picnic on the river to watch the sunset which was absolutely magical, until the mosquitoes came out in force!

2014 was a pretty interesting year for me. I was still coming down from the high leftover from our US trip, something that took months to subside. I was feeling incredibly unsatisfiedwith my work life, I knew I couldn’t keep working for “the man” and office works was bringing me down more than ever. After much thought and after a particularly bad refill at a cheap nail salon, I decided to bite the bullet and get a Certificate in Nail Technology. I get pretty nervous over big life decisions and so I was scared as hell about this one, but the course made me very excited about the prospect of a career change and by the end of it I knew this was what I needed to do! I set up a nail salon at home and have gotten to a point where I’m getting pretty darn good at it, especially the nail art! We also got a new dog, the sweetheart known as Midwich who has enriched our lives greatly. Shiro has changed a lot since we got her, for the better. He’s more affectionate than ever and luckily they both get along really well. We also went to Thailand for a week! I never planned to go there as I have a bunch of other countries on my to-visit list, so it was fun to have an excuse to go and see a very different part of the world! I celebrated Halloween for all of October with my 31 Days of Halloween challenge on instagram which was a LOT of fun! And I become a better feminist, learning about intersectional feminism and all that goes with it.

Not everything was hunky dory though. A week into my nail course I fell down a step on the way to work and fractured my ankle. It took months to get better and even now still hurts on occasion. Fortunately I didn’t need to get surgery though! The bit that is the most annoying though is how it stopped me from being able to exercise, I was already a bit slack on that front (but I still went to gym a few times a week), and once the routine has broken, it’s so damn hard to get back into it! So I’m pretty much at my biggest and am not too happy about it. As I’ve posted on here before, I struggle with my own body-image so it was something I worried about a lot in 2014 and was a little bit powerless (and perhaps more than a tad unmotivated) to do much about it.

My plans for 2015 so far are as follows:

  • Do nails full time! I am very likely to be doing this in the next couple of months thanks to an opportunity with a fantastic company who’s expanding to Brisbane soon. I’d like to open my own salon but that’ll probably be more for 2016.
  • Lose weight, get fit. It’s a cliche but I was too busy in 2014 to focus on this so it’s time to change things for 2015! I miss my fit, healthy body which, in retrospect, was actually bangin’. If only I’d realised this back then!
  • Sort myself out blog-wise. I know I will never get back into posting like I used to, and I’ll admit I’ve considered packing it in a couple of times lately. But I don’t want to quit and I feel like I should be able to post more often if I just committed to it. I also want to start vlogging again. I love both of these things and it’s a shame I’ve slacked off so badly in the last couple of years.
  • Travel! We’re actually going to Japan in May but I want to get myself sorted so that we can afford to travel more often, both overseas and domestically. We’ll hopefully visit a few other cities within Australia this year, including ones we’ve not been to like Perth!
  • Be a better friend. I am such a slack friend! I need to fix this! I have no excuses except general laziness, and it’s gotta stop before I have no friends left at all :( Going out of my way to plan stuff with mates, invite people over or just meet up with them for coffee or a beer is on the agenda for 2015.

I am excited about this year, I reckon it’s going to be a BIG one full of adventures and positive life changes :D

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Why Anaconda doesn’t body-shame nor is anti-feminist

August 28, 2014
Body and Soul, Cara Rage, Feminism, In the News, Music Love, Rants

Nicki-Minaj-Anaconda

Unless you’ve been living under a big ol’ rock, you’ve probably heard some of the fuss about Nicki Minaj’s new song ‘Anaconda’. If not, a brief summary is that people don’t like it, they think it body-shames (specifically, skinny women) and that it’s anti-feminist. Which is a direct rebuttal to the people saying that the film clip can actually be considered empowering and doesn’t skinny-shame at all. I would like to say right now that I fall into the latter category completely. I’ve never been that big a fan of Nicki, I mean I love her image to death but her songs just aren’t quite my thing, which sucks because I am ALL about supporting black, female rappers in a misogynistic industry like the rap music scene. Before I get into why I like this particular song, I urge you to watch the clip now, even if you have already seen it, as I will reference it a couple of times:

OK so one of the first things people point out about this song is her use of “skinny bitches”. I’ll admit when I first listened to it I thought “great, skinny shaming! This is no better than Meghan Trainor’s damn song”. For reference, Meghan’s song “All About That Bass” has been a bone of contention to a lot of feminists because it’s packaged as a body-positivity song but is full of skinny-shaming (I will discuss this further later on). It’s a widely held belief in feminist circles that body-positivity shouldn’t come at the detriment of one body type over another. But otherwise I loved the song and was totally mesmerised by the film clip. I’m a member of an excellent feminist group on Facebook where we have discussed this video/song at length and it was through there that I started to question if Nicki was skinny-shaming at all, so I decided to do some research and see what other people have written about it.

