Today I thought I’d try the format of one of my most favourite blogs Obnoxious Owl. She tells you the advice you need to hear and is quick about it! I usually tend to elaborate upon my advice and turn them into massive rants, so Imma try and see what it’s like to dish the advice quick and without any fuss.
PUT THE PHONE DOWN
I know we live in an age where we can do just about anything on our mobile phones, but man people take it too far. Ya know, some of us old-fashioned types still find it quite rude when you’re too busy texting or twittering or using some useless app to hold a proper conversation.
EAT HEALTHY FOOD
Eating nothing but junk all the time and making a big fuss about hating vegetables is lame. You’re an adult now so eat like one. Do you really want to die of a heart attack or colon cancer?! Those old people who eat Macca’s three time a week for all their lives and are totally healthy are absolute freaks and you will never be like them.
AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD EXERCISE
Like the above, being naturally slim doesn’t mean you should be lazy. It isn’t just about losing weight, it’s about appreciating the one body you have and making it last as long as possible. If you wake up feeling like shit all the time, you need to eat a salad and go for a long walk. For real.
BUY A DECENT BRA
I know I’ve gone on about this before, but no one likes the look of double decker boobs. You’re not doing yourself any justice by cramming your melons into those teacups. Get fitted and see how great your assets really are!
SORT YOUR SHIT OUT, FINANCIALLY
So your job doesn’t pay you very well, how about you get a new one or demand a pay rise and stop boring everyone with your tales of woe. And do not expect any sympathy if you’re constantly broke and yet have enough cash to go get wasted every weekend. It makes people angry. Unless you’re a student, then that’s alright.
DO YOUR HAIR
Nothing says “I don’t care about how I look” more than going out of the house with shitty hair. If you can’t find the time to give it a blow dry or straighten it in the morning, at least tie it up nicely. I think someone’s hairstyle speaks volumes about the person. And for the love of god, if you’re going out and have a nice outfit and have put on makeup, do your fucking hair. It’s the whole package or nothing at all.
Yeah that’s right motherfucker, I’m looking at you! I swear way too much, though I know far too many people who out-swear me constantly. Look, the F word is great at punctuating statements, but only when used sparingly. Dropping the F or C bomb more than a few times in a conversation just makes you look inarticulate and stupid. Keep swear words for when you really need ’em and not in place of saying “um” or “like”.
STOP SAYING LIKE
Just like swearing too much, saying “like” all the time makes you look retarded. I’m shocked girls still do this, it’s not as though Clueless wasn’t released in 1995 or anything. I used to do it too much but my mum got me out of the habit by stopping me every time I said it inappropriately. If you known you use the dreaded L word too much, stop yourself every time you go to say it and think of what you’re trying to say and just say it already.
The film versions usually suck compared to the books anyway. And just FYI, trashy magazines and blogs do not count. Buy/borrow a book and maybe you’ll even learn something.
STOP WORRYING WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF YOU
I know this is kind of ironic given the advice I have just dished out, but you really need to stop worrying about embarrassing yourself or making people mad by what you do, because it’s highly likely no one cares. Wear that outfit that’s way too bright, who’s going to judge you? Some arsehole stranger you’ll never meet again? Screw them! And if you like wearing ill-fitting bra’s, swearing too much and having messy hair then do it! It’s your life and I don’t care enough to judge ya anyway!