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Body Image Rage

Thursday, February 4th, 2010

I started writing a blog about the whole body image debate going on right now, how magazines and the fashion industry are apparently trying to encourage positive body shapes and perceptions. It was all very fancy and informative but it was boring me so I am going to have a big old rant instead!

I posted a link on my Twitter this week that talked about how a study concluded that Australian women have the highest rising obesity level in the world (based on the BMI scale). I found it interesting because we’re always accusing Americans of being so much fatter than us, and yet there’s apparent proof that we’re much worse. One friend who is a fat advocate got upset and defriended/unfollowed me from everything online and generally made me feel rotten about my interest in this article. It’s not as if I said (as the majority of the comments on that article said, much to my disgust) that fat people are disgusting and need to stop whinging, eat less and exercise more. I just took an interest in the damn article because it’s a controversial and constantly discussed issues these days, particularly in my life.

Regardless of the topic, people all have varied opinions on certain things and not everyone is going to agree. Not only would that go against human nature, it would also be extremely boring. In regards to body image, weight issues, fat vs skinny etc, everyone has their own opinion. In this case this person believes in positive body image, fat acceptance and is generally a very vocal person when it comes to wanting others to embrace their sizes, particularly the “larger” percentage of the population. I’ve always admired her for this, despite the fact I have not always agreed with all of her opinions on the matter. But alas, she didn’t like what I had to say (not that I said much, really) and quickly did away with me when she thought I was directly going against her belief system.

I have a turbulent and somewhat distorted perception of what body image/acceptance means. I am one of those unfortunate people who will probably never be happy with my size, even if I did get to my goal weight. It took me a number of diets and lot of going up and down in weight before I finally got to the stage I am at now where I first and foremost want to be fit and healthy which in turn will help me lose weight and get me to the size I want to be. I’ve never been the sort of person to preach about what’s right and wrong when it comes to weight, because I do not have an educated, non-biased opinion and I don’t feel as though my personal insecurities would make me a good role model on this particular topic (on arse-kicking and general awesomeness however, I am the ideal poster-girl).

I’m not writing this to make this girl feel bad or to be all up in your faces about THIS IS WHAT I THINK ABOUT BODY IMAGE SO ACCEPT IT OR FUCK OFF but just to say – we all have different opinions on this subject and no matter how we feel about the opinions of others, they have a right to think that way and all we can do is stick up for our own beliefs and accept the fact there’s always going to be conflict of interests. Especially with an issue as delicate as this.

And for the record I am actually a bit of a “fat advocate” myself, even though I really dislike that term (though I don’t know why). I’ve always been the type of person to stick up for the overweight and obese at any given opportunity. I’ve written countless “letters to the editor” after being outraged by peoples opinions on overweight people. I have always campaigned against people using someone’s weight as an insult during a fight (if that’s all you got then you got nothin’) as well as how being fat is still fair game in TV and movies in this overly PC world of ours when it should be just as controversial as any race, gender or sexuality jokes as far as I am concerned! Just because I wish to be slim myself does not mean I do not care and understand the plight of those who are overweight and proud to be so!

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That’s what she said…

Monday, January 25th, 2010

Marilyn Monroe Working Out

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”
- Marilyn Monroe

(More here)

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Ruby Velour overhaul

Thursday, December 31st, 2009

Photobombin' laidback Luke earlier this year ;D

I have been thinking about my blog lately and how I do not write here as much as I’d like. It’s not as if I don’t have a lot to say (because I do) but because I’m never quite sure what I should be writing and whether or not I sound stupid, boring or irrelevant. So there have been many times where I have started to write then scrapped it, thinking I need to write some lavish big entry that’s all clever and thought-provoking and going to be linked-to by everyone on the internet.

Well as I was reading Obnoxious Owl today (a newly discovered and instantly loved blog by a loud and proud Saffa-Aussie) I realised I was doing it all wrong. Almost nothing of what I say in real life is thought provoking, in fact most of it involves angry ranting, fist shaking, witty commentary and general nonsense. So why is that not translating here? WELL MATIES THAT IS GOING TO CHANGE! I am going to write here more often, daily if possible, and it will be a mixture of what I have already been doing combined with more angry rants, witty observations, more silly commentary and general hilarity that I like to fill my regular, daily life with anyway!