I quickly found two distinct opinions, that Nicki’s brand capitalizes on racial stereotypes while reinforcing notions of Black female hypersexuality that are long established racist trope or that we live in a world where black women’s bodies are meant for our consumption but only on the terms which everyone who isn’t a black women gets to dictate (both of these articles relate to the cover for this single which was release a couple of weeks before the clip came out, just to clarify).  The more I thought about it, the harder I found it to be mad about Nicki’s supposed skinny-shaming and I was starting to lean more towards the opinion that she is reclaiming the sexy black woman image from people who either fetishise or demonise it but rarely respect it. Aside from the “fuck skinny bitches” lines, everything was so great about the song and the video, the way she featured no men except for the end when she gives a lap dance to Drake who is merely there as a prop for Nicki to dance upon and is denied any real pleasure from the experience (as soon as he tries to touch her she’s outta there), the symbolism of her chopping up the banana etc. 

As I kept researching I came across more articles that were pro-Nicki and so I not only started to side with them but started to vehemently agree with them. One article I loved in particular drew a comparison between Beyoncé who people are so readily to accept as being feminist (even before she “came out” as a feminist) and yet discount Nicki as being over-sexualised and anti-feminist. This is despite the fact Beyoncé has released some really problematic stuff in the past, but hey, she’s deemed classier so it’s easier to accept her brand of moderate and respectable feminism.

nicki-minaj-and-drake

So what about the “skinny bitches” line. Could I ignore it when I’d had a few rants about skinny-shaming in Meghan Trainor’s song. No, but I was suddenly able to justify it. See, Nicki has reclaimed the word “bitch” to be an empowering word for woman, the female equivalent of men being called “boss”. With that in mind, when you hear the lyric “skinny bitches” it’s suddenly not a case of her saying “you’re a bitch because you’re skinny” but her just saying “skinny women” because remember, she also refers to herself as a fat-assed bitch. Yes, she does say “fuck the skinny bitches” which sounds pretty abrasive and mean at first, but after a closer look it’s really just her telling the skinny women to move it because her and her fat-assed friends are coming in to take over the club. I now interpret “skinny bitches” to refer to the skinny, mostly-white women like Miley Cyrus who’ve been trying to appropriate twerking from black women, telling them all to get out of the way because the women who twerked first and twerk best are here and they ain’t impressed.

So back to why ‘Anaconda’ is a more empowering song than Trainor’s. First off, “All About That Bass” is presented as a feel-good body-positive song, which is all lovely and fun until she actively shames a skinny woman by presenting one as “less attractive” and unable to dance in the clip. Meghan is also a thin-waisted curvy girl (therefore an acceptable kind of “fat” that is still considered attractive and desirable) who wrote a song about how bigger girls are better than skinny girls because as her mum says “boys like a little more booty to hold at night”.  It’s just taking all the crap that fat women usually get and redirecting it at skinny women, which isn’t body positivity at all and is just plain ol’ skinny-shaming. But people don’t see that, they see a cute white girl in a cute music video being soooo cute and suddenly she’s the voice for all bigger women everywhere.

On the other hand, Minaj doesn’t have any such pretense. She’s doing what she usually does – the fuck you all type swagger that that you find in a lot of hip hop. At no point does she make the claim that she’s trying to make girls all feel good about themselves, her song is solely about her feeling good about her sexual prowess and how she much she loves her own big, fat ass. There’s a line that says “Say he don’t like em boney, he want something he can grab” which some might consider the same as Meghan’s booty line but the difference between them is that this is something a man has told her he specifically likes, whereas Meghan was told that to make her feel better about feeling fat/unattractive.

