In case you missed it, Ben and I are getting married on Halloween this year. As far as weddings go, we didn’t leave ourselves much time to get organising, particularly since we skipped off to Japan for almost a month shortly after deciding we wanted a Halloween wedding! I’m better at planning stuff last-minute anyway, or so I like to keep telling myself.
Weddings, even unconventional ones like ours, are a big deal to plan. Honestly if we weren’t having a themed wedding with a very specific idea in mind, I’d be more than happy to just have a chilled out backyard wedding with minimal cost or planning needed! But obviously, because I am who I am, it’s gonna be a bit of an extravagant affair. We’ve only got just over three months til the big day and soooo much left to do, OMG the stress! But I reckon we’ll get it all sorted and it’ll be the best party ever.
There are a couple of things bugging me pretty badly though, one in particular I have been internalising but then read this awesome article by Lindy West about how perfect her wedding was despite being fat. It was a wonderful read and made me really think about my desire to shed some weight before my wedding. I am determined to tone up my upper body as I noticed some fatty bit when I tried my dress on. But why? Why am I so determined to change a part of my body that’s going to be incredibly difficult to target (seriously, how do you even target your fatty armpit/side boob area? Push ups?) just so I can look back at my wedding photos years down the track and think “ahhh not having arm fat that day made the whole experience that little extra bit special”. I mean, I’m wearing a dress that has so much damn tulle that you could kick my shin and it’d take five minutes for you to connect with me, so losing weight on my lower half would be kind of pointless if I’m specifically trying to lose weight for the wedding. So I’m literally worrying myself over a fine layer of fat on my back and around/on my arms which most people have unless they’re body builders or dramatically underweight.
I’m trying to make my wedding as pro-feminist as possible but I can’t help but still worry about the trivial, patriarchal bullshit that women are told they’re supposed to worry about. Ben couldn’t give a shit if I lost/gained some weight before we get married and yet I am worried about being a fat wife, of guests thinking “geez she could have at last toned up a bit” or seeing the photos and only being able to see my chubby arms and not how wonderful a day it was. What a goddamn waste! I’m ever so slowly getting to a point where my weight isn’t the source of most of my misery, but I still panic at the thought of not looking slim and”perfect” on my wedding day. I never even believed in weddings until recently!
Weddings are such silly, sexist, heteronormative things. There are so many silly, expensive things women are convinced they have to do to look “perfect” while the man just chucks a suit on, shaves and turns up on time. I am very excited about turning up and blowing everyone’s minds with my awesome dress, but I mostly just want to have an awesome time with my friends and family. Who actually gives a shit if I don’t lose 15kg anyway? Not anyone who’ll be attending my wedding, that’s for damn sure!