Starting NOW! It’s a new year soon and so I ought to make some resolutions. Well I don’t have to and actually never have before but I feel the need to this year because this was NOT my year at all and 2010 sounds like a damn fine to start resolvin’ some shit.

Be honest, up-front and communicate a LOT more.
I am notoriously bad at this. I bottle things up until I get some serious rage happening and blow up at the wrong people. I had a huge explosion last night about something that had been building up for many months, if I’d nipped it in the bud like a sensible person then I would have saved myself a lot of grief and as for last night, a lot of tears. I also need to stop with my lying and be honest – mostly with myself. Lies are like poison and I’ve been poisoning myself an those closest to me for a long time now. It’s gotta stop!

Get healthy, get fit and lose weight.
Oh yes, that ol’ chestnut. This year I got really fit and a hell of a lot healthier. Unfortunately that does not automatically mean weight loss. I wish I could come to terms with my body shape/size but I can’t so I want to shed a few kilo’s in 2010 and maybe even go down a dress size. I won’t do the starvation diet thing like in 2008 where I did lose a lot of weight (god I got hot) because clearly it didn’t last. It’s all about hard work and changing your lifestyle and I will achieve this in 2010!

Get a fantastic new job.
In 2010 I plan to get a new job where I will be happy. This will mean either something along the lines of my previous job but with a better work environment and more potential for development and career advancement, as well as a snazzy job title (I found a few ad’s for jobs that fit this criteria and am super excited) or else a job that pays well, treats their staff excellently and keeps me sane. A job that fits all of the above would ROCK MY WORLD!

Stop abusing my credit card.
Holy shit I am the WORST at this. I’ll stop using it for ages then BAM I start again and lose all control. In 2010 I vow not to use it unless in dire circumstances. I will not keep it in my purse and will keep it locked away for absolute emergencies only. I will also pay it off as quickly as possible too so that I will have one less debt hanging over my head.

Spend less, save more.
I have ended the year with a spectacular amount of spending but I need to cut down. I know I will never, ever stop my excessive shopping but I can curb them and make compromises. No new shoes unless I am willing to get rid of a pair I have at home. Likewise with clothing. I need to use that money and save it up because I wnat to travel next year – Japan again and maybe the USA/Canada if I am lucky!

Take more photos.
I don’t know why or when this happened but I’ve stopped taking photos and it’s so sad! I used to be the queen of excessive photos and now I barely take any and rarely find myself cropping up in anyone elses either. This is ridiculous! I need as much photo evidence of my good looks and youthful vigor as possible while I still got it! I also have my new pink Holga camera too, so I have NO excuses any more!

Go to as many festivals and gigs as possible.
I know this directly goes against my plan to spend less/save more but I missed out on alot of festivals and gig this year and I refuse to do so in 2010 because I LOVE them! I’ve already planned to go to Lily Allen/Calvin Harris/Dizzee Rascal, Good Vibrations (in Sydney), Soundwave, Future Music, Lady Gaga and that’s just in January to March!

Until next year, ya’ll!

Chillin' at Blah Blah Blah festival last weekend

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All About Boobs

Monday, November 30th, 2009
bras(Photo by Melissa Maples)

Boobs are amazing wonderful things. You don’t need to be a heterosexual male to appreciate the wonder that is the female breast. But so many girls don’t treat their assets properly! Apparently it is estimated around 80% of women worldwide wear the wrong sized bra. It’s a very important part of our wardrobe, even if it’s almost always totally covered up, so why do so many women get it wrong? Do these women who wear the wrong sized bra also wear the wrong sized underwear? Probably not, because undies that are too tight/too baggy are uncomfortable and we wouldn’t stand for it. So why do women put up with bra’s that are the wrong size?

I wore the wrong sized bra for years. In fact, from the time I started wearing under wire bra’s, I was wearing the wrong size and I had no idea whatsoever! For years I wore a 12C bra thinking that was my size and never questioning it. I don’t know why I picked that size but I did and I stuck to it, without even considering for a moment that I might have picked the wrong size from the get-go and was doing myself damage (a badly fitting bra can actually have health consequences, including back and neck pains!) and also, as it turns out, not doing myself any favours.