Nicki-Minaj-Anaconda2

I guess it can all be interpreted differently depending on your own personal experience. Overall I find the idea of skinny-shaming to be a step backwards when it comes to body-positivity, but at the same time I’m not that upset by it. Yes some slim women find it offensive, and I agree that it kinda sucks. But skinny-shaming is in no way comparable to fat-shaming. Thin people, women especially, have this thing called thin privilege, where they can see thin people like themselves represented in an appealing manner in all forms of media, they can walk down the street in a pair of shorts and not have people sneering at them or calling them names, they don’t have people concern-trolling them about their health or how they’re a burden on the health system or how they’re undesirable. So when people get up in arms about skinny-shaming and how it’s as bad as fat-shaming, I feel sad because it’s not true and it’s hurtful to try and align two types of shaming that at face-value might seem similar, but in reality one is oppressive while the other is just about some temporarily hurt feelings. Oh and just a note; if your immediate response to the concept of thin privilege is to dismiss it is being untrue or ridiculous, perhaps you need reminding of the phrase “check your privilege” because the thing about privilege is that you don’t know you have it until it’s pointed out to you.

In the end, these are all my own interpretations based on my own observances and the articles I’ve read online. I have never been skinny-shamed in my life because I am not skinny, but I also haven’t experienced much fat-shaming as I’m kind of in-between. I’ve seen both though, and I gotta say, fat-shaming is a lot more common and hurtful than any of the skinny-shaming I’ve ever witnessed, which seems to mostly stem from jealousy instead of outright disgust. ‘Anaconda’ has a lyric that can easily be perceived as hurtful, but that is not necessarily how it’s intended. This is a song about having a fabulous, big ass and being proud of it. Nicki uses her sexuality to express this in a way that empowers her. Maybe it doesn’t empower you, that’s OK, but you can’t tell everyone else that they’re not allowed to feel empowered by it. I’m happy for women to be empowered by ‘All About That Bass’ too, I won’t deny it’s too problematic for me to really enjoy but I understand why others feel differently than me.

Anyway that’s my feminist fat vs thin rant for now! Back to your irregularly scheduled program of intermittent fashion and geeky posts by yours truly ;)

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LISTEN UP: Your weight does not define you

July 4, 2013
Body and Soul, Cara Rage, Feminism, I love Links, Life, My Advice, Pissed Off, Rants

weight

Yesterday I read this article which made me cry. Why? Because I could have so easily written it myself. I have spent much of my life worrying about my weight and I know this began early on by my mum who has a terrible perception of her own body image which she unintentionally projected onto me. Growing up mum was quite overweight and it was a major struggle for her to overcome the emotional issues that made her that way and then eventually lose weight. She lost over 40kg through Weight Watchers and was a lecturer for them for a number of years. Then some bad stuff happened, like my parents splitting up and her having a near-fatal accident while we were holidaying in Paris, that made things hard (and almost impossible for her to exercise) so she eventually put the weight back on. So now she’s back to being overweight and is desperately unhappy about it, and it breaks my heart.

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My family and I in about 2001, my mum was at the peak of her weight loss here

She would always look at thin women and say “I’d kill to have a figure like that” which I also do myself now. She also used to comment on my figure when I gained weight after going through puberty, say that I had such a pretty face before reminding me that I needed to lose a few kilos, or encourage me to go on diets with her or comment that I shouldn’t wear certain clothes as they weren’t flattering. I remember my family went on a trip to Cairns when I was in my late teens and I spent so many nights crying by myself because everyone would comment on how gorgeous my younger sister was who has always been slim, while effectively ignoring me or worrying about my weight even though I wasn’t anywhere close to being overweight.

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During the trip to Cairns where I was  made to feel fat and daggy for not being as slim or fashionable as my younger sister

I tended to go through phases where I was comfortable with myself as I was to being horrified at how fat I’d let myself become. I’d go on diets or just live life without a care in the world. I got pretty chubby while I was living in England and I really didn’t care that much at all, making the occasional token effort to eat better but generally not giving a damn. I can’t explain why I was so OK with myself as I was, perhaps it was because I was surrounded by awesome people who didn’t go on about their figures constantly or bring others down by making nasty comments, or perhaps it was because I had absolutely no trouble picking up guys. Whatever it was, I was happy, confident and didn’t feel pressured to be a skinny minnie.

But then I came back to Australia and everything changed. I met a guy who told me constantly for the next six years that I was fat, that I’d be “so hot” or “unstoppable” if I was skinny, that he was ashamed to be seen with me because of my weight, accused me of lying about going to the gym/eating healthy because it didn’t show and so on. I endured that for six years until I had no self esteem left. I only had a smidge of confidence that I had a pretty face because that’s aabout the only compliment I ever got and even then I rarely heard that because of all of the hurtful and destructive criticism he would yell at me. Imagine being told that your boyfriend didn’t want to have sex with you because you’d put on a few kilograms? That he’d start showing you off in public if only you’d lose more weight. Getting told to stop getting tattoos because they didn’t suit a girl my size. Yep, pretty nasty stuff.

I had lost about 8kg here and was told by my ex that I was finally hot enough for him to be proud to be my boyfriend. I gained the weight back as soon as I stopped the diet I was on, as I was pretty much starving myself

While it was clear my ex was an abusive jerk who didn’t deserve a second of my time (let alone six years), his words had a huge impact on me and it’s been a long, hard road to try and get over them. I have a new, wonderful and loving partner who showers me with compliments constantly, who thinks I have the body of a bombshell goddess and even if I did gain a bunch of weight, would still love me until the end of time. And yet I worry almost everyday about my weight, especially since I’ve gained a bit since I hurt my back last year and had to stop exercising for a few months. It stresses me out all the time, and even though I know I’m being silly, I can’t help it! I’m pretty healthy in my eating habits and exercise regularly, and yet I feel like a bit fat blob who everyone whispers about behind my back.

I also get really sad when I see friends get obsessed with dieting, exercising and losing weight. Now days it’s not on to say you want to lose weight, but are trying to be “healthy” when they really just mean they want to lose weight and be skinny. Why can’t we be happy with how we are and maintain a healthy lifestyle without blasting it all over social media like we’re fucking heroes for going to the gym and eating a salad? Why can’t I look at an instagram post of someone eating junk food and not immediately feel compelled to judge them?The mentality of what is healthy is is so messed up. It’s assumed that being slim = healthy and being fat = unhealthy. Meanwhile I work with a bunch of women, half of whom are super slim and yet eat anything they like, never exercise, drink and smoke constantly and yet at face-value they’d appear healthier than me with my chubby little belly, thighs and big bum. The other half just obsess about what they eat and are constantly taking weight loss pills or trying new diets.

I came to the decision a while ago that I was going to change the way I express myself about my body image issue, because I refuse to let me children grow up thinking they’re fat or ugly because of the things they heard me say about myself or others. And not just for my future children, but for other women around me. Some of the things my friends and work colleagues say about themselves to one another (as I was writing this one workmate called herself a “fat fuck” because she’s been craving/eating scones lately). I’m going to try and stop spreading negativity by bitching about how fat I am, because I’m not. And even if I was, who cares? It’s unhealthy and BORING to talk about weight all day and I’m sick of this toxic culture of bringing ourselves down when we’re perfectly wonderful the way we are.

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The Myth of the Thigh Gap

February 28, 2013
Body and Soul, Cara Rage, Feminism

thigh_gap

Pic source

Have you heard people talking about the gap lately? It also goes by the name of the thigh gap or the box gap. Chances are you have heard the term, and it’s possible you’ve heard of it quite recently.

I never knew about the “gap” until a friend pointed out that I had one, and how jealous she was of me. She went on to explain that she used to be obsessed with having one, and at one point she lost way too much weight in the pursuit of attaining some sort of gap until she had friends and family worrying about how thin she’d become. I was shocked, having a small gap between your upper thighs was that big a deal? Even though I’d never given it much though, I immediately knew it was as a result of wide hips that I referred to as my birthin’ hips. It seemed bizarre to me that it was a really sought after thing. I mean, I get why girls want skinny arms (god knows I’d love a pair of ’em myself) but a gap in a place that people only see in intimate moments or when you’re at the beach? Geez.

I’ve heard the term bandied around a lot lately. I see people use the hashtag #boxgap on Instagram a lot (by girls who have them or those who wish they had one, and even by guys being total sleazebags by posting it under a photo of a girl) and I’ve seen a number of Facebook and Tumblr pages dedicated to it. Then today I saw this article and felt sad that it has become such a “thing” when it’s so obviously not something every girl is meant to have.

Girls, you need to understand, the gap is NOT something you can just get by extreme dieting. It is not about your weight and is purely based on your bone structure. I have always had a gap, even at my heaviest. It doesn’t mean you’re the perfect size/weight or whatever, it just means you have wide hips. The only way you can get one, if you’re not structured the right way, is to starve yourself half to death so that you don’t have any flesh on your thigh bones. Like us girls who have large bootay’s, sometimes you just have to accept that your body is shaped in a certain way and just deal with it. Getting lipo between your thighs to emulate a trendy and mostly unachievable gap is a waste of money and make you look ridiculous for wasting your money on a freakin’ fad.