See, about a year and a half ago I went an got a bra fitting, and holy shit, it changed my life! Turns out I was NOT a 12C but as 10DD which means I was WAY off. I was wearing bra’s that were too big around my back and too small in the cups. I also quickly discovered that by wearing a 12C I was making my boobs looks about 2/3 of their actual size! Travesty! My little sister who is also well-endowed in the boob-region was fitted as a 10DD a few years ago and was devastated at the time as all the bra’s for that size were ugly and were designed to minimise the chest. Umm, what? I have 10DD boobs sucker, and I am PROUD of them! Luckily bra designers worked this out and there are so amazing bra’s out there that enhance and lift your mammaries instead of flattening them out and covering them up with daggy lace. Personally I swear by water bra’s – they have water pockets in the cups that give the most incredible cleavage while also providing good support.

I am no expert at working out what size fits you best, so I suggest you GO GET PROPERLY FITTED! If you’re too lazy or maybe too shy, then there are many great sites around the internet to help you out or at least convince you that a bra fitting is the way to go. It’s probably going to mean a few things though, which you should be aware of. You’re more than likely wearing the wrong size and so will need to buy new bra’s. DO SO! It will be the best thing you have ever, ever done for your body. If you have fairly large boobs, you will probably have to stop shopping at cheap department stores for your bra’s. Unfortunately for us big-boobed girls they still do not realise that the average Australian breast is a lot bigger than what sizes they regularly stock so if you find you’re something like a 10DD then you will NOT find any bra’s at Target or K-Mart (believe me I have tried). This means going to places like Bra’s n Things (my favorite bra shop, also where I got fitted) and spending around $50 per bra. It seems steep but we’re not talking about track pants here, these are vital pieces of clothing that can not only look good but also serve a very important purpose!

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Random Thoughts – Being Nice, Boys & Girls & Healthiness

Thursday, October 8th, 2009

I often have huge big, meaningful thoughts about important matters that I feel I should share but rarely get to. Usually this happens while I am doing boring things like showering, putting on makeup, cleaning the house or buying groceries so I don’t have anyone to talk to them about (and my poor goldfish memory causes me to forget about them when I seeĀ  friends, but my excellent long-term memory remembers them many days later). Well, I guess that’s why I have a blog!

  • Being nice gets you everywhere. This should be common sense but a lot of people think that being nice just means you get screwed over and so it’s the arseholes who get everything their way. This can be true in some cases, after all it is the nasty customer who kicks up a stink who gets free stuff while the nice one who doesn’t say a word gets nothing at all. But it’s not always true, not by a long shot. I find that being polite and super nice where appropriate gets you a very long way. I’m always trying to be as nice as possible when dealing with strangers (when not overwhelmed with shyness, of course) and I’m always getting loveliness in return and in some cases I have received free stuff! I’ve had cranky people cheer up after being nice to them, and I’ve been cheered up myself when feeling moody by other cheerful people. And there’s nothing better than the feeling of knowing you were super nice to someone and possibly made their day brighter as a result!
  • “Guys and girls can’t be friends” is such a broad statement and many people can attest to the fact this is not always true. I’d like to see it changed to “Guys can’t be friends with girls”. OK so that’s pretty broad too but I find this is the case most of the time. Girls have no problems being friend with guys, rarely do they become friendly with guys to get closer to them with the hopes of going out with or sleeping with them nor do they find themselves wanting to shag their guy-friends after being friends with them for a while. In my experience guys struggle with this. It’s as though they can’t physically have a friendship with a girl without ending up wanting to shag them at some stage, often from the get go (though I am told the exception is when the girl is ugly though I bet that’s not always true). I have had this happen to me many times – I am friends with a guy and I think all is swell and totally platonic but then I get a rude shock when it is revealed they have some sort of crush on me. And all I ever did was be a nice person to them! I’ve even had it happen with guys who I am a total bitch to! It’s a great shame because I enjoy having guys as friends. There’s nit much you can do though, one of my dearest friends was very straightforward when we first met in telling me he liked me, so I honestly told him I wasn’t interested in anything more than a friendship and so we became close friends and we’ve never looked back! If you find out a male friend likes you more than as a friend, be honest and upfront. Don’t “give it a go” to spare his feelings because you’ll probably end up losing a good friendship as a result when you break up later on down the track.
  • Being healthy is EXPENSIVE & HARD! I’ve always been a yo-yo dieter which we all know is BAD so now I am on a general health kick which means healthy eating, lots of exercise and not beating myself up if ever I have a binge or decide to skip the gym one evening. It doesn’t mean I am shedding lots of weight quickly, but I am now really fit and feeling healthier than I ever have in my life. Hopefully the weight will fall off in its own time, but as long as I am healthy then I’m happy enough. But god it’s hard! No wonder people are so fat these days. After a week in Japan I noticed just how fat Australians are – when we get fat we get FAT! And no wonder! Fatty foods are cheap, convenient and more appealing. Healthy foods cost much more, they’re harder to find because half of what you think is healthy ain’t healthy at all, it’s slow and sure as hell don’t smell as good as pizza or KFC! I get so angry when non-fat people say comments about fat people needing to “just stop eating crap” because it’s not at all that easy! If I could get drive through salad (that’s not that nasty shit Macca’s tries to call a salad) that was the same price as a burger meal and tasted really good and was really good for you and not full of nasty, fatty surprises then man, we’d all be a lot slimmer! I spend at least twice more on groceries than my housemates simply because I eat healthy. SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE!