And guys (in case you’re reading this), don’t make it any harder on us girls and start expecting girls to have a gap between her thighs because you heard about once or saw an ad with a hot girl in it where she had a gap and all of a sudden you think it’s desirable, even though it was never something you cared about before. If seeing the sun through a girls legs is that important to you, you need to reassess the priorities in your life. You’re damn lucky to be getting anywhere near a girls inner thighs, so you better appreciate that area for how majestic and sacred it is, and not for how much space there is/isn’t.

As the owner of a thigh gap, I can tell you now, I would trade my much desired gap for a pair of thinner thighs or a perkier bum in a heart beat. It really ain’t that great, honestly!

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Hello there strangers

February 13, 2013
Body and Soul, My Life

Hi all. I am very embarrassed by how little I’ve been posting lately. I really don’t have an excuse either, I jut haven’t been making the time and that makes me sad, as I love my blog so, so much.

Just so you know I am still alive, here’s what’s been going on lately:

  • I moved in with Ben very recently! I was sad to leave mum’s as I really enjoyed living out in the ‘burbs with her but I told myself I’d only stay there for one year and so I moved just after the one-year mark had passed. It’s been really good so far, it just feels really right. So instead of blogging, I tend to find myself cuddling on the couch watching movies with him. I know, gag.
  • The contract at my work expired and the extension that was meant to keep me there for another three months didn’t go through and could only get sorted by my manager who was on holidays until two days after my contract actually expired. It was such a muck around and I’m kind of glad it happened that as as I was dying there.
  • Within one week of that contract ending, I got a call from the place I’ve temped at before, asking if I could help them out on reception again as their receptionist just quit. On the first day back there, they asked me to stay on full time and naturally I obliged. I am stoked! I get along with everyone there and they’re super cool about my having pink hair and tattoos! WOOHOO!
  • Mum and I are ramping up Ruby Kawaii again and have started doing markets for the year. At this stage we’ll be doing at least one a month and sometimes there will be two to three a month! We’re especially looking forward to Supanova at the Gold Coast in April!
  • Ben and I booked flights to the USA for later in the year! I can’t even tell you how excited I am/we are! I have it all planned out pretty well, but I might leave that for another post ;)

And to further prove I am still alive, here’s a silly picture I just took while writing this very blog post :D

silly-Cara-towel

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23 Ways to Turn on a Woman

February 6, 2013
Body and Soul, Feminism, I love Links

I just read the best article on how to turn women on. No, it’s not a naughty article, it’s about treating her with respect and has very little to do with sex. It’s really sad that so many men out there do not know this stuff, because it seems so reasonable and natural to think this way. But hey, I spent a six years of my life with someone who did the opposite of all of this, so who’s the dumb one, eh? (Not me obviously, but sometimes I wonder what the hell happened to my brain during that period of time).

I’ve highlighted the ones I am especially passionate about, but they’re all pretty darn good.

1. Respect her decisions in work, even if you don’t always agree with them. Trust that she got to her position because she knew what she was doing, and appreciate that she might understand things better than you think.

2. Hold the door for her because you hold doors for people, as that is the nice thing to do, and not because you feel that she needs special treatment or help to get through her day.

3. Feel comfortable when she performs gestures that would typically be considered “gallant” or “gentlemanly,” because you realize that those are simply nice things which nice people do for one another.

4. Have serious discussions about divvying up of domestic responsibilities, because you don’t automatically assume that they should fall universally to her because she is a woman.

5. Feel confident in both professional and domestic spheres, because you understand that neither of them are comprised of inherently gendered activities.

6. Ask her opinions or advice on things which are important to you, and really listen to what she has to say about them. Don’t assume that the only good perspective on important issues can come from your friends.

7. Listen to her when she talks about her life, and don’t dismiss what she has to say as mindless gossip.

8. Try the movies or music she likes, instead of immediately putting them in a category as “chick stuff.”

9. Stop referring to things/people as “gay” or “a pussy,” or showing disdain based on what you perceive to be their inherent femininity. Erase the connection between the feminine and the weak or unworthy.

10. Stop performing “gallant” or “gentlemanly” activities strictly because you expect sex or affection in return.

11. Erase the idea that a woman can ever “owe” you sex for any reason, or that her sexuality is a commodity to be bartered with.

12. Show as much respect in daily life for a woman who is a virgin as a woman who has slept with 100 people. Even if you wouldn’t choose to engage with her romantically, you understand that her sexual past cannot change the fact that she is a human being deserving of as much respect and consideration as anyone else.