OK that’s all my random thoughts for today. I am sure there will be many more to come!

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What I Love About Myself

Monday, August 17th, 2009

iloveme

There is a meme-type thing going around the blogs of various Aussie girls right now which I found really inspiring and really quite lovely. I found it first at Definatalie.com. People are too obsessed with perfection, myself included. It’s not something I think I could probably ever change about myself, I’m 26 years old now and learning to love myself totally despite my flaws and consider myself wonderful as I am is not something that just happens and would require a tonne of work and a lot more confidence/motivation that I could ever posses.

That doesn’t mean I can’t still love myself as much as possible anyway, right? I am not at all perfect, I am a mixture of things that make me just about as imperfect as possible (many of which are a result of my own conscious choices) but in a way that’s what makes me perfect in my own special way! So, here are the things I love about myself:

  • My face. I’m not going to be all modest and lame about it, I have a pretty face and I love it very much. I like the fact my face lights up when I smile and I can do sultry so, so easily. I have amazing eyes and my lips are the best shape. My skin is very clear these days which is a very big deal for me.
  • My boobs. I’m probably one of the few girls out there who loves having 10DD boobs. I thought I was a 12C for years, and after getting properly fitted I am now such a sexy-sounding size and my boobs look twice their size just by changing bra sizes!
  • My tattoos. This is why differentiates me from most people. Not just the fact I have tattoos, but the fact I am a pretty, girly-girl with lots of visible tattoos that mean a lot to me (while also looking totally cool). I get tattoos to decorate my skin, not to conform to a fashion trend of to be rebellious, they’re for me and me only!
  • My style. I think my style kicks arse and I defy anyone to disagree. I love pink and black so much that I wear little else. By having an almost exclusively pink and black wardrobe, I am always colour-coordinated and always manage stand out in a crowd. I haven’t met a girl yet who doesn’t love the idea of being able to wear tutu’s almost every single day like I do!
  • My height. Sometimes I feel like I’m too tall, but I always remind myself how I can always see bands at gigs, how I can always reach the top shelf, how I tower above everyone when wearing heels and how being really tall means I look slimmer than I actually am! Booyeah!
  • I am very open-minded about everything. There’s nothing out there that could surprise or disgust me. I eat pretty much all foods, I listen to a HUGE range of music, I think same-sex marriage is tops, I couldn’t care less what your religion is (unless you get all up in my face about atheist, anyway), I condone drinking and recreational drug use and I love porn. If you’re a narrow-minded bigot then that’s your problem, keep away from me and I won’t bother you.
  • I’m super nice! Sure I like to pretend I’m all tuff and moody and too-cool-for-school but anyone who knows me for more than 10 minutes knows I’m a bucket of sunshine and rainbow unicorn poop. It’s hard for me to dislike anyone, you have to be a total douchebag for me to not like you, and a total and utter cunt for me to hate you.

I could go on with this all day. It makes me wonder why I get down on myself. Sure I could stand to lose a few kilo’s and I do have a number of faults, but the things that make me a good person far outweigh any of the negative things I can come up with. Sometimes I need to remind myself of these excellent features of mine when feeling down in the dumps, because I am a neat sorta person, really!

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Getting a Brazilian

Tuesday, July 28th, 2009

bikiniwax

In case the picture didn’t make it clear, I am indeed talking about the brazilian wax. I have been getting brazilian’s done for a few years now and I find people still have this weird idea of what a brazilian wax is all about. Yes, all the hair goes. No, you don’t leave a “landing” strip of hair (I don’t know anyone who ever has and I wonder why you’d bother). Yes it does hurt, but it’s bearable. I got one done today which was one of the best ones I have ever had. My last experience was horrendous because the girl who did it was rough, did it far too quickly and only use wax strips. Plus she left lots of stray hairs which was highly unprofessional of her. I left the salon with a burning box and a little extra money in my purse because it was very cheap. Which is probably why it was so bad, come to think of it. So for anyone who’s unfamiliar with brazilian waxes, here are my tips for getting the most out of the experience:

  • Don’t kid yourself, it does hurt. But if done properly it’s not a terrible pain and apart from the middle strip (which hurts like a mofo) it’s not all that bad. Wax strips hurt the most but they’re quicker and grab more hairs. Hot wax hardly hurts at all but they have to go over the same spot a couple of times to get all the hairs. Wax strips are typically used on the less sensitive areas while hot wax is used where it’s very tender (eg. closer to your lady bits). Be wary of places that only use strips because it hurts and is bad for the ultra-sensitive areas.
  • Don’t got for cheap. I’ve made that mistake a few times and always regret it. It’s like most things, cheaper alternatives are usually the shittier alternatives. The wax I got last was $35 and was painful and not done properly. The one I got today was $65 (though the prices goes down if you go back there every 6-8 weeks) and was barely painful, beautifully done and had impeccable service. Making sure you get waxed every 6-8 weeks is what keeps the cost down too – I always leave mine much longer so it’s like starting all over again every time I go. I really must stop that…
  • Find a good beauty therapist and stick with them! I had the best girl do mine for years, until one day she was gone and I couldn’t track her down. She used nothing but hot wax and spent the whole time having great conversations with me. She wasn’t cheap or fast but she did an amazing job and I loved visiting her. When she disappearedĀ  was lost! I went to Brazilian Beauty today which a friend recommended to me and I will keep going there. The girl I had today was lovely and did an awesome job, as I have said many times now. If you find someone who does a good job, stick with them. That was you have less to dread before each visit because they’re a familiar face who knows what you get done and won’t disappoint you.
  • Be aware that any waxing down there is a fairly embarrassing experience. You’re lying on a table with your legs spread and nothing to hide your shame from a total stranger. If ever I’m feeling especially embarrassed, I remind myself that they do this for a living and have seen it all and would have seen a LOT worse than me. Can you imagine the horror stories those beauty therapists have to tell? You can be damn sure you wouldn’t even register on their list of terrible clients.
  • STOP SHAVING! I fall into the “oh I’ll just shave this time” trap all the time even though I know how BAD it is. Despite popular belief your hairs don’t grow back thicker (on any part of your body), but shaving makes the end of the hairs bunt and therefore seem coarser. Shaving also causes lots of ingrown hairs and can also wreck the way the hairs grow which means it’s going to hurt more next time you do get a wax (I know this from lots of experience). But most importantly, shaving only gets rid of the hair for a day or two before you get nasty, itchy stubble that is almost unbearable for those initial days of growing out. Then you have to wait another 6 weeks before you can go get it waxed. It’s never worth it.
  • I don’t do after-care because I am really slack. here are a lot of good products out there, but I don’t know anything about them. There are moisturisers that help minimise ingrowns and slow down regrowth but I’m a scrooge and am never willing to fork out the money for it. If anyone has opinions or recommendations on after-care, please let me know!

So what are the benefits of waxing it all off down there? Personally I think it looks better, but that is my personal taste. I don’t think it makes me look like a prepubescent girl because I’m clearly NOT a ten year old and do not think that having hair down there makes me look more “grown up”, so you have my permission to punch anyone who suggests that to you. Pubic hair apparently has a purpose, or so some doctors say. But this is an era where we all clean down there frequently and wear clothing that protects our genitals from the outside elements, and I do not see why we need pubes this day and age. I feel a lot cleaner without the short-and-curlies and it’s generally just a nicer feeling to be bare down there. Everyone’s different though, so get whatever makes you feel good. I started off with just regular g-string waxes which leaves a decent amount of hair before I moved on to the brazilian, so I suggest doing that for your first couple of times if you’re not sure what you want. But I’m telling you now, one you go brazilian you never go…back… Or something like that.