13. Respect her ability to choose how she presents herself to the outside world, from the language she uses to the clothes she wears to the colour she dyes her hair.

14. Don’t assume that there are certain things she must be inherently knowledgeable about or inclined towards because she is a woman, such as children or cooking. Appreciate that her fields of interest may in no way overlap with your perception of “feminine.”

15. Stop holding her to different standards of appearance than you would a man. If a heavyset man is not deserving of mockery or disdain in your mind, neither should a heavyset woman.

16. Erase the idea that it is her responsibility to be attractive to you.

17. Remove the limits you have around certain aspects of your life — from friends to sports to entertainment — that you feel she should not have access to because of her gender. Understand the difference between enjoying an activity privately and saying she can’t be involved in something because she’s a woman and it is “for guys only.”

18. Respect her interest in things you might typically consider male-oriented, like sports or video games. Don’t insult her by assuming it’s a ploy to get your attention.

19. Understand the areas of legislation and cultural norms in which she is still palpably disadvantaged, and why working towards fixing them is an important goal.

20. Don’t make cutting or disrespectful jokes at the expense of another woman’s dignity because you imagine that the woman you’re with will not be offended, as she is “not like other women.”

21. Stop dividing women into categories based on their inherent respectability, and using names like “slut” or “attention whore” to demarcate them.

22. Stop allowing the actions of one woman to be a reflection of all women, just as you would not expect men to all be universal reflections of their gender.

23. Treat her as an equal, because she is one.

Article by Thought Catalogue.

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HAPPY NEW YEAR (aka Bring on 2013)

January 3, 2013
Body and Soul, Life, My Life, Parties and Fun, Ruby Kawaii, Wonderful Weekend

HAPPYNEWYEAR2012

Ben and I on NYE (dressed in country hoe-down theme, just FYI)

It’s 2013! I can’ believe 2012 is over, it seems like the year went by in fast forward and was done in half the time it should have been. What a year though, it was probably the most dramatic and life changing 12 months of my life and while there was a lot of bad stuff, there was a lot more good.

At the start of 2012 I finally broke up with my boyfriend of six years and moved back in with mum way out in the suburbs. I’d spent six years my life being emotionally abused and the day I decided I was done and arranged to move out that very weekend was one of the most exhilarating moments of my life. Moving into a small house in Ipswich with your mum probably sounds dreadful to most people, but it was the best decision I’ve made for myself in a very long time. I was free. As a result of the breakup and the subsequent move, I am happier than I’ve ever been. I have also been able to save money for the first time in years and am saving up for a trip to the USA this year AND managed to buy a brand new car!

I met the love of my life on July 31st, a guy on instagram who intrigued me (and apparently had a huge crush on me, hee hee). It’s only been five months but what he has taught me about myself and about love has been incredible. I had such a low self esteem after six years of being put down and bullied constantly, but in no time at all, Ben has taught me how to love myself again. I never thought I’d ever find someone I was so compatible with, but through the magic of a phone app that let’s you share photos with strangers, we found one another and haven’t looked back.

I started a small business with my mum, making cute bows and accessories under our own label Ruby Kawaii! It’s still early days, but after a hugely successful launch at Supanova in November, we have big plans. I plan to dedicate a lot more time to it this year and go to lots of markets and make a real name for ourselves. My dream is to one day own my own super girlie, kawaii shop that will sell our bows, fashion, crafty stuff AND have a proper Japanese-style nail salon incorporated! That may mean I’ll be a nail tech by the end of this year! How exciting!

I have a few areas I want to improve on though. Since I hurt my back I haven’t really done a lot of exercise while continuing to eat all the food I come across  I’ve gained a couple of kilo’s and my fitness as gone down the crapper, and I want to rectify that. But I am not worried about being skinny like I used to be. I just want to be happy and healthy and maybe get rid of this new gut I’ve been sporting lately ;)

2012 has been my worst year of blogging yet! I have been AWFUL! There have been a few reasons but it’s mostly just been down to time. I am planning to settle down and manage my time a lot better this year which will mean more blog posts with better content! I can’t make many promises now, but I do intend to make Ruby Kawaii 1000x better in the coming months. Writing is a passion of mine, and while I knw my blog isn’t the best one out there, it’s a good release for me and so I really should utilise it more.

I hope 2013 is going to be an amazing year for you too. Let’s all strive for happiness, good health and lots of love and positivity!

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