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Accept this!

Sunday, July 12th, 2009

bethrainbow

Tonight I read a few blogs by people I admire, dealing with the idea of not being accepted by friends, family, the general public etc. The letters on Doe Deere Blogazine really affected me because of how these poor girls feel inferior because they choose to dress differently to most other people. Their experiences, where they’re publicly humiliated in front of their school, or have random strangers shout things and even have their own mum’s not “getting it” devastates me. I’ve been quite different all of my life. In high school when all the girl were showing off their newly developed boobs (which I had since grade 5, so like, whatever) in tight tops, I favoured baggy band t-shirts and shorts with skate shoes. In Uni I liked to wear fitted t-shirts and baggy shorts, all of which matched in colour. More recently I am completely obsessed with pink and black and wear only the most over-the-top outfits I have, usually involving tutu’s and other unusual accessories.

The thing is though, I’ve never experienced any sort of negative feedback for how I dress. Luckily for me, my mum encouraged dressing differently and now delights in the fact I wear eccentric outfits that almost always turns heads wherever I go. I’ve also grown up with friends who enjoyed different fashion styles to the norm, so I always had backup in one way or another. So to hear about people who probably don’t dress anything near as over-the-top as I do who go through hell about what they choose to wear…well, it breaks my heart! I can’t even imagine worrying about whether or not people will say nasty stuff to/about me by wearing one of my regular outfits out in public. I mean sure, some people might make nasty comments behind my back but I don’t hear them and therefore they don’t technically exist to me. I just don’t know how I would react if ever someone made a nasty comment about my choice of clothing to my face or loud enough for me to hear them. Probably very badly, so I just hope I never have to go through something like that.

I’ve always been an advocate of being who you want to be, screw the consequences or the people who don’t like it. But I guess when it comes to being harassed about it, particularly to the point where you worry about your own safety, then something’s got to give. Depending on your situation you may need to make some compromises, particularly if you’re young and live with your parents, which isn’t ideal but for your own well-being you have to do whatever helps you get by. It may mean toning things down day-to-day and finding other outlets for your self-expression. If/when you’re able to, move somewhere more open-minded! Being stuck somewhere that’s filled with narrow-minded jerks will never work out for anyone a little bit different, so get the hell out! If it’s someone like a family member or even your own friends who are giving you a hard time though, you have to be strong. Tell them that they can either suck it up and accept you for who you are or get lost. I am certain very few people are going to be shallow enough to disown a relative or a friend simple because of how they dress. Take a stand, be brave and be proud of who you are! This is your life and damn all who don’t agree with your choices!

Now I think about it, this goes for anything really, not just irregular fashion choices. Be you gay, extremely tattooed, have an unusual haircut or a love of anything not-normal. Never take someone’s lack of respect, intelligence or acceptance to heart. Be whoever the hell you want to be and be proud that you’re a much better person because you don’t give a fuck about what anyone thinks about you! Life is too short and being “normal” much too boring!

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Family ties

Tuesday, July 7th, 2009

Families are funny things. They range from wonderful to totally shit and cover everything in between. I guess I’m one of the lucky ones who has a pretty good family. Not the best, by any means, but I still love them dearly. Unfortunately for a lot of people, their families are less than ideal. I have a few friends who have parents or siblings they can’t stand, or families who can’t stand the individual. It always worries and confuses the hell out of me when I hear about someone who has been disowned by their family, or have disowned a family member themselves. Up until very recently I thought it was the worst thing in the world. How could anyone want nothing to do with a member of their own family??? Sure, nobody’s perfect, but they’re your own flesh and blood! Surely differences can be resolved when it comes to family? Forgiveness is easy when you’re talking about someone form your bloodline! Whenever I heard a tale of someone deciding not to talk to a family member (or even their whole family) ever again I think they’re being silly and will surely get over it soon because no one can stay mad at family forever, right?!

Like I said, I’m lucky and have a really good family. I once thought my mum would disown me if I got tattoo. When I said this to her, she laughed and said that she could never disown me, especially not for something as trivial as a tattoo. My little sister used to be a pain in the arse growing up, a real little terror. Tantrums to get her way (which usually worked), bad behaviour to get attention, lies to get herself out of trouble and so on. Yet despite all the hell she put us through, we don’t resent her or wish she’d been any different. Sure, life would have been a lot quieter, but nowhere near as interesting. My family isn’t perfect but they are who they are and I’m glad I have them.

So it came as a real shock when I realised recently that it was time for me to cease contact with a family member myself. It was a long time coming I guess, but still a shock when I came to the realisation. My parents split up a few years back, after my dad had a total mid-life-crisis. It was all right at first, we had a family business which my parents still ran together. He moved out and they just worked together from the family home. It wasn’t great but it wasn’t that bad either. Then my dad started turning really nasty against my mum and it all went rapidly downhill from there. The last year or so was the worst, my ever-quiet father was suddenly becoming an ogre who cared for no one but himself. So when they finally parted ways it suddenly dawned on me that this wasn’t the man I knew, he was my father still of course, but I really didn’t know him any more. So after his final bout of nastiness I decided I didn’t need to keep him in my life, and was only doing so because he was family, my dad. I wanted to put up with him, I really did, but neither of us were going to benefit from continued contact, so I finally told him that was it, I didn’t want any more to do with him.

I now realise that sometimes it is necessary to rid yourself of the people who do nothing for you, even it means you have to do this to a family member. It hurt like hell but it had to be done, and I guess it’s just a necessary part of growing up. It’s also not something to take lightly, you can’t go disowning your family because they gave you the shits one day and you’re in a temper about it. It’s about making a decision that you know is right, no matter how painful it might end up being (for your or the person you’ve decided you want to let go) and going through with it. It doesn’t have to be forever either. Time does heal most wounds, so maybe in a few years time you can forgive them and make amends with them. I remain positive that down the track my dad will understand why I made my decision and try to make amends with me. Only time will tell.

ruby_sig

I'm shy, not a bitch!

Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009

eye coloured

I am horrendously, painfully shy. Always have been and always will. People who know me find this very hard to believe because I can very loud and even “in your face” at times. But that’s only to the people I know really well and even then it’s only an occasional thing as I can still get an attack of the “shy’s” even with people I know really well. With people I don’t know too well (ie. most of my workmates) I find it really hard to initiate conversations and in many cases, even say hello in the mornings. As a result I get accused of being a rude, stuck-up bitch all the time, which hurts because I know I’m not stuck-up or a bitch at all, it’s just really, really hard to talk to people I don’t know very well. Luckily I’ve been able to explain this to the workmates who’ve questioned me about it so no one takes being snubbed by me to heart, but there are all those times where I meet new people that I know I come across as really rude when in reality I’m terrified at the prospect at having to talk to a stranger!

I try not to let this rule my life, as many shy people tend to do. Life is too short to tremble in fear whenever someone I don’t know starts talking to me. I also have to talk to strangers on the phone all the time, it’s part of my job, so I can’t let it consume me. I do find it hard to chit-chat to my clients though as most of my co-workers do, but it apparently makes me seem very efficient so I use this to my advantage. I also hate knowing I give a bad first impression to people when I meet them for the first time which isn’t at all a true reflection of the person I really am.

So what do I do to get over this crippling shyness? To be honest, I try to suck it up for the most part. I know it’s a problem and I accept it and try to get over it to the best of my ability. I’m constantly talking to myself, reminding myself that this person doesn’t know how shy I am and therefore I don’t want them getting the wrong impression, so I do all I can to blast past the fear of talking to a stranger and be as polite as possible. I also remind myself that I don’t have anything to fear from talking to strangers – most of them are good people and it’s not like they’re going to shoot me for saying the wrong thing. The only problem with this though is that I’m usually so busy trying to pep myself up that I end up not being able to think of anything to say and so I look kind of dumb. But hey, looking a bit dumb is better than coming across as a bitch, right?

There’s nothing anyone can do if they’re excessively shy, except to just try to overcome it as much as possible and fool people into thinking you’re the aloof, mysterious type (I work this to my advantage all the time, though many people still tend to think I’m just being a stuck-up cow which kind of sucks). If someone’s first impression of you is that you’re stuck-up, hope that you’ll meet again and can prove otherwise. I have won over a lot of people by seeming rude after the first meeting but then turning out to be really quite nice after an actual conversation. And if you give the wrong impression to someone you never meet again, no sense stressing about it, instead just hope they were one of the smart few who took it as being aloof and mysterious!

ruby_sig